But enough about that, I just wanted to pop in since I haven’t updated in a while. The European trip is coming together GREAT. It looks like I’m going to make stops in at least 4-5 different cities, do a lot of lair talks, and coach a handful of guys. I’m really looking forward to it.

So today, I just wanted to give a quick mailbag question I got recently about lifestyle and communicating your lifestyle.

I have purchased your ebook but i am just trying to understand how my passions would integrate into my identity and the way i dress.

Thanks.

I wouldn’t get too hung up worrying about boasting. I mean, a lot of women will be impressed by it, but a lot won’t care. I’ve worked with guys who were 4th degree blackbelts and shit and talking about it never did anything but help them.

Just keep in mind, what you actually love to do isn’t actually as important as why you do it. I mean, most women aren’t really going to care about martial arts at all. The question is, WHY are you passionate about it? WHY do you love it? WHY is it the one thing you really love to do? What does that say about yourself? That’s what women will care about.

Think more about working that into the conversation. What does your martial arts background say about you and how can you integrate that into your interactions more? The actual FACTS of your life are going to come up randomly any way, but what you want to focus on talking about is the personality that drives your lifestyle.

I’m starting to get some results and it’s fucking with my head. I’m starting to feel really guilty because I feel like these girls are like falling in love with me but I don’t feel the same way with them. Is this normal?

I think so. When guys first start to get some success it really messes with your head at first because your entire life you’ve programed yourself to appreciate women more than you’re appreciated, you’ve always been the guy who likes her more than she likes you and as a result you always get your heart broken. Well, when the tables flip all of the sudden, it’s a huge mindfuck and a lot of guys immediately feel guilty. They feel like they’re getting affection they don’t deserve and when they break things off they feel like they have no right to hurt someone.

It’s tough, yes, but it’s life. In the end you can never hold yourself responsible for other people’s emotions, only your own. If a girl falls head-over-heels for you and you don’t exactly feel the same way about her, you eventually learn to appreciate her and savor the feeling without feeling guilty or unworthy of it. A lot of guys get caught off-guard by this outpouring of emotion from women (especially lower self-esteem women which newer guys tend to attract) and it freaks them out, but once you get used to it you learn this is what’s so wonderful about women that draws us to them so strongly.

I was in a set the other night, all her girl friends and a few dudes are partyin’. I give her a direct opener at the bar by complimeting her style. Her friend says it’s her b-day and I should by her a drink. I ask her how old she is. She says she’s 23 and doesn’t want to talk about it. I tell her she’s not that old and you can’t complain until you’re my age then she asks how old I am. I make her guess and she says 25-26. I tell her I’m older and she follows up with “you’re trouble” then ejects on me. I didn’t have a verbal follow up and just smiled.

Second time this weekend a chick tells me I’m trouble. What would you guys say to a girl who says you’re trouble?

First of all, the “you’re trouble” comment is usually a good sign, especially if it’s happening later in an interaction (like a date or something). What it basically means is that she’s attracted to you and actually so attracted to you that it kind of worries her.

I always deflect the statement with one of two things: “I’m the worst kind of trouble,” (if I’m going for an SNL) or, “Yeah, but I’m the best kind of trouble,” if I’m going for a more long-term thing or I’m on a date. Either works. Both make her laugh.

The important thing is that I immediately segue into some comfort. For more info, check out the Night Game Model in the articles section.

Hey Mark hows it going,

I recently read your blog post about being well read and it has inspired me to get reading during my summer break from uni.  Mostly because while i was study for exams i notice that i was slow as fuck with my readings.  Anyways the part of the blog post that caught my attention the most was how reading all those philosophy books during your summer break helped you out with your grades, which i could use as well, so my question is what are some good philosophy and social science books you can recommend?

p.s. when do you think you will be releasing your college game program?

YES! Reading really dense non-fiction for an entire summer made college a snap after that. I actually have an “official” page for book recommendations up. But since you asked for some more serious philosophical and social science stuff, I’ll add a few more.

- Ken Wilber’s A Brief History of Everything and Integral Psychology. Think of Ken Wilber as Eckhart Tolle, except he explains spirituality through rigorous psychological understanding and philosophical research. He’s as rigorous as he is lucid. These books are “dense” in that they require a basic understanding of a LOT of concepts (anthropology, psychology, biology, philosophy, religion, etc.) but the writing is clear and wonderful. Wilber had a profound effect on my life.

- The Singularity Is Near by Ray Kurzweil. Kurzweil is an inventor, futurist and called by some “The Thomas Edison of our time.” His inventions span everything from the synthesizer to text-to-speech software. He’s also well-known for being on the cutting edge not only of technology, but understanding how technology will effect society, culture and every day life. This book looks out over the next 50 years with the rise of robotics, genetic medicine and nanotechnology, the conclusions he comes to are as controversial as they are profound. Really awesome shit here.

- For global politics and culture, check out stuff by Andrew Bacevich, Andrew Sullivan, Amy Chua and Fareed Zakaria. Avoid “pop” political books and stuff like “The Progress Paradox” and “Freakonomics.” They’re really simple concepts and entertaining stories disguised as “academic” (when they’re really just marketed to people in airports). Avoid Noam Chomsky at all costs.

- As for philosophy, I’ve read a lot of primary works of guys from Aristotle to Nietzsche to Hegel to Bertrand Russell. I honestly don’t think there’s any significant advantage to reading the primary works (which are sometimes impossible to decipher) rather than commentary on their work. A lot of the ancient philosophers’ ideas are considered pretty commonplace today anyway.

- On the other hand, when it comes to psychology, I did enjoy reading Carl Jung and some of Freud’s stuff.

That should be enough to get you started. As you start reading you’ll get turned onto new subjects. The more you read and learn the more you become curious about new things. Just keep following your curiosity and you can’t go wrong.

Hi Entropy,

Thanks,
Lore

Going direct on a girl in mixed sets will have one of two reactions, and it’s completely based on your non-verbals and first impression to the group. The guys will either get very defensive and engage you or they’ll back down and completely leave you alone. Unfortunately, a lot of this has to do with whether a) they want the girl or not and b) whether they think they could kick your ass if they had to or not.

I avoid the super-direct stuff for mixed sets. Mixed sets, I find engaging the guys first and then talking to the girls works the best. When you engage the girls first, the guys usually put their guard up and try to AMOG your or whatever (I hate that term). Indirect openers work well for mixed sets.

Hey Mark, I think the subjects says it all. I’ve been meeting girls that somehow hit on me and they are doable but their personallity is… how can I say it…. shallow?, not interesting, etc. Some of them are so dumb that I don’t want to interact too much with them but I’d like to fuck them, or at least try to. But How can I build comfort with somebody that I’m not really interested emotionally? Forget the moral part of the subject, please!

Unfortunately, a lot of women will fall into this category. I literally had a girl answer the question, “What’s your biggest passion in life? What do you love to do more than anything?” with, “Watch reality television.” She was serious too. To answer your question, just get her to talk about herself a lot. Even if you’re not interested, get her to go on and on about herself. Everyone’s favorite conversation topic is themselves, and the more you get her to talk about it, the more she’ll feel connected to you.

I have a question/problem about monogamy and having sex whenever and however I want. Maybe I’m looking at this the wrong way, but here’s how I see it. Whenever I’m dating more girl at a time, and one of them doesn’t want to have sex at some particular point in time, or doesn’t want to do whatever kinky thing I want right then, I’m totally fine with it. My attitude is like, “it’s not her responsibility to make me happy, my fate is in my hands, I can go fuck some other girl”, and it’s not like I’m mad at the girl at all. I still have totally positive emotions towards her.

It’s like I automatically become needy when I’m in a monogamous relationship.  Is there a way out of this trap, without simply becoming a committed polyamorist and refusing to enter a monogamous relationship?

This is a form of neediness in your relationships. For whatever reason, you’re attaching a lot of validation to how often your partner has sex with you. For whatever reason, you’re connecting “her wanting to have sex with me,” with “she loves me,” and this only becomes a big deal when you’re in a serious relationship.

I feel like in every long-term relationship there’s always one person who wants sex more than the other and this dynamic comes up a lot, where one person always feels like they have to bother the other one for sex and the other gets turned off by it. This may sound stupid, but do you still look at porn when you’re in a relationship? You may try that to relieve your excess sexual desire and not put pressure on your partner. As for not seeking the validation from her, that’s simply something you have to overcome by understanding she loves you despite whether she’s horny or not.

If you have questions you want answered, pickup-related or otherwise, serious or humorous, personal or philosophical, anything, feel free to email them to me at: entropy@practicalpickup.com or leave it as a comment to this post.

Could you possibly tell us what you learned from those 2 naturals? Could you interview them?

- Anonymous

My first natural friend — the one who helped me get good exceedingly fast — had more dominance than anyone I’ve ever met. His frame and inner game was generally impenetrable. As a result, him going direct was just lethal. No matter how the girl reacted, he wouldn’t back down or be phased.

The second one I met about a year ago. Most of the deep comfort and connection stuff you read about from me was inspired by him. When I met him, the stuff he talked about I couldn’t even fathom before (getting girls to cry tears of joy while talking to him, etc.).

The first one I have lost touch with as he moved to Florida a year or two ago. The second one I still keep in periodic email contact with, although we don’t talk about pick up much anymore.

The first one I doubt I could ever interview. The second one, I have about 75-100 pages worth of email exchange on the subject of pickup with that I may do something with one day (he’s given me permission). These were all long emails (some as long as 20 pages) and very involved. It’s advanced content, but the content of those emails trumps most products I’ve ever seen. Many of the “new” ideas that I’ve had on this blog were inspired by him.

Is it healthy to take rejection and roll it off and laugh about it? Or to take it and work on yourself to get better ?

- Broken Dreams NYC

Ideally, the answer would be both. We all get rejected, so we all need to deal with it. I would say in the moment you get rejected, it’s never bad to laugh it off. Getting rejected sucks, and anything you can do to keep your spirits up in the moment is worthwhile.

I think down the road you need to analyze the situation and fix whatever caused the rejection. What I typically do and tell students is wait until the next day. For instance, if you go out Friday night, I wait until Saturday to think about all my sets and analyze everything or journal/write field reports. Sleeping on it detaches your emotions from it and gives you perspective. There are a lot of times that I would be upset about bombing with some girl and then I’d wake up the next day and not care anymore and actually be able to objectively figure out what I did wrong.

You wrote: “Some guys are simply horrible at instituting new behaviors. They don’t know how to change themselves. Other guys are horribly un-disciplined. A lot of guys don’t hold themselves to high standards, or have poor beliefs about themselves.”

Ok, that’s me. Is there an answer beyond “get some balls?”

- Pure Win

Yes. There is something fundamental, deep down, and probably emotional, that’s holding you back. Starting probing yourself for WHY you don’t want to improve, why you believe shitty stuff about yourself, why you don’t push yourself. I guarantee it’s a deep, underlying emotional issue that you haven’t resolved. Look into therapy if you have trouble.

How do you handle mixed sets? I have read various things on approaching mixed sets, and it appears some folks take the go directly to the girl vs. befriend everyone and then work the target angle. Personally, I prefer to approach the target and then work on the friends. And pointers for working mixed sets?

Keep up the killer posts!
- TR

Well, I don’t really know the “official” way to do mixed sets, but I’ll tell you how I do them.

- If there are more guys then girls, I approach and befriend the guys first and find out how they all know each other.
- If there are more girls than guys and the guys look like a bunch of pushovers — i.e., dorky work friends who have no chance at dating any of the girls — I approach the girls directly. I’ve noticed in these situations, when girls are with what you would call “beta” (I fucking hate that term) males, if you approach confidently and dominate the conversation, these guys will just kind of slink into the background. They don’t really need to be befriend other than for logistical reasons.
- If there are more girls than guys, but the guys don’t look like pussies — i.e., if he looks like he could actually be fucking at least one of the girls — I may approach the girls or him (depends on situation I guess), but I make a point to befriend him and figure out his logistical situation within the group. For instance, if he’s obviously gaming one girl, I’ll respect him by going for the other.

Mixed sets make a lot of guys nervous. The truth is, 90% of guys are harmless as long as you’re respectful to them. Often all it takes is a handshake and introduction to disarm an AMOG.

Guys who are shorter or smaller are going to always have a harder time with other guys. If you’re a bigger guy, you’ll just about never get AMOG’d, ever.