Everyone enjoy Halloween tonight. Enjoy the slutty cops, slutty nurses, slutty cats, slutty girl scouts, slutty superheroes, and slutty whatever costumes all the women will be wearing.

A couple notes about Halloween from a sarging perspective that I’ve picked up over the years.

1. You NEED a costume. I was that asshole who refused to dress up once and it just immediately creates negative social value with most people you run into.
2. Find a really unique costume. I’m not going to sit here and spout costume ideas (because I’m horrible coming up with them), but do something nobody else would think to do.
3. Do not wear costumes that prevent kino. For instance, I saw a guy at a party once dressed up as a beer keg. It was fucking AWESOME. He even had a tap on his head and everything. The problem was he could barely move around, kept bumping into everyone and in general, was immobile.
4. If you’re in good shape, be as naked as possible. My most successful Halloween costume was when I dressed up as a baby. I went out, bought an adult diaper, a Winnie-the-Pooh bib and walked around with a bottle full of Jagermeister all night. I think I had three makeouts and a lay that night and got my ass slapped more than I can remember. But keep in mind. I’m 6′2″ 195 lbs with broad shoulders. If you’re 5′4″ and 130 pounds, you may reconsider because it will REALLY make you look like a baby. If you’re a smaller guy, go with something that lets you dress up really nice. Costumes that take advantage of suits/tuxes can work well for smaller stature guys.
5. Party selection: avoid the parties with 500 people who you don’t know. They turn into giant clusterfucks. Try to go to parties where you already know a lot of people. Bars and clubs on Halloween are typically similar on Halloween unless there’s a really special event.

Happy trick or treating…