Phone and Dates, Physicality and Sex, Social Circle - Written by Entropy on Friday, July 10, 2009 13:34 - 4 Comments

Mailbag: 7/10/09

Just a quick mailbag for you guys this Friday.

First off, love the blog. It’s a great resource.

I have a question about dates that I haven’t really seen covered. Let’s say you go on a date (or a “day2″ if you’re a weirdo) and you don’t close. How does the followup go? How soon do you call/text? How soon do you try to get her out again?

Also, on your “What does it mean to be good” presentation you say that closing on 90% on dates. Is that on the first date or eventually closing 90% of girls you get on a date? The former seems really high to me….

Thanks in advance,
Xander

Yes, that’s 90+% on first dates. Unless you’re older (35 and up), I’d say you should be closing consistently at this rate. If you’re not, it means you’re not escalating quickly enough.

As for follow-up, it changes things in a couple ways. It creates more of a “relationship” frame versus a “fun hookup” frame. So she’s going to naturally want to take things more romantically, be more sensual and emotional about everything.

The biggest reason I tell guys to sleep with women on the first date is because once sex is out of the way, it gives everyone so much more leg-room as far as establishing the relationship moving forward. Expectations don’t get so built up. If a woman has sex with you, you KNOW she’s going to call back, whereas you can never be sure if you don’t.

If by chance you don’t hook up on the first date, I’ll contact her sooner than I would otherwise, as she’s not as invested in you yet. Typically I’ll always contact a woman after the first date with a text or something, and then schedule the next date after 3-5 days. If I don’t sleep with her, I may cut that down to 2-3 days.

Hey Entropy,

I just finished Man on Campus. It’s great. But I just recently transferred to a new school and will be coming in as a junior. How does this change the dynamic of my college game?

Nathan

Good question, and I can’t believe I didn’t address this in the course considering I was a transfer student in college.

When you transfer in, you have a big advantage and then a big disadvantage. The advantage is that you’re an upper classman, you have easier access to alcohol, probably have your own place, etc. So logistically you’re better off.

The disadvantage is that you don’t get the dorm experience, so you don’t have all of those insta-friends that underclassmen get when they first come in Freshman and/or sophomore year.

So I would just focus a lot more on meeting people through extra-curricular activities and classes. It may take a little more time, but considering your better logistical situation, it’ll pay off faster.

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4 Comments

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Maximus
Jul 11, 2009 8:28

“Yes, that’s 90+% on first dates. Unless you’re older (35 and up), I’d say you should be closing consistently at this rate”

Mark,
I am 37 and I was wondering if you may have suggestions for “older guys” to improve this rate, beside the obvious like improving looks, getting in shape, etc

zorgon
Jul 11, 2009 18:22

I find the “90+% on first dates” comment a little weird. I’m 27. I won’t claim to be super great, but this just seems… frankly… implausible? Unless your first date always consists of inviting the girl directly over to your place (in which case you’re passing up opportunities with girls who are too conservative to do that), then I’d think that at least 10% of the time, probably much more, you simply will *not* be able to get her back to your place (or hers). Just simple logistics: people have jobs, people get tired, etc. Or girls who have hard rules that they’ll *never* go back to a guy’s place on the first date. Or whatever. If the date location isn’t within walking distance, then I’d expect the odds to fall off rapidly. (The worst case being where you both drove a decent distance and parked your cars separately.)

Hell, at least 10% of the time I’ll probably decide that *I’m* not interested.

I’ve found this blog to be fairly honest in the past about avoiding overblown PUA hype (”any man can sleep with the woman of his dreams, even if he’s a 400-pound WoW addict living in his parents’ basement!”), so I’d love to hear elaboration on this point. Also, this has been a sticking point of mine; I’ve gotten more notches from SNLs than from actual dates. When I “date” a girl it seems like things tend to just fizzle out, even when there was obvious mutual attraction early on.

Leo
Jul 11, 2009 21:15

“Yes, that’s 90+% on first dates. Unless you’re older (35 and up)”

Mark, explain yourself, please! WTF?

Leo
Jul 11, 2009 21:18

Mark, by “closing” you mean having sex, or any kind of foreplay? I’ve never had a SNL, the closest I’ve been to that is a BJ that I get from a woman in my car after talking to her for two hours in a party. But the logistics were really poor to have sex.

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