Humor, Other - Wednesday, September 9, 2009 3:09 - 17 Comments

Shitty Night Clubs II

I’m hanging out in Europe. About to give my first lair talk tonight. My little mini-vacation was nice — nice to get away from everything, from work, from the States, etc.

But last week, I stumbled across something funny. My favorite sports writer (Bill Simmons) was writing about his recent trip to Vegas and how a connection of his got him and his buddies into the famous nightclub Pure. Mind you, he and his friends are like 40 and married now, but the way he described modern nightclubs is eerily similar to the way I wrote about them in this post about a month back. Of course, being a far better writer than I am, he summed it up about twice as well in half the space. Money quote:

“Thanks to a connection, I drag everyone to Pure (the famous nightclub in Caesars) for 30 minutes just so they can enter the alternate universe that doubles as a Vegas nightclub. People are waiting two hours to get in. (This shatters my One-Hour Rule, which goes like this: If you’re waiting in line for an hour or more for ANYTHING, there’d better be free sex or free money at the end of that line.) Our connection leads us to the upstairs/outdoor patio, where we have a little booth and quickly realize that, hey, we’re too old and have nothing in common with anyone here. Like we didn’t know that already.

The current nightclub scene eludes me. As far as I can tell, our goal (if we were single) would be to somehow get a booth, then order $500 bottles with mixers, then see whether we can lure girls over to the booth to talk to us, drink from our $500 bottles and possibly give/get an STD. For the females (if single), their goal is to find a booth of unsuspecting marks, flirt with the guys, drink from their $500 bottles, make it seem as though something might happen and then either flee the premises or give/get an STD. And everyone is fine with this arrangement. It’s apparently fun.My three issues: First, the current system prices out nearly everyone who relies on casual sex (guys between 22 and 32). Second, I’m surprised Pure hasn’t printed enough money by now to buy the Grizzlies. What a racket. And third, whatever happened to just going to a crowded bar and buying people shots and beers? Am I that old? Is this how parents in the late ’60s felt when pot and Woodstock and acid and mushrooms started taking off? I don’t get your tattoos! I don’t get your $500 bottle nightclubs! I’m old. I’m old. Did I mention I’m old?”

Full article can be read here. It’s basically just 10 pages about a guy who’s 40 and goes to Vegas for the 38th time. Pretty useless from a pickup point of view.

I’ll be returning to my normal posting from here on out again.