This is the promised follow up to my post from a couple weeks ago: Passion and Patience. If you haven’t read/watched it, do so.

I randomly stumbled across this video at an interesting point. There were a confluence of changes in my life going on at once, and for whatever reason, this video seemed to express them perfectly for me. A lot of these realizations are of the “no shit” variety — yet they’re obvious realizations that we for some reason either ignore or have forgotten. I’ll make comments on lines from the video that really stood out for me and gave me lightbulb moments.

“Stop doing shit you hate.”

Here’s an epiphany: probably half of the guys I work with hate bars and nightclubs. They may realize it. They may not realize (often they don’t). And they go anyway because they read eBooks talking about going to nightclubs, so they figure that they have to go too. It’s so plainly obvious that these guys are never going to get a high level of success until either 1) they learn to enjoy bars and clubs or 2) they STOP FUCKING GOING.

I’ve talked to a couple guys who seem to be in denial about this. I talk to some guys who are just clueless to what they want and what kind of woman they’re looking for. I’ve been saying this for 2+ years now, but the first question EVERY guy needs to be asking themselves when they get into this stuff is, “what do I want out of pick up, and what would I enjoy most?” This is not taken into consideration nearly enough.

I include myself in this as well. I had a stark realization recently: that clubs are pretty lame. OK, well I always knew clubs were lame. But I still loved pulling girls from them. But these days, these mindless drunk pulls don’t excite me as they used to. What excites me more now is an interesting girl (still hot) who I can connect with about something. Nightclubs are terrible for this. Also… going to nightclubs alone fucking blows. It’s boring. It’s stressful. And even if you get laid, it doesn’t feel like it’s worth the effort half the time. I don’t enjoy these places unless I’m with friends.

“Listening is good, caring is better. You need to care. You need to give a crap about everything. And it starts with yourself.”

I look at all of the men around the community and I see guys out for themselves. More lays. More dates. More girls. More girlfriends. It’s all about, racking up the numbers. And guys don’t actually stop and care about the women they’re talking to.

Look, the one thing that took my game from decent to ridiculously consistent was the day I decided to start giving a shit about all the people I met. Everybody has something interesting about them and it’s your job to find it. This is why women tell me that I understand them better than any guy they’ve met, when I’ve only known them for three hours. This is why women I’ve known for two hours and slept with me tell me that I’m a “treasure for every woman.”

If you’re constantly in the mode of “me, me, me,” then you’re going to get women who are in the same mode. If you actually give a crap, not only are you going to meet amazing people, but you’re going to have 10 times as much fun, get far more consistent results, and your lays are going to be immeasurably more enjoyable experiences — not just jerking off with some girl’s vagina.

But as I said in one of my Immutable Laws of Pick up: this starts with yourself. You can only care about her life as much as you care about yours. So take control and start making changes for yourself. Work for that raise you’ve been dreaming about. Join that gym and actually go. Move into that new apartment you’ve been thinking about. Fix your relationship with your parents. Call friends you haven’t talked to in ages. DO SOMETHING.

“If you love smurfs, smurf it up! Do what you love to do and people will come.”

I spoke earlier about the underestimation of lifestyle and the effect it plays. Unfortunately, I’ve been a poor example of this. In fact, being a PUA coach is possibly the worst lifestyle choice you can make to attract women (ironically). I’ll save the reasons why for another time. But there’s one guy in the Boston area, a friend of mine, who has been killing it for a few years now. I’ll let him explain in his own words.

You game best when you feel good.  So find places, activities and people that make you feel alive.

In the year after reading “The Game” I spent at lot of time going out with guys to random clubs in Providence and working on cold approaches.  While this was a good exercise for breaking out of my comfort zone and stretching myself to the limits of the art of cold conversation, I would rarely get dates.  I would look ahead to Thursday nights with dread when I knew I would have to go into clubs with loud music and make several cold approaches.

After about 9 months and little to show for it, I gave up random club game and took up dancing.  After another 3 months of lessons, I was good enough to hold my own.  But the main difference wasn’t the dancing, even though I discovered I loved it.  It was the fact that I felt good about myself, and I let this attitude infect the people around me.  And the heavens opened up and women dropped from the sky.

Most importantly, surround yourself with people who lift you up and make you feel good about being who you are.

“If you’re pumping out good shit, [women] will follow. But if you for a second, for half a second, don’t believe in what you’re doing… you need to get out now.”

Look, you can either fake it, not genuinely care, and not actually put yourself out there — you know, use other people’s stories, lines, mislead her about who you are and what you want — or you can do what you love, meet women in the places you love doing the things you love, and not have to hide anything for an instant.

I honestly think that half the reason these guys look to use the silly crap they read online all the time with women is because deep down, they genuinely HATE what they’re doing and where they are, and as a result, they don’t give a shit about the girl they’re talking to. Open yourself up, don’t be afraid to care. And if you care and don’t like a place or a girl, then walk away. This should be fucking OBVIOUS. But for some reason we’re hung up on a “lay every girl you see,” mentality. This is fucking nuts. I don’t LIKE half of the girls I see and talk to. Why would I want to try and fuck all of them?

“The only way to succeed is to be completely transparent, everything is exposed.”

Again, this comes along with my Immutable Law of Connection: you can only share what you know about yourself. And you should be willing to share EVERYTHING. The best guy I’ve ever been out with in field (super natural, non-community), once told me: “You should comfortable sharing anything about yourself to anyone, at any time, in any situation.” That piece of advice is one of the most valuable I’ve gotten in the five years I’ve been doing this.

“Everybody has time; stop watching fucking ‘Lost,’ — if you want this, if you want bling bling, if you want [lays], if you want the life: WORK. That’s how you get it. Nothing else to say.”