I’m posting this to vent, but there’s also an important inner game lesson in here, so sit up and listen.

When I started getting my inner game together a few years ago, I was soon able to point out the “toxic” people in my life — the people who consistently detract value without adding it; the people who consistently start drama and stress rather than connection and joy.

I soon became ruthless about not allowing these people in my life. I coldly cut some of them out of my life, and others slowly faded to the background. I pride myself a great deal in that I don’t put up with unnecessary bullshit from people, and won’t hesitate removing them from my social life.

Well, I’ve been put in a frustrating situation in the last few months. My girlfriend’s sister moved to Boston and has recently been a large part of our social life together. And well, she sucks. She’s one of those people that just plain fails at life. And I don’t mean in any worldly sense: she’s incredibly smart, successful, has a lot of friends, etc. I mean from a happiness, centered perspective, she fails on just about all marks.

The problem is, she’s started making my girlfriend’s life hell, and transitively my life hell. She’s one of the most toxic people I’ve met in a long time. The problem is, I can’t simply cut her out and neither can my girlfriend. She consistently sucks my girlfriend into bullshit drama, and then manages to get me sucked in as well, and the results well… suck.

So in ode to the girlfriend’s sister, I want to run down a list a ways to fail at life. As you read these, ask yourself these questions: “am I like this?” and “do I know someone who’s like this?”

If you answer yes to the former, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD CHANGE YOURSELF. NOW. FOR YOUR OWN SAKE AND EVERYONE WHO KNOWS YOU, CHANGE.

If you answer yes to the latter, consider cutting that person out of your life (if reasonable).

1. Take responsibility for your actions and emotions – This drives me absolutely crazy in people. It’s not coincidence that the people who are constantly miserable, complaining or involved in some sort of drama are always the people who refuse to take responsibility for their actions.

Case in point: sister calls girlfriend, says we should all meet up and hang out. No specific time is given, and sister never shows up. Girlfriend and I give up and leave. Sister calls the next day screaming that girlfriend stood her up and then proceeded to blame it on me for no justifiable reason.

Truth: It was a mis-communication, and although my girlfriend took responsibility for leaving and not telling sister, sister never took responsibility for no-showing. As a result, sister remains pissed off and feels like she’s owed something.

2. Don’t judge people until you actually get to know them. – I have a zero tolerance policy on judgmental people. Until you really get to know someone’s character, there’s no sense in judging them on any external part of them: i.e., how they dress, how they look, their job, their friends, etc. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve assumed someone was a douchebag or bitch, but once I talked to them a bit, they were a really incredible person.

Case in point: sister meets me for the first time, musters up a meager conversation. Things are stilted and awkward. I find out later that she knows about my job and greatly disapproves of it. Instead of actually talking to me about it and trying to get to know me, she goes and tells my girlfriend’s family that I’m a scumbag, don’t actually love her and was inconsiderate when I met her.

Truth: The verdict was in before she even met me. Instead of getting to know me, she just observed the little she needed to support her pre-ordained opinion about me. As a result, every interaction we’ve had since then has been twisted to support the conclusion she had about me before she even met me. She still doesn’t like me. We still haven’t had an actual conversation.

3. Don’t build rapport through negativity – Having a mutual complaint with someone else is a very quick way to build rapport. But this rapport is unstable and unhealthy, as it just amplifies the unhealthy emotions within yourself.

I think everyone has known or met someone who makes and maintains friendships through complaining or talking shit about other people. Although everyone experiences some negativity to a degree, relying on negativity to create a social life is unhealthy and unproductive. You’ll end up alienating just as many people as you make friends.

4. Don’t be dramatic. Get over yourself. Be humble. – Have you ever played with third world kids who are happy just to eat once a day? Have you ever had to sit in a hospital and console a teenager who got stabbed over $200 worth of drugs? Have you ever watched your friend drown right in front of you?

No? Then shut the fuck up about someone canceling a Sunday brunch, acting as if it’s the it’s the end of the fucking world. It doesn’t matter and neither do your bitchy fucking complaints. Get over yourself and shut the fuck up.

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OK, I feel better now…