Posts Tagged ‘Inner Game’
Inner Game, PUA Theory - Thursday, April 8, 2010 18:17 - 2 Comments
A smattering of questions popped up in the comments to my last post about dumb luck and experience. I’d also like to make some clarifications, as some people seem to not understand what I mean by dumb luck.
First off, to clarify, I don’t mean luck IN SET, what I mean by luck is all of the external factors that influence chasing tail… all external factors are out of your control and are therefore random and considered “luck.” Go out and venues are dead? That’s out of your control and luck. Open a girl and her friend just puked and passed out? Luck. Opened another girl and she’s insanely horny and loves guys who look just like you? Luck.
I am arguing that the vast majority of factors in pick up are external, therefore the vast majority of picking up girls is luck. Again, your actual “game,” no matter how good or bad, probably only influences 20% of your chances with women… It’s not much, but it adds up VERY FAST over the long-term (20 lays a year versus 2, for example).
Game will always give you the best chance to capitalize on the situations presented to you… but short of throwing yourself into as many situations as possible, you have no control over which situations you’re given. And the majority of situations are not going to be stacked in your favor. In fact, the vast majority of situations, you’re going to have little to no chance… That’s what I mean when I say luck.
Even if a guy stands in a bar all night and waits for a girl who’s horny to approach him… he’s still surrendering the majority of control over his outcomes to luck. He’s basically hoping for a drunk, horny girl to show up. Most nights, she won’t. But every now and then, she will. And even if he escalates perfectly and fucks her in the bathroom, he’s only controlled a tiny minority of his outcome.
I have a question: can you set yourself up for luck? Like, screen like crazy for girls that are really horny and receptive to escalation (if you’re going for SNL, bathroom, whatever)?
Absolutely. It’s called pre-selection, and we all do it to varying degrees. We all tend to avoid sets that we think would yield a poor result — tons of guys, seated sets, large groups, etc. — and focus on sets that we think we have a higher probability with. Again, this varies from guy to guy, and you could argue it’s even a skill unto itself. These days, I can scan a venue and find women who look like they’d be very receptive, both to me and in general.
This is how you hear some of these stories like, “two nights in a row, it was one and done. I opened one girl and took her home.” This DOES happen. I’ve done it. But you walk into a large venue, find the easiest looking girl and approach her. Or sometimes, guys will hang out for a few hours waiting for an “opportunity” to pop up. Nothing wrong with this, I do this quite a bit when I’m with friends now… But it’s definitely pre-selection, and you’re leaving a lot of pussy on the table by only approaching the low-hanging-fruit.
I have a small question, do you drink when you go out to on the ‘field’?
Yes, no, and yes. I get asked this constantly. The answer is yes, I do drink. Although I rarely get hammered, or even that drunk when chasing girls. When I first started, I had to get very, very drunk to work up the nerve to approach. After some time, I decided to stop on the booze for a while. In some ways, it made me better, but I decided that I enjoyed myself more with a couple drinks. So I’m back to drinking again, but not as hard or as often. I often won’t drink while coaching though. And some nights I’ll go crazy with some friends. My Achilles’ Heel is if a girl starts buying me shots… then it’s all over. In more ways than one…
Should you drink? My answer is always, it’s up to you. But if you feel you HAVE TO drink when you go out, then you need to learn to go out sober. Once you can go out sober, then make the decision. Gaming sober is pretty different and has its advantages, so I think every guy should try it.
If you have health concerns, like you’re an athlete or something, and you can’t afford to drink every night (those calories add up REAL fast), then no, don’t drink when you go out. Maybe save it for the weekends or something and just do shots of Vodka or something if you really want to.
Why do you think outer game should be learned first? Do you think that a solid inner reframe can naturally allow things like body language and interaction skills to enhance?
Only if the guy already has those body language and interaction skills. Some do, many don’t. Let’s take an example of a student: he’s a smart, confident and successful business man who can be very dominant and commanding in proper business situations. Then yes, it’s about fixing his inner game around women. It’s just a matter of transferring his confident behavior from his professional contexts to his social contexts.
But if you have a student who has spent most of his life behind a computer, has had few to no friends, has always been shy and awkward — in every situation his entire life — getting him to “open up” and “express himself” is just going to make him continue to express his awkwardness. He never learned good body language habits or social skills initially, so there’s nothing TO open up to. RSD always talks about how game is just learning to be “unstifled.” Well, what if you don’t even have enough to be stifle with?
Outer game needs to be taught first because it gives you reference experiences in the context of women in which to develop the important inner game qualities. Again, a guy who runs around yelling, “MY GAME IS A 10!” between 15 blow outs isn’t reframing anything. He’s deluding himself and avoiding dealing with some very fundamental outer game issues. First, he needs to develop the basic outer game skills — get women to talk to him, get a few phone numbers, make a few friends — before he even has a chance to worry about things like confidence, state, etc.
The other reason outer game should always be taught first is that it’s so easy to fix. Inner game issues take months if not years to overcome, and wax and wane from day to day. Outer game stuff can be fixed immediately and results can be improved immediately. And honestly, NOBODY has perfect outer game, so there are always new things to be focusing on.
It just comes back to that every guy has a unique situation. These days, probably 1/2 of the guys who come into the community already naturally have most of their outer game stuff handled. That’s why you see such an inner game focus in general these days… that’s the way the market’s shifted and most of the new coaches these days only had to fix their inner game, so they assume that’s all anybody has to fix.
Things in life are almost never as clear cut as “All you need is X.” Pick up is no different.
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