Humor, Relationships - Written by Entropy on Sunday, March 1, 2009 16:04 - 5 Comments

My Girlfriend is My Pimp

Been really busy the last two or three days. So other than this blog post and some emails, I’m taking the next two days off. I just had a funny story to share with you guys.

So I’ve been selling a bunch of old shit on Craigslist, basically letting go of dead-weight. The more time that goes on, the fewer possessions I really want to own. I like the idea of being able to pick up my laptop, some clothes, and some external hard drives and having anything I could ever need with me. But anyway, I digress…

I was selling shit on Craigslist, and this cute girl responded. The first time she came over, she just ended up flirting with me the entire time and took my number. I really didn’t do a whole lot — it was one of those situations where within like 30 seconds it was obvious she really wanted to get laid. Anyway, she claims she doesn’t have the money with her (yeah, right) and that she’ll have to come back another time.

Well, apparently “another time” has meant at 1:30AM Friday night and 9PM on Saturday. Yes, she called me at 1:30AM on Friday asking if she should come over and “pay me” now. Unfortunately, I was coaching both nights, and staying with my girlfriend one night, so it was a no-go.

So I tell my girlfriend about this. We laugh about it a bit, and I decide to call her on Sunday afternoon to see if she’ll pay me now. At this point, I’ve quit taking buyer’s because I’m having so much fun with this Craigslist chick stringing me along. It’s only $75, so I don’t really care.

Anyway, I call her, she flirts, gives some bullshit excuse why she can’t come drop it off at 2PM in the afternoon and says “maybe Tuesday night.” This girl is basically trying to coax me into a date with her by withholding money she owes me!

My girlfriend is sitting there while I talk to her, and a little bit of her jealousy kicks in. My girlfriend’s pretty cool with my lifestyle, but we’ve reached kind of a “don’t ask; don’t tell policy” lately when it comes to sleeping with other women (which I don’t like at all, btw, but I’m respecting her wishes).

So anyway, my girlfriend throws a minor fit and says I can’t see her. I tell her, “but she owes me $75.”

My girlfriend pauses for a minute and says…. “OK, but you have to give me the money.”

LOL!

We argue about it for a bit, and I bargain her down to taking 2/3. So if I sleep with this girl on Tuesday night, I’ll give my girlfriend (read: pimp) $50, and keep $25 for myself.

I’m bringing a whole new meaning to “manwhore.” Stay tuned!

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5 Comments

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FiReSpY
Mar 1, 2009 16:29

ROFLMAO!

Erika
Mar 1, 2009 17:32

I want to be jealous here …

but somehow find myself laughing instead :-)

If only I could publish the text conversation with the guy from last night, I could return the favor.

GoneSavage
Mar 2, 2009 0:32

Great story! I couldn’t figure out what you were selling for $75 though.

It reminded me of when I got my apartment here in Austin. The very first thing I wanted to get was a king size bed. I figure if you want a lot of passion in your bed, you need a bed that can contain as much as possible. A queen won’t do. So I call up a number on CL and as fate would have it, the seller turned out to be an extremely cute-sounding student moving away for art school. I told her my intimate intentions for the bed and thanked her for breaking it in. We had a flirtatious conversation and then I decided to go ahead and paypal her half the price of the bed to let her know that I was definitely the guy that was going to get it. While we’re online, hey what’s your myspace? Well, whatdowehavehere? Damn sexy and feminine. So I challenge her to come out to a concert that night and she does. We share a connection and a kiss. A few days pass and I can’t find anyone with a truck to transport this bed. She finally gets her dad’s truck, loads it up, and drives it down herself. As you might expect, we surrender to the moment — her last time and my first time on this magical bed. The other magical thing is this: Even after she moved, and we’ve continued to connect, never once has she asked for the rest of the money for the bed!

Gotta thank Craig and his serendipitous List for putting lovers together!

Entropy4
Mar 2, 2009 0:40

Indeed… Doc actually met his girlfriend through the CL “missed connections” section.

GoneSavage
Mar 3, 2009 5:47

Don’t tell anyone, but I’ve met a few girls through CL missed connections, both by posting my own and by following up on ones that clearly weren’t meant for me… it’s a pretty unique frame, I could tell you off list.

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