Predictably, I got some comments calling me an AFC. Here’s the main one:

I do understand your point of view I have done the same thing. However there will come a day when you see stuff like this as missed opportunity. In the end your nice guy fantasy will be gone and so will the girl and someone else will have her instead. it sounds like you are a little negative about sex and are a little bit too sappy which is plain old afc syndrome. Your idea of her sex life is completely made up, you do not know she is monogamous by nature and if she is she is 1 in a million and maybe you should have proposed. However what happened was really nothing. This idea that not having sex is an accomplishmment is really bogus. Your whole story should be “I could have had a great night but I decided not to go for it at the end of the night because I was afraid of complications.”

The only thing I agree with you on is that nothing happened. It was just another girl, another interaction.

But I don’t think you do understand my point of view. The days of me seeing this as a “missed opportunity” are actually the 5 years behind me, not in front of me.

Someone else CAN have her, and assuming he can give her what she wants more than I can, I’d be happy for her. I’m secure enough to accept that I’m not willing to give her what she wants. I see it as “nexting” her for her own good.

Most women are fairly monogamous by nature. Again, the community skews men’s perception of women to believe that they’re all just like the club girl with the short skirt. The average American female has 7 partners in her life. HER WHOLE LIFE. Less than half ever have a one night stand.

There are robust statistics on this done by condom companies with sample sizes in the 100,000’s. Look them up (they’re somewhere here on the site).

Most people in the world aren’t huge partyers and socialites. Most people don’t really care how hot the person they made out with on Friday night was… Most people are fairly content to just date whoever they happen to meet in their every day lives and not think twice about it. This is true for women too.

If you really do want to understand my perspective (and I’m assuming you do since you’re coming here and trying to give me advice), then you should read this first: http://www.entropypua.com/blog/lr-three-girls-at-a-stripper-party

That sums up pretty well where I come from and where I was 3-4 years ago. I lost a couple friendships and broke up a new couple as a result of my actions on that night. But hey, I hooked up with three girls, laying two of them (one in the bathroom) that night. Worth it, right?

At the time, I thought so. And honestly, I wouldn’t go back and change anything that happened. It was an awesome night. But my point is, back then the sex took the priority. Girls crying, friendships ruined, people yelling… it didn’t matter, because I got laid and I was the man.

I don’t condemn that, but that’s just not my priority anymore. These days, a good friendship is worth just as much or more than sloppy bathroom sex. You can call that the “AFC mentality,” but I call it maturity. And I call it a privilege to have it, as I think it’s something that’s earned through being confident in yourself and your sexuality. It’s earned through experience.

And I’ve earned the experience to have that perspective. Seriously dude, have you ever had a bathroom lay? Once you get over the thrill, they’re really not that cool…

You’re right that I don’t want to deal with the complications. And if I was completely inexperienced, that would be a problem… If I didn’t have the experience, it WOULD be me bitching out.

But I have the opposite problem now. I meet girls like this, and I’ve already been with 20 other girls just as hot and cool as them before. So suddenly the sex isn’t that important at all, and suddenly those “complications” aren’t always worth the trouble. Why create all sorts of problems with this girl when I can go out for a few nights and go home with a girl just as hot WITHOUT all of the complications?

Let me ask you this… If you were a millionaire, would you still work for $20/hr? It’s the same thing… if you’ve slept with 100 beautiful women, why add unnecessary stress to your life for 101?

An old acquaintance from high school got in touch with me. She is doing a Ph.D program there at a very prestigious program, was new in town there and saw I was in town on Facebook and asked if I wanted to get together for a drink or something. I had been working my ass off for like three days straight, so I said sure, why not?

This girl was never attractive in high school (you can probably already see where this is going). She was the awkward lanky girl with braces and acne. I was best friends with her older brother and we’d routinely make fun of her. By the end of high school, her family and mine had become friends. So I’d categorize her as a “family friend” even though she and I were never actually that close.

Well jump ahead to earlier this week: she shows up and she’s hot (predictable, I know). She’s still nerdy and brilliant (my weak spot). And we hit it off insanely well… like not just a superficial “oh, we had fun together,” but some serious deep rapport, not-so-subtle flirting and suddenly one drink turned into seven. Next thing we know, it’s 3:00AM on a Monday night. She just spent 30 minutes telling me how she’s been too busy to date anyone since starting her grad program and invites me to crash at her place “if you need to.” (By the way, for the thick-headed or newbies, this is how girls tell you they want to sleep with you.)

So far, this is probably reading like a really boring LR. But wait… there’s a catch…

I readily admit that, for better or worse, two years ago I go home with her and stick it in and don’t think twice about it. But maybe I’ve finally had enough of these “deep comfort” lays come back to bite me in the ass, maybe I’m just a pussy these days… either way, on top of my other PUA spidey senses, one I’ve acquired is knowing when I’m about to ruin a girl’s world.

OK, not ruin her world, but I can tell when one is going to get seriously emotionally attached and doesn’t have the experience to handle it. This was one such case.

Now… still, probably three out of four times, I still go home and stick it in her (but at least I think twice about it now). My position in these situations is usually, “She knows I travel and sleep around a lot, she should know what she’s getting into.” It’s because of rationalizations like this that I end up having to call my cell phone provider to block girls’ phone numbers. But I digress…

But the second catch… her older brother is one of my oldest and closest friends. Her parents are friends with my parents. Now ruining her world is suddenly ruining a lot of people’s worlds.

(The other interesting caveat about the whole “family friend” thing is that I swear it sets up more of a relationship expectation from the start. This factor is almost a double-whammy of bad idea.)

So in a rare moment of clarity… I passed up on it. It felt weird and I questioned myself all the way home, but I woke up knowing it was the right move. If you’ve read my blog for a few years now, you’ll recognize this is a wholly new concept in my arsenal: recognizing not only when sex is a bad idea, but correctly acting on it… while drunk, mind you. If this was the military, I’d deserve a goddamn gold star.

Or as Rob Judge described it, “Just because you know karate doesn’t mean you have to beat the shit out of everybody.”

I think this is what normal people call “maturity.”

I do plan on keeping in touch with her. She’s totally long-term relationship material… in fact, she’s like maxed out in everything I look for in a girlfriend, so much I think it was a little scary. The last thing I want/need right now is another serious relationship. Maybe that’s why it was easier to walk away.

The other side of the situation that occurred to me is that this scenario is basically a chode or AFC’s absolute dream scenario.

Think about it: girl from your past suddenly reappears in your life and is attractive in all of the ways you look for in a serious relationship. Five years have passed, but you still have a rapport and comfort with one another removing any reason for “game.” The chemistry is through the roof with almost no effort. And on top of that, you already have the familial connections making the relationship practically pre-ordained.

I think eight years ago, I would have fantasized about this situation. I think most guys would think of this as “the perfect” scenario.

But me? It was the only situation I’ve been able to bring myself to pass up in ages. Not to mention it freaked me out a little bit…

PUA’s definitely are a different breed.

Check it out.

But seriously, I’m really excited about the product. Some details:

- 3 Hour Audio Course
- 30 pages of PDF’s
- Various Bonuses

Stay tuned to http://www.manoncampus.com/ tomorrow to check it out.

Women are the Social Currency of Social Circles

When talking about social proof, some social proof is better than others. For instance, hanging around Angelina Jolie is going to make you look a lot cooler than hanging around a fat nerdy guy with ketchup stains on his shirt.

Now, I don’t want you to feel like I’m giving the message “Only become friends with people who make you look cooler,” because that’s not what I’m saying. Friendships should transcend any sort of social status and be about a legitimate connection.

But you do need to be aware of the social proof going on around you and generally speaking, women — particularly hot women — represent more social value than anyone else.

Think about it, if you roll up to a club with five hot girls, what happens? You can cut in line, sometimes not even paying cover.

Having hot women around you sub-consciously triggers OTHER hot women to pay attention to you and ask themselves, “who is that guy?”

On top of that, it makes every other guy want to be your friend and also have to qualify themselves to you as they often feel like they need “permission” to have access to your women.

Being surrounded by hot girls is a very, very powerful tool. It can get you opened. It can get you free drinks and free club admission. It can get you invited to parties and events. It can get guys wanting to hang out with you. Etc. Etc.

Just look at the pick up community. Take a local “lair” (a local gathering of guys who get together to help each other get better with women). Who does everyone want to hang out with in the lairs? The guy who gets the most girls.

In fact, the fact that you bought this product probably represents some form of this social currency in play — I have slept with a lot of women, particularly through my social circles. So in return, you want to hear what I have to say and I imagine if I was in the room, you’d want to hang out.

Again, I need to reiterate that this does not give you right to be snobby towards your “uncool” friends or you guy friends. You should still hang out with who you want, when you want, for the reasons you want.

But if you’re looking to attract beautiful women, then you need to focus on hanging around girls as much as possible.

You can still hang out with your anime buddy. But hang out with him at your apartment and watch a movie. When you go out to a bar or club, invite a dozen of the cutest girls you know and reap the benefits.

Rule 3: Explore Your Hobbies

Speaking of cold approaching, we must now consider the best places to cold approach. Since we’re now cold approaching for friendships rather than to purely get laid, it changes our considerations of where to go and who to talk to.

Cold approaching for lays: You’re most interested in venues with high quantities of attractive women, highly social and chaotic environments, girls that are likely to be wild and looking for fun. Night clubs fit this bill perfectly.

Cold approaching for friends: Since building rapport and making friendships is the primary concern, night clubs and bars actually work against this prerogative a bit. Not that you can’t go there to meet people, but they tend to be hard to hold deep and interesting conversations in and people don’t take the environments as seriously.

Day game is a better option, but day game is highly random as you literally have NO idea who you’re talking to when you initially open them. At least in night clubs and bars you know that they like to party are fun, but during the day, there’s no way to tell.

Also, you run into calibration problems if you just open women in day game for friendships. It’s one thing when you’re clearly hitting on her, stopping her in the middle of the grocery store doesn’t seem so unnecessary. But if you’re just making friends, an abrupt approach in the middle of her daily life can come across as strange or unfounded.

Doing day time approaches are still doable, and still encouraged, but generally, you’ll want to stick to more situational openers and conversation than any pre-scripted attraction routine or going direct.

This leaves so-called “warm approaches.” These so-called “warm approaches,” for whatever reason, are somewhat looked down upon in the seduction community, probably because they’re not as “pure” as cold approach and don’t require as much skill.

But since we’re sarging for friendships, there’s no better place to start.

First, what I mean be “warm approaches” is approaching people at events or groups that you’re a part of. For instance, the people you work with would be “warm approaches.” You’re expected to talk to them and there’s already a lot you have in common just from the fact that you work together.

These approaches are usually much easier, but the key selling point for using them in social circle game is that fact that you already have a commonality, immediately. Commonalities are your quickest ticket to rapport. Rapport builds friendships. Friendships create social proof. Social proof creates attraction. And attraction gets you massive amounts of pussy.
So what’s the best way to seek out people who have commonalities with you already?

Explore your hobbies.

Join clubs, groups, or become more active in whichever one’s you’re already in. If you don’t have a many groups or clubs, seek one out. Meetup.com is a goldmine for finding interesting things to do in your area. Simply search their listings for stuff that you’re interested in and you’ll immediately show up to a group of dozens of like-minded people.

There are, of course, good hobbies and bad hobbies to pursue when it comes to meeting attractive women. For instance, joining a chess club probably isn’t the most surefire way to make friends with a lot of attractive women. Whereas joining a Yoga class is practically guaranteed to have beautiful women in it.

Here are some suggestions and ideas for places to make like-minded friends for you to hang out with:

Work
Roommates/Suitemates/Neighbors
Church/Religious event (no, I’m not kidding)
Dance classes (Salsa, Tango, Swing)
Acting classes
Comedy classes
Yoga and classes at your local gym
Intramural leagues (preferably co-ed)

Some other good hobbies that work well: running, rock climbing, singing or music, etc.

I have a good friend who is somewhat of an event-junkie: he goes to multiple meetup.com events a week, plays intramural sports and attends various classes weekly and he absolutely cleans up. He rarely cold approaches and NEVER goes to bars or night clubs, be he’s always dating a rotation of 2-4 women and constantly has things and events to attend.

In the end, not only will you meet a plethora of cool people and make new friends, but you’ll have a far more active and enriching life aside from the new social life.

And don’t forget, the first two rules still apply. You’re there primarily to make friends (any/all girls and any guys who seem really cool). Collect people’s phone numbers and start inviting them out.

What is Social Circle Game?

Social Circle game is the current “fad” in the pick up community right now, although there’s really nothing innovative about it. In fact, it’s what probably 90% of the regular population does to get good with women. A lot of what guys consider “naturals” are just guys with some social savvy and a lot of friends — i.e., they run social circle game. So the principles here are nothing new or revolutionary, in fact, they’re more “mainstream” and “normal” than your typical PUA material and theory.

Social Proof as Attraction

The crux of Social Circle game is basically that you let social proof create all of the attraction for you. In reality, this is a much more natural way of generating attraction than classic routines (negs, banter, DHV’s, etc.) which create what some call “synthetic attraction.”

Social Circle Game relies on social proof for attraction, but the form of social proof differs drastically from the what the PUA community typically considers “social proof.” A lot of so-called Social Circle Game up until this point in the community has advocated a kind of synthetic social proof. Tell me if this looks familiar:

1. You enter a club, immediately open the nearest set.
2. Go in very low-key, befriend the guys, flirt with the girls a bit. Ask how their night’s going, basically get them to laugh a bit and to like you.
3. Excuse yourself and open the next set. Continue to run light 3-minute sets throughout the entire venue.
4. Return to warmest sets and begin merging them or creating jealousy plotlines between them to generate more attraction.
5. Eventually, the perception will emerge in a few girls that you seem to be friends with everyone and that a ton of other girls are into you.
6. Escalate and close the girl with the highest buying temperature/best logistics.

Don’t get me wrong, this is a highly effective way to get SNL’s and solid #’s once you get good at it. It’s a shit ton of work and talking. It generally helps to be extremely high energy. But it’s not what “naturals” do or what your everyday cool guy does to get laid.

The problem with it is that, just like standard attraction game, the rapport you build is “synthetic.” You may come up with commonalities with random guys in every set you open, but really it’s just a mirage. Now, I’d just like to state for the record that there’s nothing wrong with this type of game, but it’s not truly social circle game. It’s more cold approach game in disguise. For instance:

1. Dude #1 enters venue, cold approaches 12 sets, gets blown out of 4, gets two solid numbers, and eventually takes a girl home.
2. Dude #2 enters venue, cold approaches 25 sets, gets blown out of none but only hangs around in 4-5. Gets four solid numbers. Takes a girl home.

In the second case you’re approaching twice as many sets to get relatively the same results, except in the second situation you’re establishing a lot of acquaintances and maybe a couple friends.

Social Circle Game Means Sarging for Friends

True social circle game involves three factors that synthetic social circle game doesn’t: reputation, connecting people, attraction by osmosis.

1. Reputation: Basically what people say about you when you’re not there. In synthetic social circle game, people may say little more than, “he was friendly.” When you have your hands in a variety of different social scenes and groups over an extended period of time, people start talking about you. What they say about you determines amount of social proof you have within that group.

2. Connecting people: Being able to establish quality relationships and friendships between two people you know. For instance, if you’re friends with a guy who has chronic back pain and this girl you just met is a chiropractor. If you hook those two up, your value in both of their eyes will increase, increasing your social proof and increasing the attraction.

3. Attraction by Osmosis: This is the strange phenomena that occurs when a group of female friends are all attracted to the same guy. And I don’t mean this in a cold-approach, oh-my-DHV-story-wowed-them-all kind of way. I mean in the way that two girls meet you and like you so much that they go tell all their girlfriends how cute, sexy, hot you are so when you meet the other women for the first time they’re already interested in you. Anybody who has had a long-term girlfriend has probably experienced this at least once.

The idea of social circle game is a long-term game plan. To build up your social circle to the point where you DON’T have to do any work, where you DON’T have to cold approach and you continue to get laid by sexy girls consistently.

The rest of the articles in this series will go into the specifics of making this happen.*

* – Only a few will be made public, the rest will be available as a companion product to the upcoming College Game Audio Course.

I’m also doing a bunch of interviews right now. One is supposed to be for a local news station, but the broad keeps flaking on me (women…).

But anyway, this week’s mailbag deals with more theoretical stuff of why you should escalate, social circle game, and limiting beliefs.

Hey Mark, I’ve been analyzing my game lately and I think that the only thing that I don’t do is pushing the interaction, your famous ABC! I get telephone numbers easily, but I think anyone can do that. I’ve made out few times and when I do it I see the girl again. I’ve never had a SNL or sex in the bathroom. Why is it so hard to see the girl again if you don’t have a physical interaction with her? What does she think that she wants to see you again? What does she think that she doesn’t want to see you again when yo don’t have a physical interaction with her? What’s going on in their minds? Why do I have to have the physical interaction ASAP? What is the problem with dating?

Thanks, Leo.

There’s nothing “Wrong” with dating or taking things slow. The more physical you get with a woman, the more invested they become in the interaction. For instance, if you talk to a woman for two hours one night and get her number she may think three days later, “Oh, he was a nice guy,” but not make any effort to see you again. But if you talk for two hours and passionately make out then she’s much more likely to remember you, be more emotionally invested in you, and backward rationalize reasons why she liked you and wants to see you again.

I recommend guys get physical as soon as possible because it increases their chances of seeing women again, decreases flakes, and gives them more flexibility in establishing expectations for the relationship.

Entropy,
I’m 20, but I feel like I’m 60. I feel like I’ve been wasting my life. Everytime I try and improve my discipline, skills, whatever, a little voice inside me goes “Damn you, John. Why didn’t you do this years ago?” I need to get over my regrets.

Thanks,
John

Yeah, you do. Dude, you’re so young, it’s ridiculous. Just remind yourself every time you think this to go ahead and do now because if you don’t, five years from now you’ll back and say, “Damnit John, why didn’t you do this when you were 20.” This way, you can prevent those thoughts from even occurring in the future.

Hey Entropy, I think you are right on with your Personalizing Pickup ideas. To follow up on the question from anonomous, for us lucky guys who have physical advantages, would you suggest different openers since we are coming in with high value as it is? Direct or indirect, maybe low-investment or compliment openers, or even low value openers like Braddock’s “I’m not sure what to say to you, but I had to meet you. I’m Braddock.”

How about with qualification? Should we avoid the large and harsher hoops like “What do you have going for you other than your looks?” and stick with small/medium hoops? Or should we assume rapport and go straight into comfort after the opener?

Thanks.
F

Yes, the more physical advantages you have, the more going direct will take care of literally all the attraction game you need. Also, much lower investment openers work really well, such as, “Hi, I’m F.” because most of the time when you approach girls figure you approach women a lot and want to be hit on by you.

As for qualifying, you don’t want to be harsh, but definitely get as deep as possible with your hoops to build more comfort. Again, the disadvantage of being good-looking is that women are going to be slower to trust you and think that you say this shit to every girl. You’re much more likely to come off as a “player” and often they have to feel like they earned your affection. This is why the more natural (passive) attraction you have, the less you need to build (active attraction).

Hey Entropy! Sad news Doc is done but I’m actually glad for him. Simple question: how do you handle getting a reputation with being with a lot of women. For a while I felt like my dick was on the black list but recently I have been cleaning up, but certainly girls have heard about me. Any ideas?

Best,
Adam

I wrote about this last year. I call it “Attraction by Osmosis.” It’s an interesting effect once you infiltrate a social circle and start sleeping with the girls in it.

What happens is they naturally become more attracted to you (this is what I called “attraction by osmosis”). But because of their increased attraction for you, they become more skeptical of you and will test your congruence a LOT. I think they also do this for social reasons because they don’t want their other friends to think they’re trying to steal their man or whatever.

But basically these girls will ACT really bitchy towards you, but if you remain unaffected and get one of them alone, usually sleeping with them is very easy.

This is a follow up to Sunday’s Conversation Demolition. A reader had a great question about gaming girls at work and how having a reputation as a player can affect your career:

Does developing a “reputation” in the office seem to hurt your ability to rise in the company? PU stuff all aside. I would think maybe, especially in this day and age where women have more power in the workplace. if they are showing disdain on the surface, even if they really want your penis, that could still hurt you. But maybe not.

To be honest, I’ve never held a stable 9-5 office job for more than six weeks, so I couldn’t really answer it, but some other readers were able to offer good points.

It’s specific to the industry in which you work. In the financial services world (or what still exists of it), there are very few women in management and it’s a very alpha-centric social order, so fucking one or multiple female assistants or associates is no big deal and probably helps your office status. In other worlds, building a reputation as the office slut will not be a good thing for your career path at all.

In general though, and to quote my old Italian professor and life mentor, don’t shit where you eat. While it can be hot to fuck one of your co-workers on your work desk, and you can certainly get away with it, you’re creating a ton of potential for screwing up your career if you don’t navigate the situation well. 1,000 times more true if one of you in any way reports to the other one.

If you’re serious about your career (and you don’t work in an atmosphere where fucking co-workers is encouraged as it is in banking), dip into that pool at your own peril. There are plenty of other ways to meet hot women.

And another good point:

Keep in mind that if anything goes wrong and she uses the dreaded words “sexual harassment” you are in for a world of trouble. Not worth the risk IMO.

But I suppose a fact of note is that the hero in the demolition is from Europe and Europeans tend to be much more lax about sex in general than Americans, so I asked the man himself, and this is what he had to say:

I have been sleeping and fooling around with girls on various jobs, and it has never hurt my carreer.

What is very important though, at least in my opinion and also for most of the girls, is that you are discrete and keep it on the down low. Not only shouldn’t you want to be seen as a player that uses all the girls, she doesn’t want everybody to know either. This is also something that you can use to build attraction and sexual tension, for instance by mentioning how naughty it is to sleep with a co-worker. Furthermore, most bosses don’t appreciate office romances, simply because it’s distracting and thus may influence performance. So if your boss notices that you’re screwing all the girls in the office he won’t be happy about it, especially not if he isn’t getting any of them.

My advice would be to keep it discrete, and try to make sure nobody finds out.

And there ya have it. Use your judgment and discretion wisely. Or as my dad used to tell me, “Son, don’t dip your pen in company ink.” But luckily I’m in an industry that’s pretty accepting about those things.