I’ve had two scenarios that rival this one:

- One time a girl broke into my apartment by ripping off the screen to my window and crawling through. She then waited for me for hours to come home because I hadn’t returned her calls in two days. I had only been seeing her for about a month. Somehow, I ended up seeing her for another year. She was bonafide nuts, but all in all, her nutso behavior was usually good towards me after that. She was great in the sack, spoiled me rotten and let me sleep with other women. Shrug.

- Another time I was supposed to go ice-skating with another girl on a Sunday. She called me at 8AM excited and ready to go. She said she wanted to leave then so we could spend the whole day together. I had been up until 3AM partying the night before, and told her I felt like shit and that I’d call her when I woke up, hung up and went back to sleep without thinking much of it. When I woke up at about noon, I had three voicemails and two MySpace messages from her alternating between violently screaming at me for standing her up, and apologizing and telling me she loved me. I never called her again. She sent another half dozen MySpace messages over the next three days, again, alternating between angry hysterics and heartfelt apologies. The ice-skating date was supposed to be our third date. Looking back, I think she was probably bipolar.

Every guy has a “girl with the crazies” story. What are some of your worst ones?

(Thanks Clarence for the correction.)

I recently stumbled upon something really interesting called, “The Coolidge Effect.” Tyler actually mentions it briefly in his Blueprint Decoded product (why I’m watching that, I’ll explain later). Anyway, the Coolidge Effect is basically that “a phenomenon – seen in nearly every species in which it has been tested – whereby males show continuously high sexual performance given the introduction of new receptive females.”

I don’t think I have to delve into my tome of sexual history to admit that I believe this is true for humans as well. But here’s the kicker. Taken from the Wikipedia article:

The term comes from an old joke, according to which President Calvin Coolidge and his wife allegedly visited a poultry farm. During the tour, Mrs. Coolidge inquired of the farmer how his farm managed to produce so many fertile eggs with such a small number of roosters. The farmer proudly explained that his roosters performed their duty dozens of times each day.

“Perhaps you could point that out to Mr. Coolidge,” pointedly replied the First Lady.

The President, overhearing the remark, asked the farmer, “Does each rooster service the same hen each time?”

“No,” replied the farmer, “there are many hens for each rooster.”

“Perhaps you could point that out to Mrs. Coolidge,” replied the President.

How fucking awesome is that? To go on even a further tangent, I remember reading a story about Calvin Coolidge. He was notorious for being both quiet and having a quick wit. One night at a White House dinner, a woman was asking Mrs. Coolidge why the President never spoke. They went back and forth and the woman said, “I bet you $100 that I can get him to say at least three words tonight.” The Firsty Lady agreed. The woman turned to the President and said, “What do you have to say about that Mr. President.” He looked at her and said, “You lose.”

OK, enough about Coolidge being a baller. I need a nap. If you haven’t checked the site in a few days, there’s a 50% off sale going on for my book Practical Pickup: The Fundamentals. It comes with four exclusive bonuses that won’t be available again. The sale will end tomorrow night at midnight.

Hi Entropy,

Thanks,
Lore

Going direct on a girl in mixed sets will have one of two reactions, and it’s completely based on your non-verbals and first impression to the group. The guys will either get very defensive and engage you or they’ll back down and completely leave you alone. Unfortunately, a lot of this has to do with whether a) they want the girl or not and b) whether they think they could kick your ass if they had to or not.

I avoid the super-direct stuff for mixed sets. Mixed sets, I find engaging the guys first and then talking to the girls works the best. When you engage the girls first, the guys usually put their guard up and try to AMOG your or whatever (I hate that term). Indirect openers work well for mixed sets.

Hey Mark, I think the subjects says it all. I’ve been meeting girls that somehow hit on me and they are doable but their personallity is… how can I say it…. shallow?, not interesting, etc. Some of them are so dumb that I don’t want to interact too much with them but I’d like to fuck them, or at least try to. But How can I build comfort with somebody that I’m not really interested emotionally? Forget the moral part of the subject, please!

Unfortunately, a lot of women will fall into this category. I literally had a girl answer the question, “What’s your biggest passion in life? What do you love to do more than anything?” with, “Watch reality television.” She was serious too. To answer your question, just get her to talk about herself a lot. Even if you’re not interested, get her to go on and on about herself. Everyone’s favorite conversation topic is themselves, and the more you get her to talk about it, the more she’ll feel connected to you.

I have a question/problem about monogamy and having sex whenever and however I want. Maybe I’m looking at this the wrong way, but here’s how I see it. Whenever I’m dating more girl at a time, and one of them doesn’t want to have sex at some particular point in time, or doesn’t want to do whatever kinky thing I want right then, I’m totally fine with it. My attitude is like, “it’s not her responsibility to make me happy, my fate is in my hands, I can go fuck some other girl”, and it’s not like I’m mad at the girl at all. I still have totally positive emotions towards her.

It’s like I automatically become needy when I’m in a monogamous relationship.  Is there a way out of this trap, without simply becoming a committed polyamorist and refusing to enter a monogamous relationship?

This is a form of neediness in your relationships. For whatever reason, you’re attaching a lot of validation to how often your partner has sex with you. For whatever reason, you’re connecting “her wanting to have sex with me,” with “she loves me,” and this only becomes a big deal when you’re in a serious relationship.

I feel like in every long-term relationship there’s always one person who wants sex more than the other and this dynamic comes up a lot, where one person always feels like they have to bother the other one for sex and the other gets turned off by it. This may sound stupid, but do you still look at porn when you’re in a relationship? You may try that to relieve your excess sexual desire and not put pressure on your partner. As for not seeking the validation from her, that’s simply something you have to overcome by understanding she loves you despite whether she’s horny or not.

The math on the Paul McCartney-Heather Mills divorce is as follows:

After 5 years of marriage, he paid her $49 million. Assuming he got sex every night during their 5 year relationship (which would NOT have happened!) it ended up costing him $26,849 per go.

On the other hand, Elliot Spitzer’s call girl, Kristen, an absolute stunner with a body like no other, charges $4,000 an hour.
For anything!

Had Paul McCartney ‘rented’ Kristen for 5 years, he would’ve paid $7.3 million for an hour of sex every night for 5 years  (a saving of $41.7 million) .

Value-added benefits are: a 22 year old hot babe, no begging, no coaxing, never a headache, ability to put BOTH legs around you, no bitching or complaining. Best of all, she leaves when you ask, and comes back when you ask. All at 1/7th the cost, with no legal fees.

Sometimes renting makes far more sense.

John Henry:

Dear Linda,
A man needs a muse. Well, he doesn’t really. He doesn’t need nearly as much as he generally thinks he does. A man is greedy. Greedy for what he doesn’t think he has and what he thinks he wants. We probably wouldn’t have wandered far beyond the basic necessities without that pushing us. Progress is one of its most important byproducts.

So you will ask, “Why are you writing this?” Because a brief encounter-and-a-half with you gave a cool spin to this little blue planet from my vantage point.

We feted the Celtics tonight and the skies opened. The sun emerged and created a giant rainbow between the city and the park. We were transfixed. You only saw it if you were in the right place. I was in the right place when I noticed you.

I barely know you. I don’t have any illusions about capturing your heart. But the world is brighter, better, lighter and warmer when a man imbues a woman he knows — even tabula rasa — with the attributes that I believe reside in you. It’s the small things that ultimately matter, the subtle things.

I am honest. I don’t play games. And I see no reason not to say that I’ve been smitten by you and you’ve done me a great service.
You’ve very innocently made my world brighter, better, lighter and warmer.

So thanks.

No response is necessary because a man doesn’t need nearly as much as he thinks he does.

Wow… Well, if anything, he’s definitely poetic and a good writer. But did this work? She does end up with him. Here’s her response:

A man may not need as much as he thinks he does, but courage and honesty should be acknowledged. I am not so naive as to believe I actually possess the qualities you attribute to me. But thank you.

Before we jump into this, there are a few things to keep in mind: 1) They’re older, 59 and 30, 2) They’re both probably looking for long-term relationships, 3) They’re both obviously very educated and have had serious relationships (or marriages) in the past.

So let’s look at this in terms of the Seven Immutable Laws of Pickup because as you guys know, the only “model” that I subscribe to is whether a certain guy is offering value to a certain girl — negs, bantering, teasing, etc., etc., is incidental.

1. Rejection – He’s obviously completely resigned and immune to her rejection. An email like this out of the blew says, “I’m putting myself out there” more than almost anything you could do.
2. Lifestyle – Billionaire. Owns the Red Sox. Check.
3. Aggression – Again, he’s sending this email out of the blue stating his interest in her. He’s pushing the issue, he’s not sitting idly and hoping she becomes interested in him.
4. Sub-Communication – This is huge because sub-communication is always determining where the attraction comes from. What does Henry’s letter sub-communicate to her? He’s poetic, that sub-communicates a depth of emotion and passion. Very attractive. He’s intelligent and well-spoken (who says “tabula rasa?”). He states his interest intently, and THEN — and this is the most important part of the letter — he says, “no response is necessary because a man doesn’t need nearly as much as he think he does.” A bit over the top, but this just bleeds of genuinity and sincerity. There’s no pressure on her. He’s shared his emotions beautifully and intelligently and she has no pressure to respond or return it. Not only that, but his interest was light. He didn’t say, “OMG, I LOVE YOU,” or that she’s the love of his life. He simply says, “you make things lighter, warmer,” etc.
5. Connection – he’s sharing his emotions wonderfully. Apparently she resonates with them, although she’s a bit coy. What’s interesting is her humility which indicates a lot of flattery.
6. Relationships – He’s indicating that he’s interested in an emotional connection and commitment. She can take it or leave it.
7. Inertia – Doesn’t apply to a single situation.

So assuming the following things, he’s hitting it on all cylinders: she’s interested in an emotional connection and commitment, she’s intelligent and romantic, she’s not turned off by an older man worth billions of dollars, this is going to hit her in exactly the right ways. I realize this goes against a lot of classic PUA community dogma, but if you haven’t figured it out yet by reading this blog, a lot of PUA community dogma is plain wrong.

Kudos, Mr. Henry and congratulations.

Mark,

Love the new layout of the site, sick…it looks very professional. This is kind of a two part question. Again, if you don’t have time to read/respond to this email, don’t sweat it.

What are some qualities or traits that a GF looks for in her BF?
And in your opinion, how much does great sex (assuming that is a quality she looks for in her man) account for the GF’s attractiveness to her BF, accounting for the other qualities that the GF feels attraction for said BF? I’m imagining a pie chart with all the qualities broken up and what chunk of that pie chart is great sex.

Not sure if it matters, but said GF is experienced when it comes to sex.

Thanks.
Hani

Well, the honest answer is: it depends. Just like different guys prefer different girls for girlfriends, different girls look for different traits in guys for boyfriends. For instance, a shallow, coke-blowing club whore will be more interested in how many muscles a guy has. A Ph.D student in Theology is going to be more concerned about your morals, intellect and spirituality.

That relationship drive really comes down to compatible personality and emotionall connection more than anything else.

As for sex, yes, sex plays a very important role in a relationship. On a pie chart? Again, it’ll differ from woman to woman, but I’d say sex makes up a sizeable portion (maybe 1/4 or even 1/3). I call sex, “The State of the Union” of the relationship, because it’s when youre intimacy comes together and expresses itself. So if you’re physically not able to express that intimacy with her, frustration will ensue.

As to the experience question, the more experienced a girl is (i.e., the better in bed other guys have been), the less patience and tolerance she’ll have for poor sex. If she’s inexperienced, she’ll have a much higher tolerance.

I recently met this girl who’s amazing. Hotter than any other girl I’ve been with. How do I make her my girlfriend?

- Don

I personally believe in slowing down the commitment process as much as possible. If you want a girlfriend, that’s great, but don’t rush into things. There are a few reasons for this:

1) It’s easy to get swept up in the “honeymoon” period when you first meet someone. Basically, the first 3-6 months you’re with someone, you get overwhelmed by hormones and passion and can often make stupid decisions.
2) I think it’s important to continue to date other women even if you really like one at first, it maintains an abundance mentality when you make your decision to commit.
3) Most guys underestimate the time/effort that comes with a full-time commitment and girlfriend. They’re often being needy as well.

With that said, I think it’s important to let her be the one to push for commitment. In most relationships that start out, one person wants to be with the other one more than the other. When this is the guy, women get turned off extremely easily, as you can come off as needy, or pushy. In my experience, when it’s the other way around, that’s when relationships make it out of that first year or so and equalize and become long-term and successful.

So I guess the short answer to “how do I make her my girlfriend,” is DON’T. Let it happen naturally, and let her push for it. My long answer and philosophy about going about getting a girlfriend can be read here: PUA’s Avoiding Relationships.

Hey Entropy,

I have a question that is less related to game and more to relationships. I just got out of a relationship that I was pretty invested in. The girl I was dating had a lot of things in her past to deal with and ended up deciding she needed to deal with them on her own. It was a shock because things were going great and she was frequently stating how much she liked me and making future plans. I followed the advice of Savoy from his relationship management DVDs so I think I did everything I could to keep the relationship fresh and exciting but I think in this case nothing could have prevented this.

Anyway, my question is do you have any recommendations for how to get over a break-up? Overall I feel pretty okay with it all but sometimes I feel like crap. Right now I don’t have much interest to go approach girls but I forced myself to do so anyway this weekend. Thanks a lot!

-Sal

Yes, use the emotions you feel as fuel to better yourself. Every time I get out of a break up and feel really down and depressed I harness those emotions to better myself, whether it be by working out a bunch, working on my business 16 hours a day or going out and trying new things. I frame it in my mind as,”Well, I’m going to become such a bad ass, she’ll regret doing this.” While I’m not ACTUALLY trying to get her back, it feels good to feel like you’re going to make her regret it.

If your hearts not that in approaching, I don’t know if I’d force it yet. Honestly, the best thing I found for break ups is exercise. Studies have actually shown that doing cardio speeds up emotional processing — for instance, if you feel depressed or guilty about something, running or biking will make you get over it faster than not. After a few weeks, you should start getting that “fire” again to go out and jump on every cute girl that walks by. So I wouldn’t worry about that too much. Focus on yourself for a few weeks, then focus on hitting on other girls.

I totally agree with you that being physically imposing can be a big drawback once it comes to kino’ing. Being 6′, 220 lbs. at only 5% bodyfat, I get lots of looks and compliments from girls, and well honestly, gay guys and bisexuals too, on how I dress or how I look, but I have trouble escalating on sets that I open myself (as opposed to the ones who come to me) for the reasons you described. Do you have any tips on how to escalate as someone whose advantages are always getting in his way?

- Anonymous

OK, everyone all together now, “Aww, you’re too good looking, YOU POOR MOTHERFUCKER!”

There, now that we got that out of the way. The answer to your question is easy, based on the rules of passive/active attraction (which I lay out in the “Personalizing Pickup” series).

You’re overvalued. You’re trying to build attraction and get sexual when your look is already attractive and sexual. Therefore you come across as if you’re compensating for something.

What I recommend is to run 90% comfort game. Compliment girls more. Tell them you find them sexy. They’re assuming that you hook up with girls constantly, so they need to feel special or unique before they fuck you (or at least most of them will).

Hey Entropy,

I’m having a problem attracting women that I don’t find attractive. I’m in my late 30’s, pretty good-looking for my age and very successful. The women I attract tend to also be in their thirty’s and honestly, they’ve kind of let themselves go. What should I do?

- Jason

Date younger women. If you don’t want a committed relationship and want women who are in great shape, why the hell are you dating women in their 30’s? My guess is you have some sort of limiting belief concerning your age. I have a friend who is 49 and dates women in their mid to late 20’s. It should be no problem for you if what you say is true.

Time to ditch the hotel bars and hit the night clubs.

Is 5 supposed to represent the median girl, or the average one? Because the ugliest girls are far ugly than the hottest ones are hot. So that would mean the median girl must be significantly hotter than the average.

- Aaron

This is what I never understood about the 1-10 scale. For the vast majority it breaks down like this: 10 = ungodly hot, 9 = really hot, 8 = I’d do her, 7 = I’d do her, but I wouldn’t be proud, 6 = only if I’m really drunk and desparate, 5 and below = ugly with varying degrees.

This never made sense to me. This is another reason I recommend guys raising their standards, to have 2/3 of the scale dedicated to girls you’re not interested in seems silly. What ends up happening is you get guys debating with themselves whether she’s an 8.5 or an 8.75.

Here’s my scale:
10 = doesn’t exist except for on magazine covers and in Photoshop.
9 = A model.
8 = Super hot, the hottest girl in a nice club on any given Friday night.
7 = Hot, hottest girl in a regular bar on any given Friday night.
6 = Attractive, but not going to cause any car accidents just by walking down the street. You’ll see maybe a dozen of these on any given Friday night out.
5 = Cute, but nothing you’d be too proud of.
4 = Have to be really drunk.
3 = Ugly-but-has-potential
2 = Ugly-but-no-potential
1 = Vomit-inducing

And a side-note for all the self-righteous “You shouldn’t rate girls” assholes. I don’t care if you have a binary scale, a 1-4 scale, or a 1-52 scale, it’s all arbitrary. Answer the following question: are some women more physically attractive than others? YES! Then whether we distinguish that with a 10-point scale or a 2-point scale is completely arbitrary and not even worth arguing.

And no, just because we rate women’s attractiveness (something that every man on the planet has been doing since adolescence) doesn’t mean we’re “de-valuing” her in some way. My girlfriend is a 6.5 on my scale (8.5 on most guys’ scales) but that doesn’t mean I treat her as a 6.5. Some of the hottest girls I’ve ever gotten with were shitty people. Were they still 9’s? Hell yeah, they were.

OK, end rant.

Hey Entropy,

Can you escalate too quickly if your goal is an LTR?

- Skulder

Great question! I teach in my relationship management seminars that you ideally want to have sex with a woman AS SOON AS POSSIBLE because it gives you the widest available options as far as where to take the relationship. So you would assume the answer is “no.”

Well, surprisingly, the answer is “yes,” but to escalate too quickly you have to escalate at lightning fucking speed.

If I had to estimate, having sex with a girl in under an hour of meeting her will nix you from her “long-term” potential. Anything under 30 minutes, no question. I don’t know what it is, but when you hook up with a girl exceedingly fast, it’s like she almost doesn’t even feel like you’re real. I noticed this last year when I was getting a bunch of 30-second make-outs, the kissing would end and then there’d just be this awkward moment where the girl felt like she was in a dream or something and we had nothing to say to each other. It’s the same for fast bathroom pulls… afterward is just a horribly awkward experience.

I suppose theoretically it’s possible, but in general, the slower you escalate, the more you sub-communicate LTR expectations, the faster you escalate the less you do. In my experience, the cut off would be around an 30-60 minutes.

So I’ve been selling a bunch of old shit on Craigslist, basically letting go of dead-weight. The more time that goes on, the fewer possessions I really want to own. I like the idea of being able to pick up my laptop, some clothes, and some external hard drives and having anything I could ever need with me. But anyway, I digress…

I was selling shit on Craigslist, and this cute girl responded. The first time she came over, she just ended up flirting with me the entire time and took my number. I really didn’t do a whole lot — it was one of those situations where within like 30 seconds it was obvious she really wanted to get laid. Anyway, she claims she doesn’t have the money with her (yeah, right) and that she’ll have to come back another time.

Well, apparently “another time” has meant at 1:30AM Friday night and 9PM on Saturday. Yes, she called me at 1:30AM on Friday asking if she should come over and “pay me” now. Unfortunately, I was coaching both nights, and staying with my girlfriend one night, so it was a no-go.

So I tell my girlfriend about this. We laugh about it a bit, and I decide to call her on Sunday afternoon to see if she’ll pay me now. At this point, I’ve quit taking buyer’s because I’m having so much fun with this Craigslist chick stringing me along. It’s only $75, so I don’t really care.

Anyway, I call her, she flirts, gives some bullshit excuse why she can’t come drop it off at 2PM in the afternoon and says “maybe Tuesday night.” This girl is basically trying to coax me into a date with her by withholding money she owes me!

My girlfriend is sitting there while I talk to her, and a little bit of her jealousy kicks in. My girlfriend’s pretty cool with my lifestyle, but we’ve reached kind of a “don’t ask; don’t tell policy” lately when it comes to sleeping with other women (which I don’t like at all, btw, but I’m respecting her wishes).

So anyway, my girlfriend throws a minor fit and says I can’t see her. I tell her, “but she owes me $75.”

My girlfriend pauses for a minute and says…. “OK, but you have to give me the money.”

LOL!

We argue about it for a bit, and I bargain her down to taking 2/3. So if I sleep with this girl on Tuesday night, I’ll give my girlfriend (read: pimp) $50, and keep $25 for myself.

I’m bringing a whole new meaning to “manwhore.” Stay tuned!

Police arrested and handcuffed 22-year-old Meagan McCormic Friday morning, after she reported her child missing at Christmas time, even though the baby never existed to begin with.

Miami police said McCormic had a miscarriage when she was three months pregnant. However, investigators said she pretended to carry the baby to full term in order to keep her boyfriend from breaking up with her.

Source: http://www4.wsvn.com/news/articles/local/MI107634/