It took me years to figure this out, but that’s not true.

Think about it. The analogies that are usually used is that picking up women is like playing piano or learning a language. If you study it enough, you’ll eventually be able to do it.

But really what is the “skill” involved in meeting and dating a lot of women?

Speaking? Moving your feet? Having sexual feelings and emotions?

These are all things that you’ve had and been able to do your whole life.

THERE’S NOTHING TO LEARN

This is one of the most important and profound realizations that I’ve ever had in all of my years of coaching: pick up is not a skill that is learned… it’s a habit that is practiced.

You already know how to speak to a girl, you just haven’t created a habit of it. You already know how to be sexual, you just haven’t made a habit of it.

Seduction is less like learning to play piano (takes years of study and work), and more like training yourself to write with your left-hand if you were born right-handed. You “know” how to do it already, it’s just that you’ve never done it before, so you’re fighting through a lifetime of bad habits.

I have more thoughts about this than I can fit into this email, so I sat down and wrote a full 30-page PDF report on this realization and how it’s effected my ability with women. You can download it for free at this link (no email required):

http://www.getgirlfriendguaranteed.com/ssdownload1/SeductionShortcut.pdf

Let me know what you think.

- Who Cares More?
- Topic Dictator
- Laugh at Herself

Check it out here if you’re interested. Yes, I’m selling shit on that page, but what I’m selling is absolutely awesome, and I give away tons of shit for free already, so suck it.

Back this weekend, hopefully with some good stories. Mark wants to fuck.

Now, I generally have two skepticisms about Phone/Text Game or any “material” for it…

1. As with most things in game… I subscribe to the idea that, “What is simplest is best,” and with phone/text game, what is simplest shouldn’t take up more than maybe 10-20 pages at most. In fact, I only spent a measly 24 pages on it in my first book.

2. The fact that most follow up game should be a reflection of your ACTUAL game, or I guess, an extension of the game you ran on her when you met her. So, again, as with most things in pick up, I don’t know if there’s a “one-size-fits-all” model to it that any guy can apply.

Well, I have to be honest, I was pleasantly surprised by the book. It’s actually pretty damn comprehensive. It covers the basics that everyone needs to know, like time-bridging, preventing flakes, building basic attraction through texts, when to call/text, etc.

But it also does a great job of explaining the CONCEPTS behind everything. And as all you guys should know by now, I’m a huge fan of explaining the principles, rather than just tossing out hundreds of pages of routines.

In particular, they do a great job of explaining the idea of “investment,” and how to follow up game really comes down to managing how invested she is in the interaction. If she has a low level of investment, then you need to raise it through gaming her more. If she has a high level of investment, then you need to arrange to meet up with her ASAP.

Most people gloss over this concept and how to recognize it, when I actually think it’s probably the SINGLE KEY to all of follow up game. In fact, I spend a lot of time talking about it in my Conversation Demolitions as well, but I don’t think I ever explained as succinctly or as well as Braddock did here.

Braddock also did a solid job of providing some example texts conversations from his own life to illustrate the points.

So anyway, it’s a good book. I think if follow up game is your one major sticking point, then it’s probably a good investment as it’s extremely thorough. If it’s not your major sticking point or you’re already getting solid results, then it’s probably not necessary, but could probably point out a few blind spots or things your missing.

Overall: Solid B+

The Ultimate Guide to Phone and Text Game

First off, love the blog. It’s a great resource.

Thanks in advance,
Xander

Yes, that’s 90+% on first dates. Unless you’re older (35 and up), I’d say you should be closing consistently at this rate. If you’re not, it means you’re not escalating quickly enough.

As for follow-up, it changes things in a couple ways. It creates more of a “relationship” frame versus a “fun hookup” frame. So she’s going to naturally want to take things more romantically, be more sensual and emotional about everything.

The biggest reason I tell guys to sleep with women on the first date is because once sex is out of the way, it gives everyone so much more leg-room as far as establishing the relationship moving forward. Expectations don’t get so built up. If a woman has sex with you, you KNOW she’s going to call back, whereas you can never be sure if you don’t.

If by chance you don’t hook up on the first date, I’ll contact her sooner than I would otherwise, as she’s not as invested in you yet. Typically I’ll always contact a woman after the first date with a text or something, and then schedule the next date after 3-5 days. If I don’t sleep with her, I may cut that down to 2-3 days.

Hey Entropy,

I just finished Man on Campus. It’s great. But I just recently transferred to a new school and will be coming in as a junior. How does this change the dynamic of my college game?

Nathan

Good question, and I can’t believe I didn’t address this in the course considering I was a transfer student in college.

When you transfer in, you have a big advantage and then a big disadvantage. The advantage is that you’re an upper classman, you have easier access to alcohol, probably have your own place, etc. So logistically you’re better off.

The disadvantage is that you don’t get the dorm experience, so you don’t have all of those insta-friends that underclassmen get when they first come in Freshman and/or sophomore year.

So I would just focus a lot more on meeting people through extra-curricular activities and classes. It may take a little more time, but considering your better logistical situation, it’ll pay off faster.

Hi Entropy,

Thanks,
Lore

Going direct on a girl in mixed sets will have one of two reactions, and it’s completely based on your non-verbals and first impression to the group. The guys will either get very defensive and engage you or they’ll back down and completely leave you alone. Unfortunately, a lot of this has to do with whether a) they want the girl or not and b) whether they think they could kick your ass if they had to or not.

I avoid the super-direct stuff for mixed sets. Mixed sets, I find engaging the guys first and then talking to the girls works the best. When you engage the girls first, the guys usually put their guard up and try to AMOG your or whatever (I hate that term). Indirect openers work well for mixed sets.

Hey Mark, I think the subjects says it all. I’ve been meeting girls that somehow hit on me and they are doable but their personallity is… how can I say it…. shallow?, not interesting, etc. Some of them are so dumb that I don’t want to interact too much with them but I’d like to fuck them, or at least try to. But How can I build comfort with somebody that I’m not really interested emotionally? Forget the moral part of the subject, please!

Unfortunately, a lot of women will fall into this category. I literally had a girl answer the question, “What’s your biggest passion in life? What do you love to do more than anything?” with, “Watch reality television.” She was serious too. To answer your question, just get her to talk about herself a lot. Even if you’re not interested, get her to go on and on about herself. Everyone’s favorite conversation topic is themselves, and the more you get her to talk about it, the more she’ll feel connected to you.

I have a question/problem about monogamy and having sex whenever and however I want. Maybe I’m looking at this the wrong way, but here’s how I see it. Whenever I’m dating more girl at a time, and one of them doesn’t want to have sex at some particular point in time, or doesn’t want to do whatever kinky thing I want right then, I’m totally fine with it. My attitude is like, “it’s not her responsibility to make me happy, my fate is in my hands, I can go fuck some other girl”, and it’s not like I’m mad at the girl at all. I still have totally positive emotions towards her.

It’s like I automatically become needy when I’m in a monogamous relationship.  Is there a way out of this trap, without simply becoming a committed polyamorist and refusing to enter a monogamous relationship?

This is a form of neediness in your relationships. For whatever reason, you’re attaching a lot of validation to how often your partner has sex with you. For whatever reason, you’re connecting “her wanting to have sex with me,” with “she loves me,” and this only becomes a big deal when you’re in a serious relationship.

I feel like in every long-term relationship there’s always one person who wants sex more than the other and this dynamic comes up a lot, where one person always feels like they have to bother the other one for sex and the other gets turned off by it. This may sound stupid, but do you still look at porn when you’re in a relationship? You may try that to relieve your excess sexual desire and not put pressure on your partner. As for not seeking the validation from her, that’s simply something you have to overcome by understanding she loves you despite whether she’s horny or not.

I’m also doing a bunch of interviews right now. One is supposed to be for a local news station, but the broad keeps flaking on me (women…).

But anyway, this week’s mailbag deals with more theoretical stuff of why you should escalate, social circle game, and limiting beliefs.

Hey Mark, I’ve been analyzing my game lately and I think that the only thing that I don’t do is pushing the interaction, your famous ABC! I get telephone numbers easily, but I think anyone can do that. I’ve made out few times and when I do it I see the girl again. I’ve never had a SNL or sex in the bathroom. Why is it so hard to see the girl again if you don’t have a physical interaction with her? What does she think that she wants to see you again? What does she think that she doesn’t want to see you again when yo don’t have a physical interaction with her? What’s going on in their minds? Why do I have to have the physical interaction ASAP? What is the problem with dating?

Thanks, Leo.

There’s nothing “Wrong” with dating or taking things slow. The more physical you get with a woman, the more invested they become in the interaction. For instance, if you talk to a woman for two hours one night and get her number she may think three days later, “Oh, he was a nice guy,” but not make any effort to see you again. But if you talk for two hours and passionately make out then she’s much more likely to remember you, be more emotionally invested in you, and backward rationalize reasons why she liked you and wants to see you again.

I recommend guys get physical as soon as possible because it increases their chances of seeing women again, decreases flakes, and gives them more flexibility in establishing expectations for the relationship.

Entropy,
I’m 20, but I feel like I’m 60. I feel like I’ve been wasting my life. Everytime I try and improve my discipline, skills, whatever, a little voice inside me goes “Damn you, John. Why didn’t you do this years ago?” I need to get over my regrets.

Thanks,
John

Yeah, you do. Dude, you’re so young, it’s ridiculous. Just remind yourself every time you think this to go ahead and do now because if you don’t, five years from now you’ll back and say, “Damnit John, why didn’t you do this when you were 20.” This way, you can prevent those thoughts from even occurring in the future.

Hey Entropy, I think you are right on with your Personalizing Pickup ideas. To follow up on the question from anonomous, for us lucky guys who have physical advantages, would you suggest different openers since we are coming in with high value as it is? Direct or indirect, maybe low-investment or compliment openers, or even low value openers like Braddock’s “I’m not sure what to say to you, but I had to meet you. I’m Braddock.”

How about with qualification? Should we avoid the large and harsher hoops like “What do you have going for you other than your looks?” and stick with small/medium hoops? Or should we assume rapport and go straight into comfort after the opener?

Thanks.
F

Yes, the more physical advantages you have, the more going direct will take care of literally all the attraction game you need. Also, much lower investment openers work really well, such as, “Hi, I’m F.” because most of the time when you approach girls figure you approach women a lot and want to be hit on by you.

As for qualifying, you don’t want to be harsh, but definitely get as deep as possible with your hoops to build more comfort. Again, the disadvantage of being good-looking is that women are going to be slower to trust you and think that you say this shit to every girl. You’re much more likely to come off as a “player” and often they have to feel like they earned your affection. This is why the more natural (passive) attraction you have, the less you need to build (active attraction).

Hey Entropy! Sad news Doc is done but I’m actually glad for him. Simple question: how do you handle getting a reputation with being with a lot of women. For a while I felt like my dick was on the black list but recently I have been cleaning up, but certainly girls have heard about me. Any ideas?

Best,
Adam

I wrote about this last year. I call it “Attraction by Osmosis.” It’s an interesting effect once you infiltrate a social circle and start sleeping with the girls in it.

What happens is they naturally become more attracted to you (this is what I called “attraction by osmosis”). But because of their increased attraction for you, they become more skeptical of you and will test your congruence a LOT. I think they also do this for social reasons because they don’t want their other friends to think they’re trying to steal their man or whatever.

But basically these girls will ACT really bitchy towards you, but if you remain unaffected and get one of them alone, usually sleeping with them is very easy.

As always, ask me anything in the comments, or through email at entropy@practicalpickup.com.

Could you write about text message game sometime, Entropy? Like if a girl you’re into texts you a lot, whether its worth replying as much as she’s texting you, and when its a good idea to text or call after getting a number? I’d like to see your thoughts on it. Excellent blog, thanks for your thoughts!

- Tyler

Guys are usually disappointed when I tell them my text/phone game, as it’s painfully simple. For one, I hate phones, but also I really believe in just doing the bare minimum to get her out with you again.

First, to answer your questions: the general rule is you can reply up to as much as she’s texting you. If she’s texting you a lot, it’s always preferable for her to be texting more than you.

Secondly, I call the next day. If not, the day after. In conventional wisdom, there’s been a “three-day rule” which is complete and utter bullshit (if you haven’t heard of it, it’s the “rule” that you HAVE to wait three days to call a girl after you get her number.) I can’t tell you how many girls I’ve talked to who not only know that guys do this, but it drives them crazy. If you like her, call her. If she likes you, she’ll be wanting you to call her.

That said, most of my philosophy on phone/text game is that it’s really just to facilitate meeting up. If you gamed her well enough when you met her, almost anything you do should be fine as long as you’re direct and don’t play games. If she didn’t like you that much when she met you, she’s probably going to flake no matter what.

So, I guess here’s a crash course in how I run follow-up game:

- Text either later that day/night or the next day. Just say something cute followed with, “Nice meeting you.” This is nothing more than a ping for a response. If she responds, you know she’s interested. If she doesn’t, you know she’s probably a flake.
- If I REALLY like the girl, I’ll call her the next day. Most girls I call the day after, after I’ve texted back and forth with her some. Again, I really believe that guys lose a lot of girls to flakes because they sit around and wait to call them. You want to maintain communication with her and keep you fresh in her mind. Again, if she likes you, calling her so soon won’t matter, and if she doesn’t, it STILL won’t matter.
- Since I hate phone calls, I tend to do as much texting as possible first. If I can get her into some consistent text conversations, often I’ll just set up the date through text. If not, then I’ll call her within 48 hours.

I also schedule dates ASAP (another newbie mistake every guy makes). If I meet a girl on a Tuesday, I call on Thursday and set up a date for Saturday. If I meet a girl on Friday, I call on Sunday and set up a date for Monday. Etc.

This method — I guess you could call it the “no bullshit” method — doesn’t decrease flakes, what it does is get all the flakes out of the way as soon as possible. I used to waste way too much time texting and calling girls for 2-3 weeks and not be able to get a date with them. This way, I’m basically telling them to put up or shut up, I don’t have time to play phone tag, to play scheduling games, or to wait around and pretend I’m less interested than I am. If she doesn’t like me, I’d rather her flake ASAP to spare me the inconvenience.

If I’m going out regularly, I’ll be getting 5-10 phone numbers a week anyway, so losing half of them to flakes is no big deal.

As for flakes, I’ll try them 2-3 times and give up. Again, I see no point in trying to win over a girl who’s not interested when I can just go open another set. There are guys who will call and try for weeks or even a month or two, and yes, there are ways to revive dead numbers months later. But I never really cared enough to try.

Could you touch on how you perfected the art of teasing / cocky funny? This is something I have trouble pulling off, though I see it works really really well during night game.

Thanks man,
- TR

Teasing requires three things:

1. It’s funny.
2. It makes fun of her.
3. It’s playful.

If you’re not funny, then take a comedy class or two. If you’re not making fun of her (she’s not giving you an emotional response), try being more of a dick. If you’re not being playful, you need to lighten up and have more fun.

Teasing and bantering is a massive amount of trial and error. The best advice I can give you is to try and go overboard — i.e., be as shocking and ridiculous as possible. You’ll end up offending a lot of girls, but then you can slowly calibrate it back and find the sweet spot. 90% of guys are too nice and not playful enough with their teases. So I feel like if you overcompensate first, not only do you become aware of everything you can get away with, you’ll get a good feel for where you need to be.

Just don’t complain to me when you get a drink thrown on you.

Another Friday, another mailbag. Lots of Doc Holliday questions to get through this week along with some pickup ones. As always, feel free to post your questions (about pick up, life, the universe and everything) in the comments or email them to me at entropy@practicalpickup.com.

I understand it’s none of my business but I don’t give a shit. What happened to Doc? I know he wanted to work on his education and go to school but is that really what happened? His blog entry seems so depressing and I was just a little upset because I related to him a lot… and he really was a true source of inspiration in some aspects to my own personal development, so to me it is important.

- Anonymous

Doc asked me not to give too much personal information about him. But from working with the guy every day for over a year and experiencing a lot of the same things he did, here are the factors that I would guess inspired him to quit and leave:

1) He realized he hated traveling, especially when we slummed it in a few cities (sleeping on couches and whatnot).
2) He wasn’t comfortable with the financial realities of this job. This may sound ridiculous for those of you who assume all of us are making six-figures and raking in the dough. But the truth is, bootcamps can be hard to sell, travel expenses rack up. Sure we could make $2,000 in one night but then we’d go three weeks without earning a dime. This wears on me sometimes and I know it wore on him even moreso.
3) He’s in love with his girlfriend and doesn’t want to sarge anymore. Enough said.
4) He didn’t envision PUA as his long-term career and didn’t necessarily want to be remembered for it in 10, 20, 30 years or whatever. This is understandable.
5) Although he enjoyed coaching, he didn’t enjoy all of the bullshit that came along with it: guru politics, community drama and gossip, etc.

He’s going back to school and wants to pursue a career in either teaching or coaching. Having PUA Instructor on your resume would still be taboo in those fields I imagine, especially if he ended up teaching like high school girls or something, lol.

All in all, I think it just wore on him and he got really burnt out. If there had only been 2-3 of these factors, maybe he’d still be here (like I am), but unfortunately not.

Hey Entropy,

What is going to happen to the content on Doc’s blog. He had some really good daygame info on there and it would be a shame for it all to become vapor in cyberspace.

I heard at one point he was going to do a daygame product. I guess that’s not happening now.

- Eric

Doc signed over all of his content to me and I have it saved on my hard drive. All of his best stuff will appear on the re-launch of this blog in a few weeks.

As for the day game product, he and I were doing that together (and actually almost finished). We have no plans to release it anymore.

Is Practical Pickup really finished? I bet this is just some marketing gimmick.

- Like Eight Random People

Yes, it’s really finished. Doc even has a day job already. And actually, if he came to me and begged to come back, I don’t know if I’d say yes… I’ve already put two months of work into new things.

So, no this isn’t a gimmick. Although it’s definitely marketing. Speaking of which, there’s only one spot left for our final bootcamp in Boston.

How do you steal your friend’s little brother’s girlfriend? I know, its a dick move, but the kid is a total jerk and she needs somebody more sophisticated, like me.

-Zeo

LOL. Well, moral ambiguity aside, I’ll give you a short answer. Build attraction like normal, isolate her and then frame her boyfriend negatively over and over.

Asshole…

How do you know when to let go after you tried to get in touch with a girl?
How would you know when to stop pursuing her?

- Rockstar Dentist

Well, the real answer is you can stop calling a girl whenever you feel like it. But I suppose that’s not very useful.

It comes down to a few things: how much you like her, and how much effort you’re willing to put into winning her over.

These days I don’t call a girl a second time. But back when I was getting good, I’d call a girl 3-4 times over two weeks trying to get her to pick up. Some girls will pick up the third or fourth time, so it’s good practice.

Also, there are a minority of women who have retarded rules like they won’t pick up a guy’s first two calls. It’s basically a way for them to screen for guys who are really into them (or just really aggressive)

I’ve gone back and read the entire “Personalizing Pickup” series. I agree with most of what you’ve said. How about a series of articles on how to overcome these sticking points?

- Anonymous

Yeah, that’s what an eBook is for.

This quote got me thinking about how first impressions aren’t talked about enough in the community. Everyone is always talking about newest opener, the best way to develop inner game, frames, routines, and all kinds of other shit that doesn’t matter if you can’t get your foot in the door and start a conversation with someone.

Most people meet members of the opposite sex through their social circle or through common interests. If a girl meets a guy at a convention for doctors a lot is assumed and this affects her first impression of the guy. She can assume that he is successful, smart, educated, etc. before even looking at him. The fact that his shirt is a size too big is easily overlooked because of all the passive value he brings to the table just for being a doctor.

But we’re trying to learn COLD approach. On a cold approach you know nothing about the girl you’re going to start a conversation with and she know nothing about you. All she has to judge you on is the first impression you give off. If you’re well dressed, well groomed, carry yourself well, and make eye contact she’s much more likely to give you the time of day than if you have bad posture, need to shave, and all your clothes are a size too big.

But lets bring this all back to day game.

Day game is the coldest of the cold approach. You literally know nothing about the girl except that she shops in whatever store you happen to meet her in. You’re also in a situation where it’s not the social norm to hit on strangers. And finally you’re opening direct. Needless to say your first impression is pretty important.

I noticed a weird phenomenon that happened with my day game sets that I never really understood until recently. Women would always think that stuff I did was bolder and more direct than it actually was. I could talk about dropping out of college and they’d tell me they wish they could just do that and do what they wanted to do with life.

Everything I said and did was framed under the first impression that I was a man who went after what I wanted. The act of me going out of my way during the day and picking them up made such a lasting impression on them that everything I did afterward was framed around that first impression.

So how do you create a good first impression?

Sinn always said ‘Anyone who’s trying to get good at pickup and doesn’t dress well is retarded.” He’s right. Fashion and grooming is the first place to start. I’m not going to write a fashion guide though. GQ and Details are both excellent men’s fashion magazines and Kinowear is a great blog all about dressing for success.

For grooming you’re going to want to go get a “good” haircut. A good haircut should cost about $40. Salons that charge much more than that usually are just charging for the experience of being there and will have more complimentary services like bathrobes, head massages, drinks, etc. Unless you’re going for the 5 o’clock shadow look you want to shave daily. You want to keep your nails short and clean. Get rid of excessive body hair, especially on visible areas like your neck. And it should go without saying but brush your teeth, apply deodorant, and shower at least once a day.

The second thing you’re going to want to fix is your nonverbal communication. This means body language, eye contact, vocal tonality, facial expressions, etc. There are a ton of good books written on all of these subjects. A good one to start with is The Definitive Book of Body Language

Finally I like to add that you should have a good handshake. It should be firm but not rough and ff your dad didn’t teach you read this article or go to a car dealership and shake all the sales guys hands. Odds are that they’ll have a good handshake.

I can guarantee that the better your first impression is the better all of your interactions with women are going to go.