Hi Entropy,

Thanks,
Lore

Going direct on a girl in mixed sets will have one of two reactions, and it’s completely based on your non-verbals and first impression to the group. The guys will either get very defensive and engage you or they’ll back down and completely leave you alone. Unfortunately, a lot of this has to do with whether a) they want the girl or not and b) whether they think they could kick your ass if they had to or not.

I avoid the super-direct stuff for mixed sets. Mixed sets, I find engaging the guys first and then talking to the girls works the best. When you engage the girls first, the guys usually put their guard up and try to AMOG your or whatever (I hate that term). Indirect openers work well for mixed sets.

Hey Mark, I think the subjects says it all. I’ve been meeting girls that somehow hit on me and they are doable but their personallity is… how can I say it…. shallow?, not interesting, etc. Some of them are so dumb that I don’t want to interact too much with them but I’d like to fuck them, or at least try to. But How can I build comfort with somebody that I’m not really interested emotionally? Forget the moral part of the subject, please!

Unfortunately, a lot of women will fall into this category. I literally had a girl answer the question, “What’s your biggest passion in life? What do you love to do more than anything?” with, “Watch reality television.” She was serious too. To answer your question, just get her to talk about herself a lot. Even if you’re not interested, get her to go on and on about herself. Everyone’s favorite conversation topic is themselves, and the more you get her to talk about it, the more she’ll feel connected to you.

I have a question/problem about monogamy and having sex whenever and however I want. Maybe I’m looking at this the wrong way, but here’s how I see it. Whenever I’m dating more girl at a time, and one of them doesn’t want to have sex at some particular point in time, or doesn’t want to do whatever kinky thing I want right then, I’m totally fine with it. My attitude is like, “it’s not her responsibility to make me happy, my fate is in my hands, I can go fuck some other girl”, and it’s not like I’m mad at the girl at all. I still have totally positive emotions towards her.

It’s like I automatically become needy when I’m in a monogamous relationship.  Is there a way out of this trap, without simply becoming a committed polyamorist and refusing to enter a monogamous relationship?

This is a form of neediness in your relationships. For whatever reason, you’re attaching a lot of validation to how often your partner has sex with you. For whatever reason, you’re connecting “her wanting to have sex with me,” with “she loves me,” and this only becomes a big deal when you’re in a serious relationship.

I feel like in every long-term relationship there’s always one person who wants sex more than the other and this dynamic comes up a lot, where one person always feels like they have to bother the other one for sex and the other gets turned off by it. This may sound stupid, but do you still look at porn when you’re in a relationship? You may try that to relieve your excess sexual desire and not put pressure on your partner. As for not seeking the validation from her, that’s simply something you have to overcome by understanding she loves you despite whether she’s horny or not.

I’m also doing a bunch of interviews right now. One is supposed to be for a local news station, but the broad keeps flaking on me (women…).

But anyway, this week’s mailbag deals with more theoretical stuff of why you should escalate, social circle game, and limiting beliefs.

Hey Mark, I’ve been analyzing my game lately and I think that the only thing that I don’t do is pushing the interaction, your famous ABC! I get telephone numbers easily, but I think anyone can do that. I’ve made out few times and when I do it I see the girl again. I’ve never had a SNL or sex in the bathroom. Why is it so hard to see the girl again if you don’t have a physical interaction with her? What does she think that she wants to see you again? What does she think that she doesn’t want to see you again when yo don’t have a physical interaction with her? What’s going on in their minds? Why do I have to have the physical interaction ASAP? What is the problem with dating?

Thanks, Leo.

There’s nothing “Wrong” with dating or taking things slow. The more physical you get with a woman, the more invested they become in the interaction. For instance, if you talk to a woman for two hours one night and get her number she may think three days later, “Oh, he was a nice guy,” but not make any effort to see you again. But if you talk for two hours and passionately make out then she’s much more likely to remember you, be more emotionally invested in you, and backward rationalize reasons why she liked you and wants to see you again.

I recommend guys get physical as soon as possible because it increases their chances of seeing women again, decreases flakes, and gives them more flexibility in establishing expectations for the relationship.

Entropy,
I’m 20, but I feel like I’m 60. I feel like I’ve been wasting my life. Everytime I try and improve my discipline, skills, whatever, a little voice inside me goes “Damn you, John. Why didn’t you do this years ago?” I need to get over my regrets.

Thanks,
John

Yeah, you do. Dude, you’re so young, it’s ridiculous. Just remind yourself every time you think this to go ahead and do now because if you don’t, five years from now you’ll back and say, “Damnit John, why didn’t you do this when you were 20.” This way, you can prevent those thoughts from even occurring in the future.

Hey Entropy, I think you are right on with your Personalizing Pickup ideas. To follow up on the question from anonomous, for us lucky guys who have physical advantages, would you suggest different openers since we are coming in with high value as it is? Direct or indirect, maybe low-investment or compliment openers, or even low value openers like Braddock’s “I’m not sure what to say to you, but I had to meet you. I’m Braddock.”

How about with qualification? Should we avoid the large and harsher hoops like “What do you have going for you other than your looks?” and stick with small/medium hoops? Or should we assume rapport and go straight into comfort after the opener?

Thanks.
F

Yes, the more physical advantages you have, the more going direct will take care of literally all the attraction game you need. Also, much lower investment openers work really well, such as, “Hi, I’m F.” because most of the time when you approach girls figure you approach women a lot and want to be hit on by you.

As for qualifying, you don’t want to be harsh, but definitely get as deep as possible with your hoops to build more comfort. Again, the disadvantage of being good-looking is that women are going to be slower to trust you and think that you say this shit to every girl. You’re much more likely to come off as a “player” and often they have to feel like they earned your affection. This is why the more natural (passive) attraction you have, the less you need to build (active attraction).

Hey Entropy! Sad news Doc is done but I’m actually glad for him. Simple question: how do you handle getting a reputation with being with a lot of women. For a while I felt like my dick was on the black list but recently I have been cleaning up, but certainly girls have heard about me. Any ideas?

Best,
Adam

I wrote about this last year. I call it “Attraction by Osmosis.” It’s an interesting effect once you infiltrate a social circle and start sleeping with the girls in it.

What happens is they naturally become more attracted to you (this is what I called “attraction by osmosis”). But because of their increased attraction for you, they become more skeptical of you and will test your congruence a LOT. I think they also do this for social reasons because they don’t want their other friends to think they’re trying to steal their man or whatever.

But basically these girls will ACT really bitchy towards you, but if you remain unaffected and get one of them alone, usually sleeping with them is very easy.

This quote got me thinking about how first impressions aren’t talked about enough in the community. Everyone is always talking about newest opener, the best way to develop inner game, frames, routines, and all kinds of other shit that doesn’t matter if you can’t get your foot in the door and start a conversation with someone.

Most people meet members of the opposite sex through their social circle or through common interests. If a girl meets a guy at a convention for doctors a lot is assumed and this affects her first impression of the guy. She can assume that he is successful, smart, educated, etc. before even looking at him. The fact that his shirt is a size too big is easily overlooked because of all the passive value he brings to the table just for being a doctor.

But we’re trying to learn COLD approach. On a cold approach you know nothing about the girl you’re going to start a conversation with and she know nothing about you. All she has to judge you on is the first impression you give off. If you’re well dressed, well groomed, carry yourself well, and make eye contact she’s much more likely to give you the time of day than if you have bad posture, need to shave, and all your clothes are a size too big.

But lets bring this all back to day game.

Day game is the coldest of the cold approach. You literally know nothing about the girl except that she shops in whatever store you happen to meet her in. You’re also in a situation where it’s not the social norm to hit on strangers. And finally you’re opening direct. Needless to say your first impression is pretty important.

I noticed a weird phenomenon that happened with my day game sets that I never really understood until recently. Women would always think that stuff I did was bolder and more direct than it actually was. I could talk about dropping out of college and they’d tell me they wish they could just do that and do what they wanted to do with life.

Everything I said and did was framed under the first impression that I was a man who went after what I wanted. The act of me going out of my way during the day and picking them up made such a lasting impression on them that everything I did afterward was framed around that first impression.

So how do you create a good first impression?

Sinn always said ‘Anyone who’s trying to get good at pickup and doesn’t dress well is retarded.” He’s right. Fashion and grooming is the first place to start. I’m not going to write a fashion guide though. GQ and Details are both excellent men’s fashion magazines and Kinowear is a great blog all about dressing for success.

For grooming you’re going to want to go get a “good” haircut. A good haircut should cost about $40. Salons that charge much more than that usually are just charging for the experience of being there and will have more complimentary services like bathrobes, head massages, drinks, etc. Unless you’re going for the 5 o’clock shadow look you want to shave daily. You want to keep your nails short and clean. Get rid of excessive body hair, especially on visible areas like your neck. And it should go without saying but brush your teeth, apply deodorant, and shower at least once a day.

The second thing you’re going to want to fix is your nonverbal communication. This means body language, eye contact, vocal tonality, facial expressions, etc. There are a ton of good books written on all of these subjects. A good one to start with is The Definitive Book of Body Language

Finally I like to add that you should have a good handshake. It should be firm but not rough and ff your dad didn’t teach you read this article or go to a car dealership and shake all the sales guys hands. Odds are that they’ll have a good handshake.

I can guarantee that the better your first impression is the better all of your interactions with women are going to go.

One of the major sticking points of guys who come into the community is that they lack basic social skills. They are simply unable to maintain a coherent conversation without being awkward.

There are also some people who are insanely driven and will open 10 sets a night, five nights a week for a year straight. They’ll try and memorize every routine and spout anything they read online to the exact word.

What always kind of baffled me was these are usually the same people. It just seemed like an overarching coincidence.

This may seem kind of obvious now, but I realized last night that the REASON these guys are able to open constantly, all day, every day is because they don’t understand social norms and therefore aren’t influenced by social norms.

The root of approach anxiety and the reason guys who already have good social skills have trouble pushing themselves is because they are too aware of the social norms and they’re aware that they have to break the social norms. Guys who lack social skills aren’t even aware of the social norms, therefore pushing themselves to approach 100 sets a week doesn’t even occur to them as difficult.

…and gosh darnit, people like me…