Ethics, Lifestyle, Personal, Relationships - Monday, January 18, 2010 23:51 - 6 Comments

Using the Correct Head, Ctd.

If you missed it, there was a nice comment discussion going on with this post — where I talked about passing up a lay where I thought it was a bad idea both socially and logistically.

Predictably, I got some comments calling me an AFC. Here’s the main one:

I do understand your point of view I have done the same thing. However there will come a day when you see stuff like this as missed opportunity. In the end your nice guy fantasy will be gone and so will the girl and someone else will have her instead. it sounds like you are a little negative about sex and are a little bit too sappy which is plain old afc syndrome. Your idea of her sex life is completely made up, you do not know she is monogamous by nature and if she is she is 1 in a million and maybe you should have proposed. However what happened was really nothing. This idea that not having sex is an accomplishmment is really bogus. Your whole story should be “I could have had a great night but I decided not to go for it at the end of the night because I was afraid of complications.”

The only thing I agree with you on is that nothing happened. It was just another girl, another interaction.

But I don’t think you do understand my point of view. The days of me seeing this as a “missed opportunity” are actually the 5 years behind me, not in front of me.

Someone else CAN have her, and assuming he can give her what she wants more than I can, I’d be happy for her. I’m secure enough to accept that I’m not willing to give her what she wants. I see it as “nexting” her for her own good.

Most women are fairly monogamous by nature. Again, the community skews men’s perception of women to believe that they’re all just like the club girl with the short skirt. The average American female has 7 partners in her life. HER WHOLE LIFE. Less than half ever have a one night stand.

There are robust statistics on this done by condom companies with sample sizes in the 100,000’s. Look them up (they’re somewhere here on the site).

Most people in the world aren’t huge partyers and socialites. Most people don’t really care how hot the person they made out with on Friday night was… Most people are fairly content to just date whoever they happen to meet in their every day lives and not think twice about it. This is true for women too.

If you really do want to understand my perspective (and I’m assuming you do since you’re coming here and trying to give me advice), then you should read this first: http://www.entropypua.com/blog/lr-three-girls-at-a-stripper-party

That sums up pretty well where I come from and where I was 3-4 years ago. I lost a couple friendships and broke up a new couple as a result of my actions on that night. But hey, I hooked up with three girls, laying two of them (one in the bathroom) that night. Worth it, right?

At the time, I thought so. And honestly, I wouldn’t go back and change anything that happened. It was an awesome night. But my point is, back then the sex took the priority. Girls crying, friendships ruined, people yelling… it didn’t matter, because I got laid and I was the man.

I don’t condemn that, but that’s just not my priority anymore. These days, a good friendship is worth just as much or more than sloppy bathroom sex. You can call that the “AFC mentality,” but I call it maturity. And I call it a privilege to have it, as I think it’s something that’s earned through being confident in yourself and your sexuality. It’s earned through experience.

And I’ve earned the experience to have that perspective. Seriously dude, have you ever had a bathroom lay? Once you get over the thrill, they’re really not that cool…

You’re right that I don’t want to deal with the complications. And if I was completely inexperienced, that would be a problem… If I didn’t have the experience, it WOULD be me bitching out.

But I have the opposite problem now. I meet girls like this, and I’ve already been with 20 other girls just as hot and cool as them before. So suddenly the sex isn’t that important at all, and suddenly those “complications” aren’t always worth the trouble. Why create all sorts of problems with this girl when I can go out for a few nights and go home with a girl just as hot WITHOUT all of the complications?

Let me ask you this… If you were a millionaire, would you still work for $20/hr? It’s the same thing… if you’ve slept with 100 beautiful women, why add unnecessary stress to your life for 101?