Approaching, Attraction, PUA Theory - Monday, February 9, 2009 19:00 - 1 Comment

First Impressions

“The first impression is the lasting impression.” DJFuji said this in his Casanova Crew lair talk last week.

This quote got me thinking about how first impressions aren’t talked about enough in the community. Everyone is always talking about newest opener, the best way to develop inner game, frames, routines, and all kinds of other shit that doesn’t matter if you can’t get your foot in the door and start a conversation with someone.

Most people meet members of the opposite sex through their social circle or through common interests. If a girl meets a guy at a convention for doctors a lot is assumed and this affects her first impression of the guy. She can assume that he is successful, smart, educated, etc. before even looking at him. The fact that his shirt is a size too big is easily overlooked because of all the passive value he brings to the table just for being a doctor.

But we’re trying to learn COLD approach. On a cold approach you know nothing about the girl you’re going to start a conversation with and she know nothing about you. All she has to judge you on is the first impression you give off. If you’re well dressed, well groomed, carry yourself well, and make eye contact she’s much more likely to give you the time of day than if you have bad posture, need to shave, and all your clothes are a size too big.

But lets bring this all back to day game.

Day game is the coldest of the cold approach. You literally know nothing about the girl except that she shops in whatever store you happen to meet her in. You’re also in a situation where it’s not the social norm to hit on strangers. And finally you’re opening direct. Needless to say your first impression is pretty important.

I noticed a weird phenomenon that happened with my day game sets that I never really understood until recently. Women would always think that stuff I did was bolder and more direct than it actually was. I could talk about dropping out of college and they’d tell me they wish they could just do that and do what they wanted to do with life.

Everything I said and did was framed under the first impression that I was a man who went after what I wanted. The act of me going out of my way during the day and picking them up made such a lasting impression on them that everything I did afterward was framed around that first impression.

So how do you create a good first impression?

Sinn always said ‘Anyone who’s trying to get good at pickup and doesn’t dress well is retarded.” He’s right. Fashion and grooming is the first place to start. I’m not going to write a fashion guide though. GQ and Details are both excellent men’s fashion magazines and Kinowear is a great blog all about dressing for success.

For grooming you’re going to want to go get a “good” haircut. A good haircut should cost about $40. Salons that charge much more than that usually are just charging for the experience of being there and will have more complimentary services like bathrobes, head massages, drinks, etc. Unless you’re going for the 5 o’clock shadow look you want to shave daily. You want to keep your nails short and clean. Get rid of excessive body hair, especially on visible areas like your neck. And it should go without saying but brush your teeth, apply deodorant, and shower at least once a day.

The second thing you’re going to want to fix is your nonverbal communication. This means body language, eye contact, vocal tonality, facial expressions, etc. There are a ton of good books written on all of these subjects. A good one to start with is The Definitive Book of Body Language

Finally I like to add that you should have a good handshake. It should be firm but not rough and ff your dad didn’t teach you read this article or go to a car dealership and shake all the sales guys hands. Odds are that they’ll have a good handshake.

I can guarantee that the better your first impression is the better all of your interactions with women are going to go.