My question is about a girl I’m trying to hook up with but I haven’t really dealt with this type of girl before and Im kinda lost.  She seems pretty prudish, definitely was a tom boy when she was younger (couldn’t tell that at all by looking at her) and still kinda has that mentality about her, and is also very smart.  Its the prudishness and tomboy-ness I don’t really know how to tackle… I also get the feeling like Im over gaming much of the time, whats a sure fire way of knowing if your over gaming a girl??

There are two questions in one here, and I’ll deal with them one at a time. The first is a great one, “How do I know if I’m overgaming a girl?” and the second has to do with personality types of women.

First, we have to define what “over-gaming” means. Over-gaming is basically when you are still hitting on a girl when she already likes you and it backfires.

For instance, the classic case of overgaming happens on dates. Guys will spend a lot of time and effort building attraction when they meet a woman and over the phone. Finally, they get there and the woman shows up on a date, but instead of moving things forward by escalating or entering into deeper rapport, they continue to try and tease/neg/disqualify/whatever-your-favorite-pua-tactic-is-today.

This ends up backfiring, as the girl is ready to move things forward, but is confused that you just keep flirting with her without doing anything else.

Women respond to this in a very ambivalent way… they’ll still flirt back with you (because they DO like you), but they’ll also become a bit frustrated by the whole situation, so they’ll pull back at times as well.

This ends up confusing a lot of lesser experienced guys because all the sudden it seems like this chick that was into them is getting annoyed by them.

Some here’s a checklist to know if you’re overgaming a girl:
1. You’ve been flirting with her for a long time and she’s flirted back, showing interest.
2. You have not escalated beyond very basic touching.
3. She’s suddenly giving you mixed signals — i.e., not returning calls, flaking on you when she didn’t used to, not flirting back like she used to.

The other part of your question that’s interesting has to do with the fact that she’s a bit of a “tomboy.”

A lot of times, women who have always had a lot of male friends or hung out with a lot of guys are hard to read. They kind of act like a guy in a lot of ways, so what would be considered flirting from a typical girl is just kind of a tomboy’s way of hanging out.

I’ve found that you typically need to be more aggressive and direct with these girls, as they’re not quite as savvy to the whole flirting and escalation thing. If you really like them, you need to make a strong move and usually they’ll get nervous (as they’re not used to being in such a feminine role) and either completely melt under you, or try to divert your advancements.

One of the main areas of female psychology that the pick up community hasn’t really touched is that of “personality types” and how it fits into how you should game a girl.

Over the years, living in Boston, I’ve bumped into Vin DiCarlo and his coaches here and there. And he’s actually spent the better part of the last year dedicated to this idea of personality types.

I’ve always been a big champion of the idea that no two guys are the same, so no two guys should game the exact same way.

Well, Vin has been coming at it from another angle: that no two WOMEN are the same, and so you can’t game them all the same. He’s come up with some brand new material, released just this week, based on the personality types of various women.

Check it out here

And if you think about it, we’re constantly talking about how “this girl is this type of girl, that girl is that type of girl, etc.” but no one’s ever taken the time to hone in on the exact psychological factors that go into these psychological factors.

A shy girl is not the same as the bubbly club girl is not the same as the intellectual girl at the library, etc.

I’ll be writing up another article soon elaborating on my thoughts about this. But if you want to check out some of Vin’s material on the subject (which you should), he’s giving away a free new ebook (only requires your email), which you can check it out here:

Vin DiCarlo’s New Female Psychological Profiles

If you remember, I described four scenarios in which you can end up and how to calibrate to each one:

I have a simple process that I apply when I’m in set: Once I hook the set, I’ll throw out a very light tease to the girl and see how she responds.

- If she laughs and responds positively, it means my value is equal or slightly higher to hers and I’ll keep teasing until I stop getting a positive reaction.
- If she responds negatively and seems offended, it means I’m OVERVALUED and I stop. I will compliment her, state my interest or DLV myself (buy her a drink) to bring myself closer to her. This is to make me “attainable” in her eyes. You’ll have to do this often with shy or reserved girls.
- If she responds negatively and is cold and bored, it means I’m extremely undervalued and I need to tease her even harder. Girls who react this way, you’re not even on their radar screen yet, so you have to say something really bold and outlandish to wake them up to you.
- If she shit-tests me back in a playful way, it means she values herself slightly more than me, in which I keep teasing until I get a negative response.

Once I know where my value is relative to hers, I follow this blueprint:
- If I’m OVERVALUED, I will compliment her, state my interest in her and even DLV myself.
- If I’m UNDERVALUED, I tease and neg her harder until I get a more positive reaction or she blows me out.
- If I’m around her value, I keep teasing at the same level and being escalating.

After a while, this will all become second nature to you.

Situation 1: Responds positively, keep teasing until she stops responding positively

Me: (Arbitrary opener)
Her: Blah blah blah
Me: You don’t look like a Boston girl.
Her: Nope, born and raised in Boston. But I’m half Irish, half French.Me: How the hell does that work?
Her: Haha, I don’t know. It’s quite a mix.
Me: Does that mean you get drunk and start fights and then immediately give up?
Her: *laughing hysterically* OMG!
Me: I’m afraid to drink with you, I don’t know what will come out, your inner asshole or your inner wuss.
Her: Hahaha… neither! I’m a nice drunk.
Me: That’s cool, me too. I’m the type of drunk…. blah, blah, blah, comfort story.
(Few minutes, few teases later)
Me: Look, we obviously have communication problems, this will never work.
Her: Aww, no I was listening, the music was just too loud.
Me: I was just saying blah, blah, blah. Throw in a compliment here.

This is your classic PUA situation. The idea that you’re coming in slightly below her value, you need to tease/neg/banter to raise your value relative to hers and then you qualify her/compliment her as you move into more comfort.

Basically, I just throw teases between my comfort stories until she gets a bit defensive. This means that she’s feeling a bit self-conscious around me and is now pretty invested in the interaction and my opinion. I want to SUPPORT this by complimenting her and validating her. Keep in mind, I will bring teases back every now and again to keep things fresh, but not nearly with the same frequency.

Situation 2: She responds negatively and seems offended

Me: (Arbitrary opener)
Her: Blah blah blah
Me: You don’t look like a Boston girl.
Her: Nope, born and raised in Boston. But I’m half Irish, half French.
Me: How the hell does that work?
Her: What do you mean? (looks offended)
Me: That’s just a really unique combination. It’s cool though. Did your parents grow up in America or overseas?

In this situation, as soon as she seems offended, I take that as a cue that I’m overvalued and I need to be nice to her and even “chodey” to make myself more attainable to her. This is a girl who for whatever reason thinks she doesn’t have a shot with a guy like me, so I need to make it as easy as possible.

Also, I’d like to note that there’s a minority of girls out there who just really don’t like to be teased at all, by anyone. They’re rare, but they do exist. When you come across them, you may have to continue to build attraction but just not by teasing.

Situation 3: She acts bored or indifferent.

Me: (Arbitrary opener)
Her: Blah blah blah
Me: You don’t look like a Boston girl.
Her: No, I am.
Me: That’s cool. I’m actually from Texas originally.
Her: Oh.
Me: You seem like the serious type, like your friends have to drag you out here to make you have fun.
Her: Not really. I mean, I guess, I do work a lot.
Me: All work and no play makes Jill a dull girl.
Her: Yeah, I guess.
Me: You ever run after someone with an ax?
Her: What?!
Me: You ever try to kill someone with an ax.
Her: Haha, no. What the hell?
Me: All work and no play makes Jill a dull girl. Haven’t you seen The Shining?
Her: No, I haven’t.
Me: Jesus, you DO work too much. Get out a little.
Her: Haha… I haven’t really watched many movies lately.
Me: It’s a classic. Stanley Kubrick. Made in the 70’s. You’re missing out. What kind of movies do you typically watch? (Qualify)
Her: (Answers)
Me: That’s cool, (comfort story)

Situation 4: Positive Response, she banters back

Me: (Arbitrary opener)
Her: Blah blah blah
Me: You don’t look like a Boston girl.
Her: Fuck yeah I am. You obviously thought wrong.
Me: Well, you sure as hell act like a Boston girl.
Her: How’s that?
Me: You’re an asshole yet charming.
Her: Yeah, I get that a lot.
Me: (banter)
Her: (banter)
Me: (banter)
Her: (banter
Me: Look, this obviously isn’t working out, you know what? We’re broken up. I can’t do this anymore.
Her: Good! You sucked in bed anyway.
Me: How would you know? You were too drunk to feel what I was doing.
Her: Hahaha…
Me: You know what, I’m going to give you another chance. Tell me something about yourself.
Her: What? I don’t know. What do you want to know?
Me: I think you’re a cool girl, I want to actually get to know you.
Her: Sorry, you had your chance, we’re broken up.
Me: Yeah, yeah, but really, what are you most passionate about?
Her: (more evasion)
Me: (more direct interest)

Girls like this give newer guys the most trouble. Newer guys either can’t keep up with their wits or they get caught in the cycle of constant banter with them, which leads no where. The way to break out of this cycle with these girls is by stating direct interest repeatedly. But there are two caveats to this: 1) you have to prove that you can keep up with them banter/teasing-wise first. These types of girls don’t settle for pushovers or pussies. They want real men who will put them in their place, that’s why they cause so much trouble. And 2) she’s going to reject you at first and try to keep bantering with you. Again, you have to be unphased and continue to show interest.

These types of girls can be the most fun as well as the most frustrating. When you finally do get through to them, they can also be the most passionate and intense girls to date. They can also be a huge pain and the ass and absolutely psycho. Tread with caution.

What I do at this point, is very similar to what I do in the day game model. In the day game model, I cycle qualification and comfort stories. At night, I do the same thing, except I just add teases to the cycle.

So for instance, in day game, a conversation will go something like this:

Me: “So what do you do when you’re not shopping for groceries?” (Qualification)
Her: “I work at X and do Y. I really like it because of Z.”
Me: “That’s cool. I had a friend who used to do Y, but they didn’t like Z.” (Comfort Story)

At night, it’d go something more like this:

Me: “So what do you do when you’re not out drinking appletini’s with your girlfriends?” (Qualification with a little tease)
Her: “I work. I do Y at X.”
Me: “Wow, aren’t we Ms. Professionalism.” (Tease)
Her: “I guess. People say I take my job too seriously.”
Me: “So that’s why you come and drink.” (Tease)
Her: “Exactly!”
Me: “That’s cool. I had a friend who did Y. He didn’t like it because of Z.” (Comfort)

Then repeat the cycle with another topic.

It’s the exact same conversation, just with teasing sprinkled in (and I’d be kino’ing but more on that in Part 5).

How much you should be teasing and when you should be teasing will be covered in Part 4, Calibration.

As far as teasing goes, it’s good to learn how to improvise teases on the spot. If you have trouble, you may look into taking a comedy or impov class. A good sense of humor and solid sense of timing when telling jokes is important, not just for women but for social skills in general.

But also, once you’ve done 500-1,000 sets, you’ll notice a lot of patterns in conversation and certain topics and questions that come up pretty frequently. You can develop stock teases/jokes.

For instance, almost every set it comes up where I’m from (Texas). I live in Boston. Probably about 50% of girls ALWAYS ask me, why I moved to Boston from Texas. I always respond the same way: I look at them as if they just asked me the most retarded question ever and say, “To get the fuck out of Texas… duh.” They always laugh. ALWAYS.

Another question I get all the time when this topic comes up is, “But you don’t have a southern accent.” I say, “Yeah, because I’m civilized.”

I have probably used both of these lines at least 1,000 times at this point, and the girl laughs (thus gaining attraction) at least 95% of the time. I still use them at least once a night.

Then there are the stock “routine” teases that come from the community. I have a couple that I use over and over. Whenever a girl has trouble understanding me, or isn’t listening to me, or can’t hear me, I always say, “Look X, we have communication issues, this isn’t going to work any more,” and I lightly push her away.

Another favorite is when a girl is feisty and pretends like she’s going to fight me or says she’ll kick my ass, I say, “Look, I haven’t hit a women in almost six months, don’t break the streak.” You really need to say this with a smile on your face so she knows you’re kidding, btw.

I also pull out the, “You’re so cute when you do that, I want to adopt you as my little sister,” every now and then, depending on the girl.

Finally, once in a blue moon, I pull out Style’s “5 Questions” game, which to this day I don’t think a single girl has won. I usually only use this routine if I know the girl is into me, but I’m seriously stalling out for some reason. It rarely fails me.

So right there, I have 2-3 stock lines for common topics of conversation, I have 2-3 stock “routine” teases, and then I have whatever teases I improvise in the middle of the set. That right there is more than enough to have in your arsenal.

Typically, most girls you only have to tease 2-4 times before you have enough attraction (depends on how well you tease and their personality), other girls may require a few more.

One of the biggest problems I see in guys is they tease WAY TOO MUCH. They’ll tease and banter and tease and banter like 15 minutes into the set, and now they’ve gone from the random guy approaching to the hot guy with attitude to the dancing monkey who’s getting a little played out.

Here’s an example of a typical set where I would need to tease a few times to move on:

Me: “Hey, what’s up? I’m Mark. I wanted to come meet you.” (Direct Opener)
Her: “Hi. I’m Betty Boop.”
Me: “Cool. You don’t come across like most of the girls here. You don’t seem as superficial as most girls you meet in clubs.” (Cold Read Transition)
Her: “Hah, well thanks. I don’t usually come to places like this. It’s my friend’s birthday tonight.”
Me: “Cool. How do you know the birthday girl?” (Testing for Logistics — more in part 6)
Her: “We went to college together, we don’t get to see each other that often anymore.”
Me: “I see. Did you guys go to school around here? You don’t seem like you’re from around here. ” (Cold Read)
Her: “Yeah, we did. But I’m from Illinois. How did you know?”
Me: “You’re not an asshole. Haha.”
Her: “What about you? Where are you from?”
Me: “I’m from Texas originally.”
Her: “Texas? Why did you come up here?”
Me: “Uhh… to get the hell out of Texas!” (Tease 1)
Her: *laughs*
Me: But “I’m from Austin, it’s kind of like an oasis of free-thought and liberalism in the middle of the Bible Belt.” (comfort story)
Her: “Really? I’ve never been.”
Me: “Well, you’re missing out Betty. Get your shit together.” (Tease 2)
Her: “I’ll get right on it.”
Me: “That’s the spirit. So what do you like to do when you’re not talking to Texans in Boston bars?”
Her: “Oh, I don’t know.”
Me: “You don’t know? What do you mean you don’t know? You have to like something.”
Her: “I’m a bit of a homebody.”
Me: “So?”
Her: “So I don’t get out much.”
Me: “Yeah, but you must do something at home.”
Her: “I guess I like to read.”
Me: “Sorry, I don’t talk to girls who read. I prefer my women illiterate.” (Tease 3)
Her: *laughs*
Me: “I’m Texan, remember?” (Tease 4)
Her: *laughs*Me: “Actually, I read a lot too.”
Her: “Really?”
Me: (Comfort story about reading.)

And that would be 90% of the teasing I would need for that set. By that point, she’d be attracted, and I could just build comfort and escalate from there.

I’ll be back next time to talk about calibration, knowing when to tease and banter, and knowing when to just stick to comfort stories. Part 5 will cover escalation. And finally, Part 6 will cover figuring out logistics. Then that should cover it.

As always, ask me anything in the comments, or through email at entropy@practicalpickup.com.

Could you write about text message game sometime, Entropy? Like if a girl you’re into texts you a lot, whether its worth replying as much as she’s texting you, and when its a good idea to text or call after getting a number? I’d like to see your thoughts on it. Excellent blog, thanks for your thoughts!

- Tyler

Guys are usually disappointed when I tell them my text/phone game, as it’s painfully simple. For one, I hate phones, but also I really believe in just doing the bare minimum to get her out with you again.

First, to answer your questions: the general rule is you can reply up to as much as she’s texting you. If she’s texting you a lot, it’s always preferable for her to be texting more than you.

Secondly, I call the next day. If not, the day after. In conventional wisdom, there’s been a “three-day rule” which is complete and utter bullshit (if you haven’t heard of it, it’s the “rule” that you HAVE to wait three days to call a girl after you get her number.) I can’t tell you how many girls I’ve talked to who not only know that guys do this, but it drives them crazy. If you like her, call her. If she likes you, she’ll be wanting you to call her.

That said, most of my philosophy on phone/text game is that it’s really just to facilitate meeting up. If you gamed her well enough when you met her, almost anything you do should be fine as long as you’re direct and don’t play games. If she didn’t like you that much when she met you, she’s probably going to flake no matter what.

So, I guess here’s a crash course in how I run follow-up game:

- Text either later that day/night or the next day. Just say something cute followed with, “Nice meeting you.” This is nothing more than a ping for a response. If she responds, you know she’s interested. If she doesn’t, you know she’s probably a flake.
- If I REALLY like the girl, I’ll call her the next day. Most girls I call the day after, after I’ve texted back and forth with her some. Again, I really believe that guys lose a lot of girls to flakes because they sit around and wait to call them. You want to maintain communication with her and keep you fresh in her mind. Again, if she likes you, calling her so soon won’t matter, and if she doesn’t, it STILL won’t matter.
- Since I hate phone calls, I tend to do as much texting as possible first. If I can get her into some consistent text conversations, often I’ll just set up the date through text. If not, then I’ll call her within 48 hours.

I also schedule dates ASAP (another newbie mistake every guy makes). If I meet a girl on a Tuesday, I call on Thursday and set up a date for Saturday. If I meet a girl on Friday, I call on Sunday and set up a date for Monday. Etc.

This method — I guess you could call it the “no bullshit” method — doesn’t decrease flakes, what it does is get all the flakes out of the way as soon as possible. I used to waste way too much time texting and calling girls for 2-3 weeks and not be able to get a date with them. This way, I’m basically telling them to put up or shut up, I don’t have time to play phone tag, to play scheduling games, or to wait around and pretend I’m less interested than I am. If she doesn’t like me, I’d rather her flake ASAP to spare me the inconvenience.

If I’m going out regularly, I’ll be getting 5-10 phone numbers a week anyway, so losing half of them to flakes is no big deal.

As for flakes, I’ll try them 2-3 times and give up. Again, I see no point in trying to win over a girl who’s not interested when I can just go open another set. There are guys who will call and try for weeks or even a month or two, and yes, there are ways to revive dead numbers months later. But I never really cared enough to try.

Could you touch on how you perfected the art of teasing / cocky funny? This is something I have trouble pulling off, though I see it works really really well during night game.

Thanks man,
- TR

Teasing requires three things:

1. It’s funny.
2. It makes fun of her.
3. It’s playful.

If you’re not funny, then take a comedy class or two. If you’re not making fun of her (she’s not giving you an emotional response), try being more of a dick. If you’re not being playful, you need to lighten up and have more fun.

Teasing and bantering is a massive amount of trial and error. The best advice I can give you is to try and go overboard — i.e., be as shocking and ridiculous as possible. You’ll end up offending a lot of girls, but then you can slowly calibrate it back and find the sweet spot. 90% of guys are too nice and not playful enough with their teases. So I feel like if you overcompensate first, not only do you become aware of everything you can get away with, you’ll get a good feel for where you need to be.

Just don’t complain to me when you get a drink thrown on you.

But if you read and study these ideas — on what attracts women to men — you’ll notice one single theme, one common denominator: women are attracted to men who offer value.

Without going into all of the evolutionary and psychological reasoning behind this, take my word for it, you name something that a woman finds attractive in a man, and it’s some sort of value being offered to her.

So how do you add value to a woman’s life? It can be anything from being well-dressed, good looking and having money, to having a great sense of humor, being kind, strong and confident to teasing her and showing her experiences she’s never had before.

But here are a couple key principles to keep in mind:

• Stand out from the crowd. If you look like every other guy she sees all day, she’s not going to perceive you to be offering much that other guys aren’t. This doesn’t mean dress like a clown, but develop your sense of style and express your personality more freely.
• Develop your sense of humor. If you’re not naturally witty or funny, take some improv classes and comedy classes. Everyone can develop a sense of humor. If you are funny, start using it — but not on yourself. Nothing screams low-value like self-depreciating humor (unless you’re Woody Allen, of course).
• Be happy and positive. Positive people who are happy with their lives and situation natural magnetize other people towards them, men and women. This is especially important with women because they’re very empathic and if you’re negative and depressed, they’ll feel negative and depressed around you, not wanting to hang out with you.
• Have a lot of friends. Go out and create a large social circle. Not only are very social people generally more happy with their lives, but they demonstrate greater value to any women who may meet you. Not to mention that the more friends you have, the more women you’ll be able to meet through them.But these principles are by no means everything. In fact, they really scratch the surface. We give in-depth explanations about attraction and value at our seminars. They’ll change the way you perceive women and social dynamics, guaranteed.

1) Ignoring them is never a BAD move, but often isn’t the best move (especially if the shit test has some credibility to it).

2) Absurdify it. This is something BradP teaches. For instance, if a girl says, “You’re such a player, you probably have like five girlfriends, I don’t have time for guys like you.” Respond with, “Actually I have 17 girlfriends, so what makes you think I have time FOR YOU?” Basically what you do is, agree with their insult, then exaggerate it to ridiculous proportions.

“You say a lot of stupid stuff.”
“Well keep listening, because it just gets worse.”

3) Rub their faces in it. I’ve found this to work really well with my girlfriend and I’s FB. For whatever reason, the few hours before a threesome happens with us, our FB will shit-test me HARD. Like, she just starts throwing insults at me that are totally uncalled for. But I know I have to deal with them and remain unphased or else everything will fuck up. I’m still not completely sure why she does it (I have my theories), but I’ve learned to deal with it really well with her.

“That shirt is really stupid.”
“Yeah, I know. That’s why I like it.”
“I hate it. It’s so ugly.”
“I know. That’s why I wore it tonight, just for you.”
“No, really, you look awful.”
“I know. I like looking awful. I think I’ll wear it again tomorrow.”

If you keep doing this, it drives them fucking NUTS. If I do this 3-4 times with our FB, she’s usually fuming with frustration and sexual tension. It’s pretty awesome.

4) I’m not sure what this is called, but I think it’s an NLP/sleight-of-mouth tactic. Basically, you re-frame her insults in a positive way that completely goes against her current mood. If you do it right, she’ll start out mad at you and end up hugging you and not even know why or how it happened.

Be sure to only use this when she’s being absolutely ridiculous. If she’s seriously upset at you, this will come across as supplication and work against you. But if she’s just being really obnoxious and shit testing you hard, this pulls the rug right out from under her.

“God, you’re so annoying sometimes.”
“I know. I appreciate your patience.”
“Well, I just think you can be a jerk sometimes.”
“Yeah, but I’m glad you don’t hold it against me.”
“Uhh… but yeah, it just makes me mad a lot.”
“I’m sorry you’re mad. I’m glad you don’t let that get in the way of us. Thanks for putting up with me.”
“Umm… err…”
*Hug her*

Notice here I keep re-framing everything she says to make her sound accommodating, appreciating, and kind. She’s unable to disagree with me, because every step of the way I’m already agreeing with whatever she says. This is some sneaky shit.

5) Never be afraid to admit to a mistake. If you legitimately fucked up, say it. Never be afraid to say, “I’m sorry” if it’s warranted. Be the bigger person.

I. The Law of Rejection: He Who Gets Rejected Gets Laid
II. The Law of Lifestyle: You’re Only As Attractive As Your Lifestyle
III. The Law of Aggression: Push Every Interaction to the Limits
IV. The Law of Sub-Communication: It’s Not What You Say But WHY You Say It
V. The Law of Connection: You Can Only Share What You Know
VI. The Law of Relationships: Setting and Managing Expectations
VII. The Law of Inertia: Every Habit Requires Repetition

Think back to when you were a newbie (or maybe you ARE a newbie). When newbies first discover the community and the notion of improving their dating skills, what’s the first concept we ALL latch onto?

“What’s the best thing to say to her?”

Dozens of books are written on the subject enumerating hundreds of “pick up lines” or “openers” — not to mention the entirety of the seduction community’s routines. One company even sells a “Routine Manual” with literally hundreds of pages of pre-scripted conversation for guys to learn and then recite when they go out.

But here’s the interesting part for any guy who has gone out and tried to use these techniques: sometimes they work and sometimes they don’t. Well, that would seem obvious right? Sometimes you hit and sometimes you miss (despite what the marketing may say). But I’m not talking about some silly game or far-out palmistry routine here, I’m talking about something basic such as DHV’ing yourself or even opening with the common opinion opener — something that logically SHOULD work every time.

On this journey, one of the first “Ah ha!” moments is usually when we first realize that exactly WHAT we say isn’t the most important component in an interaction. My realization came after I had been going out regularly for a few months. I was out with a natural friend. The night had been uneventful, so we took our drunken stupor to the streets of downtown Boston. We’re walking by moving sets every few seconds when my friend spontaneously calls out to one of them.

“Hey you! Yeah you! Hey sweetheart, come here! I have to ask you something.”

The girl nervously saunters over. My friend stands waiting, teetering here and there. Universal anticipation: “What the hell is he going to ask her?”

…

“Can I pee in your butt?”

WHAAAAAA??! At the time, I was horrified. Stopping and opening a moving set outside was still a big deal to me at the time, much less asking her if I could urinate in her asshole. But what did he do? Well, he laughed obviously… but he walked up to the NEXT SET and did it AGAIN. Each time it became seemingly funnier and more ridiculous than the last.

To my amazement, after three or four times, girls started laughing with him. Next thing I know, we’re in set and talking to them. We’re opening sets with “Can I pee in your butt?” I couldn’t believe it. To hell with those opinion openers I had been practicing!

My friend ended up pulling that night (hey, I said he was a natural). To this day it’s been one of the most influential nights on my game. It crystallized in my mind that the words you say are just the tip of the iceberg: the 20% of meaning that merely broaches the surface.

Jump ahead two years. I’m coaching and working with students. I ran into a handful of guys who had a peculiar problem: despite the fact that they were honest and cool, their DHV stories didn’t work. They fell flat EVERY time. I was a bit stumped until I went out in field with them. They weren’t DHV’ing. They were bragging.

What’s the difference?

Purpose.

When you DHV properly — when you share something personal about your life and personality — you simply state fact. It’s an offering. She’s free to accept it, to be impressed, disgusted, amazed, bored. Whatever. When you brag, you’re seeking a reaction. You’re seeking rapport and even adulation.

Take negging or teasing. Some guys do it and get horrible results. Others do it and get fantastic results. What’s the difference between insulting and teasing? One’s purpose is to cut the other person down maliciously, the other is to generate playfulness and lightness of a subject that one may usually take too seriously.

When it boils down to it, ask yourself what the PURPOSE of everything you say is. Because it’s going to be one of two things: either you’re giving value or you’re taking value. You’re either seeking rapport or giving to everyone you meet unconditionally. Either you’re looking for validation in others or you have found it within yourself.

Sub-communication is an seemingly magical form of communicating that women are fluent at yet men rarely acknowledge. Sub-communication is why “No” sometimes means “Yes”. Why “I’m not going to sleep with you tonight,” means “I can’t wait to fuck you” many times and “get the fuck away from me” other times. It’s why, “You make me feel special,” can be said by five different girls and mean five completely different things. WHY is she saying this? WHY did I say what I did to her?

Too often men seek a literal interpretation of their interactions. She said X, so it HAS TO MEAN Y. No!

You must look a step deeper. Look for what motivates people’s actions and words. When a girl does something, ask yourself, “Why?” Then take that answer and ask, “Why?” Do it until the motivations within the interaction become apparent.

She talked to me all night, but abruptly followed her friend to the bathroom.
Why?
She seemed to be getting annoyed or disconcerted the last few minutes.
Why?
She acted like I had just hurt her feelings.
Why?
She probably felt like I was rejecting her in some way.
Why?
I stopped escalating and progressing.
Why?
I was afraid of losing what I already had.

Or…

I called her three times this weekend even though she never called me back.
Why?
I wanted to make sure I got ahold of her.
Why?
I really want to see her again badly.
Why?
She’s the only number I’ve gotten in weeks and I was so afraid she wouldn’t call me back.
Why?
I feel like I NEED to have this girl, ANY girl.
Why?
Mommy never hugged me enough.

Etc.

As you can see, this exercise trains you to notice the PURPOSE of what happens. As we all know, women are NOTORIOUS for saying one thing and meaning something completely different, or seemingly changing their mind on a whim. It may seem contradictory. It may seem illogical. But guess what?

WOMEN’S ACTIONS MAKE SENSE!

You just have to be privvy to the purpose and motivations behind what they say.

At the same time, constantly question what you say and WHY YOU SAY IT. You can say the greatest things in the world, but if you’re saying it because you seek validation, because you need rapport and for people to approve of you, you will be dropped quickly and often.

Be honest with yourself that matters. It’s not what you say, but WHY you say it.

It’s pretty straight forward attraction game althought condensed very tightly and done quickly (two to three techniques are crammed into one sentence at times). Almost every student I have has trouble generating attraction or creating dynamic conversation on the spot — so here’s a good recent example of mine.

(As usual, Doc and I were making fun of Saffron for being Asian near the bar; girl walks up on the other side of me to order a drink)
Me: “Don’t mind us, we’re just making fun of Asian people.”
HB: “What?”
Me: “I said, don’t mind us, we’re just being racist.”
HB: “Oh, OK.” *blank stare*
Me: “You didn’t hear me?”
HB: “No, sorry.”
Me: “It’s OK, if I repeated again, it wouldn’t be funny. So just laugh and pretend you heard me the first time.”
HB: *blank stare* “OK.”
Me: “You’re not laughing. I guess you can’t hear anything.”
HB: “No, I heard you.”
Me: “What?”
HB: *leans in* “I said I heard you.”
Me: “What?!?”
HB: *leans right next to me* “I said I heard you!”
Me: “WHAT?!?!?!?” *smiles*
HB: *finally catches on and laughs* “Hi, I’m X”
Me: “Look X. We obviously have some serious communication problems, so I’m sorry, but it’s over.” *slightly pushes her away* “It’s not you. It’s me.”
HB: *laughs* “Oh no! Don’t break my heart.”
Me: “Look. Keep my fucking T-Shirts, but I want my CD’s back.”
HB: “Fine. I’m deleting your number out of my phone.”
Me: “Good. Oh, and Dave and Cindy… they were my friends first, so don’t even TRY to hang out with them.” *push her away slightly again*
HB: *laughs; falls back into me; kino* “But things were so good. Can’t they be that way again?”
Me: “No… You had your chance, X. You never loved me for me. I was just a piece of meat to you.”
HB: *laughs*
AMOG: *comes over and hands HB a drink* “Who is this?”
Me: “Hey, I’m Entropy.” *Shake hands* “HB and I dated for about 30 seconds, but we just broke up.”
HB: “Yeah, he’s my ex now.”
AMOG: “Wow, what about me?” (Seriously guys, people worry about other guys in set — look at this, he just blew himself out. I didn’t even have to do anything.)
HB: “Oh… uhh… You’re still in the picture.”
Me: *Puts hand on AMOG’s shoulder* “Dude… I got one word for you… overrated.”
HB: “laughs; slightly shocked”
AMOG: “Oh dude, he just dissed you.”
Me: “Don’t get me wrong… she just makes up for it in… other ways.” (Framing her sexually)
HB: *Laughs* “Oohh…”
AMOG: *silent*
Me: “So how do you guys know each other?”

So it turned out that he was her boyfriend, although I’m utterly convinced I could have stolen her away if I kept at it — especially if Doc had still been around to occupy him. But either way, BF destroying’s not really my thing. I got punched in the face once for doing it, and there were 20 other girls at the bar, so why bother?

Either way, this is just an example of high-caliber attraction game — I teased her, role-played with her, framed us as a couple, then framed her sexually and AMOG’d the dude all within about two minutes of conversation. All of these things should be worked on independently and then synthesized into each set you run.