Attraction, Connection, PUA Theory - Written by Entropy on Wednesday, April 14, 2010 5:33 - 12 Comments

Everything You Need to Know About Pickup in Two Steps

Was coaching a student last night when he turned and asked me, “If you could sum up getting good in the quickest way, what would it be?” Having a couple Red Bull + Vodkas in me, I pulled out of my ass possibly the simplest and most elegant explanation I’ve yet come across… Here it is… getting good at pick up — in two steps and less than a page:

1. Get Over Anxieties

- Social Anxiety: Approach regularly, relax into conversations, be able to build rapport consistently and easily.
- Sexual Anxiety: Be able to physically escalate, go for closes, talk sexually and fuck well.
- The only way to get over anxieties is by CONFRONTING THEM. People will use anything and everything to rationalize ways to avoid confronting their anxieties, the chief of which is inner game.

2. Balance Comfort and Attraction

- Attraction Heavy: A lot of guys are naturally attraction-heavy. They try too hard. They focus more on entertaining, joking, and excitement than actually connecting. They’re usually great at the first 5 minutes and bad at the rest. Girls flake on them constantly, give them tons of LMR, don’t stick around and are generally distrustful. These guys tend to have more sexual anxiety than social anxiety
- Comfort Heavy: Guys who are naturally comfort-heavy end up in the friend zone. They are more focused on connecting, building rapport, talking about life, experiences and genuine topics. They usually get blown out for being too boring and not expressive enough. They’re awful at the first 5 minutes but tend to be very good if a girl already likes them. They have trouble building attraction, but once they get it, girls rarely flake or give them LMR. These guys tend to have much more social anxiety than sexual anxiety.
- Balancing comfort and attraction is calibration. Every guy must learn to balance these two sides within themselves and also for each woman they talk to.
- Calibration is built through applying pick up theory through experience.

Side note: Most “naturals” are comfort-heavy guys who have some sort of natural attraction advantage. For instance, they’re good looking, in a rock band, nightclub promoter, etc. Their natural status or looks takes care of the attraction so they don’t ever have to.

Side note: Inner game is only useful inasmuch as it makes one aware of his anxieties and how to confront them.

That’s it.

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12 Comments

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olivherbst
Apr 14, 2010 14:19

Awesome! Now we finally know, what to do. Now tell us, how to do it! ^^

No, seriously. It seems, that the only consistent factor in this game is experience. And maybe being a little bit ballsy.

DeeDee
Apr 14, 2010 14:43

What you say about why most naturals are comfort heavy makes sense to me now, cuz anytime I see someone really good with girls they usually don’t do stuff what the community claims causes “attraction”

Just curious, do you find that there are other ways of getting over that social anxiety like joining a speech club or does it not really translate over that well?

Peter
Apr 14, 2010 20:03

Balance is key in all areas of life.

That’s the most awesome simplified theory i’ve heard in ages. my mind is now less heavy! thankyou.

Karl
Apr 15, 2010 11:00

This is what I have said to the majority of the community for so long. The douche bag instructors (not you Entropy or Practical Pickup) always would tell me that naturals were not necessarily good looking or connected or talented and I would tell them – that’s crap and they would say “oh you don’t know what you are talking about”…this is why the community in general is full of bad teachers and guys who have no idea what the hell they are really doing…its such a rip off with that type of advise

You do have to attraction. For me I am short so its really hard to game taller women. For some guys, they are just not that good looking.

Comfort is really were you connect and get to know the girl. For the natural he just needs to work on comfort/rapport….for us mere mortals its more work but I am glad you broke it down the way you did…

Thanks for writing this.

Entropy
Apr 15, 2010 13:06

Karl: I will say that there are exceptions — guys who are naturally both incredible at attraction AND comfort AND naturally devoid of most anxieties… I’ve only met two, but they are both by far the best guys I’ve ever seen in field. One is short and quite ugly as well.

But yes, in general, what are considered “naturals” have some sort of attraction advantage, be it looks, or their social proof in a venue/city, or their lifestyle (owns a modeling agency, etc.).

My stance on the looks thing still hasn’t changed… you don’t need them, but they will always make things easier. Somehow that always gets misconstrued by some short guy on here (not you, but some commenter always misunderstands me).

It’s like being born poor… you have to work harder than most, but just because you’re poor isn’t an excuse to not work hard. When guys use their bad looks as an excuse to NOT go out and work, then I think that’s inexcusable.

Superman
Apr 16, 2010 22:23

Reading this, I felt like you where reading my mind.

I’m a little bit of both.

I have managed to get a manageable grasp over social anxiety, but have massive sexual anxiety. This goes in hand with me being too comfort based. This actually caused me to lose a girl I insta-dated. Although she was DTF when I bounced her, my comfort based conversation must have bored her to death and she excused her self to leave.

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Apr 17, 2010 20:03

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Karl
Apr 18, 2010 13:24

Thanks for the note back. I did not mean to slam “all instructors” (there are a lot of great instructors out there that I have worked with) but their are many out there that consistently tell us things that just do not make any sense nor can be verified.

Looks to me are like a college degree makes it easier to get certain positions over not having one – its an easier way to open the door and I understand that….you just have to work harder and I understand that fully….

Its just from my observations and experiences naturals are usually guys that usually have some kind of natural or combination of natural advantages. They usually have less social anxieties due to past success from that past success have learned how to calibrate…makes total sense to me….its like a good session guitar player. They can play technically good guitar AND can learn to work with various different artists of different genres very quickly. They are used to it and know how to navigate the waters due to past success and trial/error. I have done that before and talk about calibration…lol….

Thanks

Aaron
Apr 19, 2010 22:32

Hey Entropy could you write a post on getting over sexual anxiety? Mindsets and different frames to look at it.

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Apr 28, 2010 9:44

I came across your website, i think your blog is interesting, keep us posting.

zaklady bukmacherskie
May 10, 2010 12:53

I see a lot of interesting articles here. I have bookmarked for future referrence.

Silverfish Bug
Sep 12, 2010 15:30

Thanks for the great post.

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