Two things in the last few days happened that sent my mind reeling in deep thought about the purpose and value of PUA in my life right now.

1. Big posted a link to an article that evaluates the pitfalls and drawbacks PUA can bring to a guy’s life. When I first read it, I kind of chuckled as I noticed bad habits or unhealthy thoughts that I had (or have), or that I see in other guys. I moved on and didn’t think much about it.

That night, I visited one of my primary FB’s and because of circumstance and the weather, spent the next 24 hours with her. During this time, we became very intimate and had sex a good 4-5 times (I was literally begging to stop by the end). As I was laying around her apartment between sessions, cuddling with her and listening to music, one of the lines from that article kept popping into my head: “In the real world being able to get a date or have regular sex is not a big deal at all. It’s the rule, not the exception.”

A realization hit me — what’s the big fucking deal? I get laid a lot. Congratu-fucking-lations, Entropy, you’re a normal part of society now. So why are you spending hours a day posting on forums, reading theory, dissecting phone calls from girls with your roommates and going out four nights a week? For the love of God, I live on a fucking couch. I ride my bike all day. I don’t even have my own computer to type these blog posts on. I haven’t done anything that didn’t involve alcohol or a television screen for leisure in months.

Now, although this lifestyle sounds awesome in theory, something’s been missing. I have been living without any purpose. My last year of college, I dedicated as much time and effort to getting good with women as I did my classes, if not more. It worked. I’m good with women now. But now that I’m done with college, I don’t know what to do with myself other than to go out and chase women.

I’ve been battling what I considered “complacency” for months. My skills plateau’d and I fretted about ways to improve further. I don’t know if it’s complacency anymore — perhaps it’s just satisfaction. I haven’t improved in six months because I’ve accomplished almost all of my goals as far as women are concerned. I’ve had SNL’s, FB’s, MLTR’s, and LTR’s. I’ve been with women 10 years older, five years younger, rich as God, poor as dirt, smart girls, dumb girls, foreign girls, white, black, brown, yellow, and everywhere in between. I consistently get laid by high value girls and I can pick up more relatively quickly. So why the hell am I dedicating the majority of my free-time to improving? It’s gotten unhealthy. Two years ago, it may have deserved 50% of my free-time, but these days, it doesn’t. I’ve been neglecting other aspects of my life to keep fixing something I fixed a year ago, and meanwhile I keep going through women like pairs of socks.

2. The second occurence happened the next day at my other FB’s place. It was a stunner — came out of nowhere. This FB is an HB10, so gorgeous that I find myself staring at her even after I’ve been hanging out with her all night. She does some modeling, is super smart, really laid back, and a ton of fun to be around. But she’s also a high-value girl. She puts up with less bullshit than most girls I’ve met — and I don’t mean she shit-tests me about stuff, she genuinely doesn’t deal with bullshit.

I stopped by there to pick up some stuff I had left and she just came out and said it. “I’ve decided if you’re seeing other girls, I don’t want to see you anymore.” What shocked me so much wasn’t that she said it — we had been getting more emotionally involved with each other and other girls have said the same thing — but it was how she said it. In the past, when FB’s pull the “all or nothing ultimatum,” they’re emotional, angry, maybe in tears, and usually bitching that I don’t call enough or something needy like that. Not this one. She just looked me in the eye and said, “I understand your lifestyle and respect it, but unless I’m the only girl you see, we’re just friends.”

It felt like I was getting dumped. I was surprised that it affected me so much. I’ve never had a girl so staunchly and bluntly say “no” to me like that with such reserve and self-control (not to mention self-respect). It left me with a variety of vague emotions — which quickly went away as I watched the Pats game — but they still linger.

But what strikes me as I think about it is, once again, the value of PUA in this situation, or the lack thereof. The general wisdom for this situation is to tell her you understand, accept it, and next time you see her, try to fuck her anyway. I’ve doled out this advice countless times myself, and it’s basically what I decided to do. The rub here is that in past situations where I do that, I either a) don’t like the girl THAT much, or b) I know she likes me too much to give me up. These have been girls either of lesser value or who have been slaves to their emotions.

This girl is strong. Her value is extremely high. She could be with any guy in any bar she walks into. I have to be honest, if three weeks from now, she’s happily seeing some other guy and I’m going through my regular harem of part-time whores, I would fucking hate it, despite the fact I’d be continuing to hone my “skills.”

I’m not sure where I’m going with all of this — it gets a little clearer as the days go by. But I think I’ve come to one conclusion: that it’s imprudent to let PUA dominate my life the way it has the last year. I sucked with women 18 months ago. I read a book, got my shit in gear and now I’m good with women — some would even say great. Other aspects of my life need more attention now.

Once one gets more experienced in this, you have to ask yourself what’s really going to make you happy. There’s a large egoic component with guys who come to this community — and rightly so, they’ve usually been shit on and ignored by women most of their lives. But once that need is saturated, where do you go from there? I hit a point where banging five more girls isn’t going to change my self-perception or self-value anymore. So what are my goals? Where do I go from here? What is this adding to my life? I realize that this community has consumed my identity to a certain extent, and maybe that’s not totally healthy anymore.