Flirting, PUA Theory - Friday, February 26, 2010 11:15 - 7 Comments

Overgaming and Female Personality Types

Reader question today:

My question is about a girl I’m trying to hook up with but I haven’t really dealt with this type of girl before and Im kinda lost.  She seems pretty prudish, definitely was a tom boy when she was younger (couldn’t tell that at all by looking at her) and still kinda has that mentality about her, and is also very smart.  Its the prudishness and tomboy-ness I don’t really know how to tackle… I also get the feeling like Im over gaming much of the time, whats a sure fire way of knowing if your over gaming a girl??

There are two questions in one here, and I’ll deal with them one at a time. The first is a great one, “How do I know if I’m overgaming a girl?” and the second has to do with personality types of women.

First, we have to define what “over-gaming” means. Over-gaming is basically when you are still hitting on a girl when she already likes you and it backfires.

For instance, the classic case of overgaming happens on dates. Guys will spend a lot of time and effort building attraction when they meet a woman and over the phone. Finally, they get there and the woman shows up on a date, but instead of moving things forward by escalating or entering into deeper rapport, they continue to try and tease/neg/disqualify/whatever-your-favorite-pua-tactic-is-today.

This ends up backfiring, as the girl is ready to move things forward, but is confused that you just keep flirting with her without doing anything else.

Women respond to this in a very ambivalent way… they’ll still flirt back with you (because they DO like you), but they’ll also become a bit frustrated by the whole situation, so they’ll pull back at times as well.

This ends up confusing a lot of lesser experienced guys because all the sudden it seems like this chick that was into them is getting annoyed by them.

Some here’s a checklist to know if you’re overgaming a girl:
1. You’ve been flirting with her for a long time and she’s flirted back, showing interest.
2. You have not escalated beyond very basic touching.
3. She’s suddenly giving you mixed signals — i.e., not returning calls, flaking on you when she didn’t used to, not flirting back like she used to.

The other part of your question that’s interesting has to do with the fact that she’s a bit of a “tomboy.”

A lot of times, women who have always had a lot of male friends or hung out with a lot of guys are hard to read. They kind of act like a guy in a lot of ways, so what would be considered flirting from a typical girl is just kind of a tomboy’s way of hanging out.

I’ve found that you typically need to be more aggressive and direct with these girls, as they’re not quite as savvy to the whole flirting and escalation thing. If you really like them, you need to make a strong move and usually they’ll get nervous (as they’re not used to being in such a feminine role) and either completely melt under you, or try to divert your advancements.

One of the main areas of female psychology that the pick up community hasn’t really touched is that of “personality types” and how it fits into how you should game a girl.

Over the years, living in Boston, I’ve bumped into Vin DiCarlo and his coaches here and there. And he’s actually spent the better part of the last year dedicated to this idea of personality types.

I’ve always been a big champion of the idea that no two guys are the same, so no two guys should game the exact same way.

Well, Vin has been coming at it from another angle: that no two WOMEN are the same, and so you can’t game them all the same. He’s come up with some brand new material, released just this week, based on the personality types of various women.

Check it out here

And if you think about it, we’re constantly talking about how “this girl is this type of girl, that girl is that type of girl, etc.” but no one’s ever taken the time to hone in on the exact psychological factors that go into these psychological factors.

A shy girl is not the same as the bubbly club girl is not the same as the intellectual girl at the library, etc.

I’ll be writing up another article soon elaborating on my thoughts about this. But if you want to check out some of Vin’s material on the subject (which you should), he’s giving away a free new ebook (only requires your email), which you can check it out here:

Vin DiCarlo’s New Female Psychological Profiles