A little more relationship management coming your way. Got a great question on another board recently that I answered involving avoiding relationships for fear of one-itis. My answer describes my method for integrating a healthy perspective on relationships into life as a PUA.

What do you think about “one-itis” in terms of relationships? I know that this was personally a huge problem in my life, and it is one that I’m still trying to deal with it. Before all this, I used to form a huge dependency on the few woman that I dated (meaning they had a really strong control over my emotional state). I guess what I’m trying to say is that for me personally being new to the game, if I met a girl that wanted a relationship, it would be really hard to say yes because I wouldn’t want to develop that dependency or “one-itis” again.

First off, let’s define some things. One-itis, in my view, is an unhealthy emotional co-dependence on someone else. One-itis can happen within a relationship or outside of a relationship (for example, still obsessing over an ex who dumped you).

A healthy relationship involves a healthy emotional co-dependence, where both parties are aware of their boundaries and limitations, yet choose to be with one another anyway.

Too often, guys in the community mistake any emotional connection with one-itis, so they end up avoiding emotional connections completely in favor of fucking more chicks. Other times they mistake one-itis for an emotional connection, and just get back into the unhealthy relationships they were trying to escape from.

This is understandable, because almost all of us come from a place where there WASN’T a difference between an emotional connection and one-itis. A key component of PUA should be to leverage “fucking more chicks” as a method to psychologically prepare you for serious relationships when the proper time comes.

Guys should be able to pick up girls fairly easily before they choose to settle down with one. A mistake I see a lot is guys settling down with the first girl they pick up (note: this is fine if you’ve never had a girlfriend before). Often they’re starting a relationship from a position of neediness and weakness.

The other problem I see a lot is guys not being open to the possibility of a relationship. They dismiss a genuine emotional connection as “one-itis” or obsess about “continuing their skill-set”. Ideally, a guy should be OPEN to the possibility of a relationship without ever actively seeking it.

The whole process should be integrated into the PUA lifestyle as such:
1. Fuck a bunch of chicks.
2. Create a harem of FB’s.
3. Rotate girls through your harem at your discretion.
4. From time to time, one girl will come through the rotation that you prefer more than the others.
5. Eventually, one of these “primary” girls will be of such significance that you don’t care if you see the others anymore.
6. Slowly, the other girls will drop off leaving you with your one girl. Because you’re content with her, you will have not picked up any new girls.
7. You have a girlfriend.

If you aren’t capable of either steps #1 or #2, then you probably aren’t prepared to be in a serious HEALTHY relationship. The whole process requires being emotionally open to each of the girls, but also not compromising your standards in any situation. I had a few girls over the years where I thought they may be relationship material, but a month or so later, I realized I was completely wrong. As long as you’re emotionally open, it’s a natural process, and a girl you can fall in love with will come through the pipeline every year or two. In the meantime, you get laid constantly. So you should always be happy.