Some of you guys noticed in my post earlier this week that I mentioned my girlfriend is moving to Africa this Sunday. The answer is yes; we’re breaking up. And it sucks. We’ve both known it was coming… she got this job back in January, but we decided to stick together because we both still enjoyed being together.

Well, D-Day is just two days away, and it’s rough. The slow, dull feeling of depression is starting to set in. And that feeling of a knife twisting in your chest every time you think about has begun. It’s a feeling that’s starting to become a little familiar at this point. But it doesn’t make it any easier.

Breaking up is never easy, regardless of the circumstance or who does the dumping (cue Beavis and Butthead laugh… he said “dumping.”)

But what’s hard to remember sometimes when you’re in the midst of an awful break up, especially if you’re the dumped… and ESPECIALLY if it was a first love type deal… is that it passes. Shit’s going to be OK. One day you’re going to feel great again and happy with somebody else, and probably much sooner than you imagine.

With that said, I’ve actually talked to not one, not two, but THREE different guys the last couple weeks who just got out of a rough break up and asked me for some advice about getting over it. So here it is, Entropy’s Fool-proof Break up Recovery kit.

1. Do NOT go out and Immediately try to fuck a ton of girls. My first couple post-community break ups, this is what I did. This is a band-aid solution. Rather than cleansing your emotional pain, you’re just covering up — or even worse, sometimes just causing even more with a new girl. This just isn’t a healthy way to deal with depression or post-breakup emotions. A lot of guys complain that after a bad break up, they go out and their game is really off. YEAH! Because you’re an emotional wreck. That’s why.

I give it a few weeks, or even a month or two if it’s a pretty serious break up. Just don’t date anyone. Take time to yourself. Learn to enjoy time by yourself and appreciate yourself, and (not to sound gay or nothing), FEEL your emotions and embrace them.

I see this the most in students who are recent divorcees. They struggle when I coach them and it’s just so apparent to me that they haven’t even begun to deal with their baggage from the divorce. When you’re ready to get back into the game, you’ll naturally feel it. That fire of desire will naturally ignite itself again, and you’ll ENJOY gaming. But until then, don’t rush it.

2. Exercise, exercise, exercise. Studies have shown that people who exercise process negative emotions faster and are depressed for far shorter spans of time. There’s probably something about speeding up your metabolism that works through your emotional funk quickly. The last 2-3 weeks I’ve been hitting the gym and running like a madman. It’s the perfect way to burn off a lot of angst and I always feel better afterwards.

3. Pour yourself into your work. I’ve always found that the most important thing about break ups and the negative emotions that comes with it, is channeling those negative emotions into something productive. So instead of laying in bed 11 hours a day, watching Seinfeld reruns and eating pizzas by yourself, pour yourself into your work or your hobbies. I have a naturally tendency to start working ridiculous 12-14 hour days when I get depressed. And what invariably happens is I accomplish something awesome and immediately start feeling better about myself and life in general.

And if you’ve been dumped, then this is THE most important piece. Reframe everything you do, and I mean EVERYTHING, to motivation. If I’ve been dumped, I constantly tell myself, “I’m going to make myself so fucking awesome, she’ll feel like a moron for dumping me.” And then I go out and pursue whatever I think will accomplish that. Sure, in the grand scheme of things, it’s not the healthiest belief, but right after a break up, it’s the best thing you can tell yourself.

Convert your pain and depression into fuel for your own success.

4. Hang out with friends. The only thing that will immediately make you feel better (aside from substance abuse) is going to be your friends. Take the opportunity to hang out with your friends as much as possible. And when I say, “Hang out with friends,” I don’t mean, “Go sarge with lair buddies,” I mean, sit down, and hang out with friends. Watch sports together, go golfing, grab a beer, do whatever. Get out of the house and be social. Good friends really are the best remedy and fastest way to ease that slow pain that just seems to fester in you.

I won’t be posting on the blog again until after she’s gone. Until then…