Conversations, Humor, Personal, Relationships, Stories - Written by Entropy on Wednesday, October 8, 2008 19:51 - 1 Comment
FR: Being a Pickup Artist is a DHV?
Just a funny story from last night that I wanted to share.
The last few times we’ve gone out, my girlfriend has told me that she wants to see me pick up girls. Even the couple times where I kind of wanted to do it, I haven’t done anything. I can’t really explain it, but when I’m with my girlfriend, I’m a completely different headspace than when I’m out sarging. I couldn’t even muster up the desire or interest to go open another girl.
Last night, a new friend of my girlfriend’s came out with us and we were all getting drunk. This girl was supposed to be a threesome candidate, but I vetoed her for not being hot enough. She was cool and fun regardless. They both started getting into wanting to see me “sarge” and whatnot.
We had gone to see a concert and bounced to a divey bar afterwards. The logistics here were like the worst imaginable. About fifty people and only five girls.
Immediately my girlfriend gets opened by two drunk frat-boy type guys. I don’t bother saving her or AMOG’ing the guys. I’m an extremely unjealous person, and honestly, if a guy was capable of taking my girlfriend off me, I’d want to meet this guy, because I can’t imagine the level of game that would take.
So I’m sitting there by myself at the bar, and two girls come up next to me to order a drink. I overhear one say this: “Yeah, I like him, I guess. I don’t know. He just doesn’t do it for me. He’s too nice.” The other one replies, “That’s what you say about all of the guys. What is it exactly you want?”
Without really even thinking about it, I blurt out, “She wants him to take charge, to take control.”
They both stare at me intently, with an unspoken, “…and?”
So I go on: “You seem like an aggressive girl. You’re probably very upfront and direct with guys. You take what you want and I imagine rarely have trouble doing so. You’re never happy because these guys are too weak. They don’t challenge you. You want a guy who does what he wants with you, who won’t always defer to you. You want a guy who you’re not always sure if he’s going to call back the next day. And I bet you probably like to be batted around a bit in the sack too.”
These girls give me the deer-in-headlights stare for another couple seconds. I should note, this was NOT a contrived opener, and the cold-read was completely off-the-cuff. Over the last year, a lot of girls have asked for dating advice from me, and without fail it’s girls who are frustrated because they date nothing but pussies. I got a vibe from this girl, heard her complain and off I went.
The other thing that thing that should be noted, so you guys don’t copy this shit down word-for-word and go try it, is that it was said with complete conviction by some tipsy at a guy who obviously didn’t give two rats’ asses if these girls hung around or not. Thus, they were intrigued.
Finally, the main girl let’s out a slow, “Oh my God… How do you know that?”
Continuing to press my luck, I say half-mockingly, “Because I’m a pickup artist.”
“Have you seen the movie ‘Hitch?’”
“That’s what I do. I’m Hitch.”
“NO FUCKING WAY.”
These two chicks flip the fuck out. They run and grab their other two friends and start barraging me with questions about my job. Here’s the crazy thing I’ve noticed after coaching for a year. Guys are always freaking out about girls “finding out” about the community or whatever. Without fail, girls LOVE MY JOB. They think it’s the goddamn coolest thing since the “Take On Me” music video.
I used to make up elaborate and boring answers to the, “What do you do?” question about internet marketing and website design. But when I just answer straight, “I teach guys how to get laid and how to get girlfriends,” it’s as big of a DHV as telling them I sing in a rock band or something.
I give these girls the inside scoop. The funny thing is, all of them said they had been opened by opinion openers before. But as this is going on, the initial girl definitely has an ulterior motive. She keeps interrupting, “Wait, where can I find a guy like that?” I non-chalantly tell her, “Oh, I know plenty.” She tells me she wants to meet them and hang out with them.
There’s an interesting sub-text going on here. I was being literal when I said I know plenty of them. The guys I hang out with here in Boston are all pretty damn good with women. But there’s also an implication that *I’M* one of them. Granted, I just read this girl’s entire sexual history like a book before she even said a word to me. She was laying it on thick with the kino.
It was about this time my girlfriend came back from outside with her friend. As she described it, “It was fucking ridiculous. Five girls in the entire bar and four of them are talking to you, one of them giving you her number and telling you to call her soon.”
I tried to introduce my girlfriend, but the main girl immediately cut her off and out of the conversation. I suppose you could say she AMOG’d my girlfriend.
Again, I’ll make a point that I didn’t do anything because this was not a big deal. My girlfriend isn’t a jealous girl at all and she actually asked to see this. In the end, she and I both know I’m going home with her, so whatever happens in this set is inconsequential.
So I start saying my goodbyes, but the first girl STILL won’t let me go. She brings up when she’s going to get to meet, “a guy like that.” I tell her soon. I totally realize what she’s implying, but whatever. My girlfriend apparently does too, as she, for the first time, becomes visibly peeved. The girl asks again, “When are you going to call me?” My girlfriend hits her limit, grabs me and says, “Maybe when we break up,” and drags me out.
We go home and have sex and are laying around a little buzzed ready to pass out. My phone rings.
“Five bucks says it’s that girl from the bar.”
“No fucking way. You talked to her for like 10 minutes.”
Sure enough, it was. Was kind of painful to pass up an SNL as this girl was pretty cute, but there was never a doubt in my mind that I was passing her up for my girlfriend. The trick now is integrating my girlfriend into those sets for cold approach threesomes. Hmm…
- Being a pickup artist is a DHV.
- Cold-reading a girl’s entire sex life and being right will pretty much make her want to fuck you on the spot.
- An opener like that only works when you 100% own it and really don’t care what reaction you get.
- My girlfriend never wants to see me sarge in front of her again. Haha!
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