“There is plenty of help for newbie. Where I see a lack of help is in the middle. If you can open, get numbers and even follow up, but you just aren’t able to get past that final hump and be successful with girls, where do you turn? The only advice I have seen is go open more sets, learn to calibrate and yet that is no magic bullet for a lot of guys. The other thing I hear is ‘hire a coach.’ But most of us don’t have that kind of money, or we’re not sure it’d be worth it.”

There are a couple reasons for this. First of all, it takes far longer for an intermediate guy to become advanced (1-2 years, if not more) than for a beginner to become intermediate (6 months or so). So because the transition is far longer, it’s much easier to get frustrated at a lack of development.

But another part of the problem is WHAT intermediate guys’ sticking points are. Beginners need to focus on the fundamentals, opening, good conversation, escalating, etc. This stuff is VERY easy to teach, and is very clear-cut, easy to measure, so it’s quite easy to learn for anyone who puts in the effort.

Intermediate guys almost ALWAYS fall into one of two categories of sticking points: lack of calibration/lack of experience or inner game issues.

Intermediate guys are basically guys who have the basic skills down, but they still don’t feel like they control their results, or get consistent results. This is either because they’re uncalibrated — i.e., they don’t know precisely when to use each skill or how much to use — or they have some sort of belief system that’s sabotaging them somehow or deep-seated emotional issue that’s preventing them from attaining their goals.

Unfortunately, the ways to fix these sticking points aren’t really anything you can find in any single forum post (unlike something like body language or fashion). Resolving these sticking points is often complicated and unique to each specific guy and his situation.

In the case of calibration, the solution is exactly what you complain about here: go out and do more sets and be mindful of what you’re doing and what works.

If that’s not working, then you have a blindspot within your beliefs and/or some sort of inner game issues going on. Generally, every time I meet a guy who is “decent” but is seeing no improvement over a long period of time despite going out consistently, 99% of the time it’s because of some sort of inner game blind spot.

Coaches can’t really help with the calibration issue other than to speed it up a little bit — and that’s assuming you do a one on one. It’s impossible to get that much personal attention on a bootcamp with 3-6 students. Whether accelerating your calibration ability for the $1250 or $2000 price tag or whatever is worth it to you is your decision. For some guys, shaving a year off their learning curve can be worth it. Others would rather go it alone.

Click here for information about coaching…

As for inner game issues, a coach CAN point those out to you, point out bad habits, point out faulty belief systems. The problem here actually tends to be YOU, not the coach. Guys with inner game sticking points, by their very nature, tend to be horrible at accepting advice and criticism. And I can tell you from vast personal experience, this can be one of the most frustrating situations imaginable. When a guy is paying you to tell him things about himself that he refuses to listen to… typically both of you coming out bitter about it and no one improves.

These days, I’m very wary of doing more than 1-2 phone consultations with someone with inner game issues. If they haven’t improved after that, I tell them to see a therapist and to take some time to themselves, as working with them further is like bashing my head against a wall.

But I hate to break it to you, but the truth is that there’s no *easy* way around any of this for the intermediate guy. If you go out a lot on your own, unless you’re very diligent, self-aware and perhaps naturally talented with people, progress will be slow and arduous.

A coach is no guarantee, and at the end of the day, they’re only going to accelerate your progress, not do it for you over night. Coaching newbies, you can often get magical “overnight” transformations. But for more intermediate guys, it’s more complicated. The most I can often do is point them in the right direction and give them proper encouragement. I often tell students that I can draw them a perfect map, and walk a while with them, but I can’t travel their entire journey.

There is ONE more thing that I’d offer to the struggling to the intermediate guy. I realize that most intermediate guys, having been active for 1-2 years, are familiar and adept at just about all of the theory out there.

Well, what helped me immensely coming up was actually reading the personal experiences and transformations of those better than me. When you see how other people overcome obstacles and barriers, it gives you new perspectives on how to overcome your own. On top of that, reading or hearing about other people’s sticking points can also give you insight into your own sticking points that you’re unaware of.

The author followed up with another post and lamented the following:
“It’s just unfortunate more of these advanced guys aren’t around to hand out free advice. Sometimes I don’t understand the unwillingness to help without a cash exchange.”

I can understand the frustration, but there’s an economical principle going on here. A lot of coaches offer TONS of free advice (just look at this blog), but we can’t personalize advice for EVERYONE, especially intermediate guys who have more unique and personal sticking points.

And that’s the unfortunate truth… Look, I’ll be honest, it takes about five times more effort to coach an intermediate guy than it does to coach a newbie. And at the end of the day, whereas it’s pretty easy for me to drop some free advice here and there for a new guy — it may take 5 minutes of my time and effort — handling some in-depth sticking point from a more experienced guy is something that requires enough time and effort from me that I won’t do it for free.

You combine that with the scarcity of able coaches (hell, half of the one’s that are paid don’t know what they’re doing), and you basically have a lack of any advice coming from the top which you speak about. Unfortunately, that’s just the way it is.

So I guess this is just an insanely long post to say that there’s no easy solution for intermediate guys. But that comes with the territory. The difference between an advanced guy and an intermediate guy is that the advanced guy’s game suits his personality. It’s unique to him.

Once you reach a certain point in this game, there’s no clear-cut, single “right way” to be extraordinarily good. So no matter what — whether you pay a coach or not — the majority of the responsibility and effort is going to fall back to you to achieve those goals.

That why the absolute best advice a guy in your situation can get, is the kind of advice that only happens face-to-face. You’re past the point of emulating somebody else or trying to fit yourself into someone else’s shoes. It’s time for someone to come take a look at you and help you to fit into your own shoes.

Click here for information on coaching…

So here’s the run-down:

In The Beginning:
When: Late 2005
Situation: Had just read “The Game”. Could barely even fathom approaching hot girls, much less envision myself actually doing it. Had just gotten dumped by the love of my life, still dealing with some baggage and depression. Hadn’t had sex in almost a year.
Natural Strengths: Tall and decent-looking. Could hold a good conversation. Good sense of humor. Had some friends. If I got drunk enough, I wasn’t afraid to try and make out with a girl.
Natural Weaknesses: Scared to death of approaching. Had serious commitment/self-esteem/sexual anxiety issues. Honestly believed that I’d never get another girl as amazing as my ex to ever like me again.

Phase 1: OMG, She Talked to Me!
When: Winter and Spring of 2006
Progress Report: It took me three months to actually work up the nerve to cold approach a girl. When I finally did, I was so nervous and self-conscious, I actually apologized for talking to her. I focused mainly on going to parties and meeting girls through my friends. I used some of David DeAngelo’s Cocky/Funny to turn my humor on girls and actually got some mediocre results. A drunk make-out here, an ugly girl’s phone number there. Still no real results though.

I read the Venusian Arts Handbook (basically what became Magic Bullets) and decided to memorize some routines, magic tricks and even some palm-reading. In my first couple dozen sets of my life, I would try these and they would fail miserably. I suck at magic. One girl, while getting a palm-read, looked at me and said, “Why are you touching me?” Another girl, after a botched magic trick looked at me and said, “You should just try being normal.” Little did I know, she gave me better advice than 80% of the PUA community.

Sticking Points: I still had awful approach anxiety. Anything more than one set a night was a “good night.” Attraction game was all over the place, uncalibrated, and awkward. I sucked at routines.

Phase 2: Afraid of Sex
When: May – July of 2006
Progress Report: I took the girl’s advice and tried to just act normal on cold approaches. To my utter amazement, my results got better. I stuck with the Cocky/Funny I used at my friend’s parties and actually started getting phone numbers off cold approach.

My social circle game really started coming into its own. My occasional drunk make-outs finally turned into hook ups and in April, I ended a 16-month sex drought. The experience was terrifying.

When I got sexual with girls, I freaked out that they’d become emotional attached or involved with me (baggage from my relationship; me projecting), and would quit answering their calls. I held the limiting belief that any girl who would sleep with me wanted to be my girlfriend. Seriously…

In June, I met up with a local Boston guy through the lair. He could approach all night but couldn’t hold conversations. I could hold conversations all night but couldn’t approach because I still had crippling approach anxiety. He proceeded to approach about eight sets in the first hour. I stood by stunned and horrified at the groups he fearlessly started talking to. By the end of the night I calmed down and even opened a few sets myself. My AA finally became manageable.

It was in July in which I met a super-natural. We met because the same girl invited us both to a party of hers. To this day, I have yet to meet anyone in the community better than him. Over the next year, I would go out with him and watch him pull smoking hot girls home consistently and without hesitation. I owe a lot of the speed and extent of my development to him.

Sticking Points: Bad sexual anxiety. Sloppy escalation. Would act like a jack ass on day 2’s.

Phase 3: Finally Getting It
When: August – December 2006
Progress Report: I continued to go out five nights a week, half of which I spent with my natural wing, the other half with community guys or college friends.

Watching my natural friend interact with women quickly influenced my dominance and how sexual I was willing to be around girls. The stuff he pulled off was amazing and consistently tested my beliefs and reality.

That summer, I took a girl home from a party. She was very aggressive and it was apparently within an hour or two that we’d have sex. When we got back to my place, once again I ran into severe sexual anxiety and started freaking out that this girl was going to want to date me or something. I decided to take the bluntly honest route and talk to her, set expectations. I told her after sex, “Hey, you’re cool but you need to know this isn’t going to go anywhere.”

She laughed in my face and said, “Who said I wanted to see you again?” This experience was HUGE.

My college party/social circle game hit its peak. I had a night in August where I hooked up with three girls in one night. My college friends and their parties would continue to supply the majority of my lays for the next six months.

I got my first fuck buddies, although I was still bad at keeping them around. I still over-gamed on day 2’s and girls I had already slept with, mostly out of a lack of confidence, but also out of habit.

During this period, I probably slept with 10-12 girls, tripling the amount of women I had been with in my entire life.

On paper, I suppose I had reached legitimate “PUA” status. Within only eight months, I had gone from being a stumbling newbie who needed help approaching, to the guy most guys came to for advice in the lair. I got one night stands. I had a fuck buddy or two.

But I still had a lot of inner game work and emotional work to do — stuff I had never planned on working on, but would soon bite me in the ass.

Sticking Points: Inner game — seeking way too much validation, becoming addicted to sarging. Emotionally vacant. Still had sexual anxiety issues.

Interlude: The Salvadorean Woman
When: January – May 2007
Progress Report: I began to get frustrated in December of 2006. I still had a lot of irrational fears about girls I was seeing — I’d inexplicably stop calling them back and decide that they were needy and crazy — and kept fighting bouts of sexual anxiety.

I decided to check myself into therapy. I did some research, found a guy near my apartment who my insurance covered and I could relate to (went to same college, had been a musician and a slacker, used to womanize when he was young).

What started out as, “Hey Doc, help me keep my pecker hard,” turned into a long dialog that delved into my emotional issues — first, my ex-girlfriend (predictable) and then my parent’s divorce (whoa, didn’t see that coming) and then finally my entire adolescence.

I’m not one of those guys who shits on therapy at all. I think if you find the right therapist, it’s incredibly helpful. You just have to find the right person and be willing to open yourself up and work on yourself. I was extremely engaged every week. Every week I’d figure something out about myself, my emotional inner works, my past, my issues, etc. and then I’d spend the rest of the week turning the ideas over in my head. Eventually, after about 4-5 months, I showed up one day and it felt like I didn’t have anything to talk about. So I stopped. That was it. All in all, seeking therapy was one of the smartest things I ever did.

The other thing that happened was I met a woman. She was foreign (love it), older (also love it), beautiful, smart and rich. Our first date consisted of her buying a bottle of Johnny Walker and us sitting in her apartment until 4AM speaking in broken English (her) and broken Spanish (me). It was wonderful.

Now, as with all the other previous girls that I had really liked, I was still scared shitless of commitment, but this woman was too amazing to not commit to. She was mature and handled her emotions well, which is what I needed in the girl I dated at the time. She was fun and playful, had a sexy accent, and spoiled the shit out of me. It’s really hard to ditch a woman when she’s sexy, fun AND perfectly willing to spend $1000 on you without thinking twice.

It was good for me. It was perfect for me really. It restored my confidence, my emotional stability, helped me open myself up again. I wasn’t afraid of intimacy or relationships anymore.

Eventually, she had to move back to her country. Her family worked in the government (which in Central America is a huge deal). She finagled a job for me at the US Embassy down there and invited me to go down to live with her.

As fantastic as it all sounded, I realized she and I wanted different things. I had just gotten out of college. She wanted to settle down, probably marry and have kids. The idea that a woman was actually willing to marry me — and not even that, a woman of THAT caliber really did a number on my reality.

Unfortunately, I had to turn her down. We lost touch. She was such a blessing and I still think about her now and again.

Phase 4: Put Me Back in the Game Coach
When: May – December 2007
Progress Report: When I came back, I was rusty for a few weeks. But in no time, I was hitting it hard again, five nights a week, and the results started pouring in like there was no tomorrow. Probably a new girl every week or two for six months.

But the difference was that I was actually keeping girls around now. I was keeping them around for three, six, even eight months at a time. We always seemed to enjoy our time together. And when it came time for them to move on, I was remaining friends with them. There were almost never any hard feelings or awful drama.

Within a few months I had a large rotation of girls that I maintained until the end of the year.

Sticking Points: I still remained emotionally shallow with my girls. Also, my lifestyle had become dominated by pick up. I reached a point where I was unemployed, broke, living on a friend’s couch, and was dating four girls and going out three nights a week. It was stupid. And I quickly became miserable.

Phase 5: Girlfriend, Coaching and the Post-PUA Life
When: January – September 2008
Progress Report: I decided to put my life in order. On top of being a mess personally and financially, I was getting burnt out from all of the sarging. I don’t know about you, but after about a dozen 4-month-long casual relationships, it starts to get a bit old. The one night stands got old even way before that.

This period, I found myself slowly falling into another serious long-term relationship with my current girlfriend. She started as a FB about six months prior.

This period also saw me begin coaching which created a bizarre effect on my social life and general psyche for a while. This is documented on this blog in my “Post PUA Life” posts from the summer of 2008.

But a lot of this was just getting back to being a normal person again. As fucked up as that sounds, it was true. Learning how to NOT go out five nights a week. Learning how to go out and NOT approach girls and still have fun.

Phase 6: Emotional Freedom, Polyamory, and Beyond?
When: September 2008 – Present
Progress Report: The evolution I’ve gone through the last six months has been a deeply emotional/relationship management one. It has also been chronicles on this blog here. My saga with Erika has also been a product of this personal evolution.

Sticking Points: I’d say my sticking points now involve managing multiple deep emotional relationships simultaneously — you could call it “love logistics.” I still think when it comes down to it, the first five minutes are my weakest minutes of any cold approach. I could do better opening large groups and handling night-game logistics. But these are all things that I don’t really plan on addressing until I become single again, move and starting going out again.

Long-time readers and friends will know that I kind of “peaked” last summer. This was when I was still going out 4-5 nights a week and getting really great results. About a year ago, I began coaching. I slowed down my sarging in the Spring for real-life reasons and then basically stopped completely by the summer-time.

This was partly due to the lifestyle adjustments to coaching PUA full-time — I actually grew to HATE sarging and actively avoided it unless I was doing demo sets for students. It was also partly because I completely emotionally committed myself to my girlfriend and had little interest or desire in other girls for a while.

My trip to Argentina really seemed to change a lot of that. Since then I’ve been sarging for myself sporadically. When I say, “sarge for myself,” I basically mean when I’m not teaching or just fucking around with friends.

Over the last two months, I’ve only sarged for myself maybe two nights a month. Most of my weekends are booked and most of my weeknights are spent with my girlfriend. But when I do get out, I’m enjoying gaming again.

And I’ve noticed something. The last two months my results have been retardedly good.

I don’t mean crazy good as in going out every night and getting eight lays in two weeks — as far as I know, Sinn is still the king of that.

I mean my batting average has been ridiculous. My consistency has been obscene.

If I had to put some numbers to it, these would be my estimates: five nights, 10-12 sets total; two SNL’s, one threesome, two make-outs, two lays that I turned down, two girls with long-term boyfriends forcing their phone numbers on me anyway (I don’t home-wreck anymore). I can only think of one blow out. I can only think of one set that I fucked up. Two of the nights were literally one-set-nights: one and done. One girl who I ejected from one night after poor logistics hunted me down on Facebook a month later and told me that I was so “memorable,” she had to try to find me (in case you’re wondering, my open relationship status scared her away).

Two of these five nights were filmed and will be viewable sometime in 2009, results and all.

On top of the stupid results, every night I’ve been having fun, not pressuring myself to perform or open, and feel 100% centered and present from the second I open until I close in each set. I know this isn’t a coincidence, as inner game and outer game always correlate with one another.

But I’ve been trying to figure out what changed during my Post PUA Life Crisis that did this.

Now, I’ll be first to admit that since I sarge so seldomly, I am pre-selecting more often. I’ll also be the first to point out that there’s always a large element of luck involved in gaming, and I could very well have just found the right girls on the right nights.

But from an subjective point of view, I definitely feel different when I sarge now. Something has changed. And as always, I have theories:

1) Emotional Maturity – A lot of this can be attributed to my girlfriend (who is still fucking amazing by the way). Looking back, I used to be a very emotionally guarded and often a cold person. It’s obvious to me now that I was terrified of making myself vulnerable to women for fear of getting hurt again. My girlfriend and the evolution of our relationship has helped me realize that no matter how emotionally vulnerable I make myself, I’m still invincible. No one can control my self-esteem and value except for myself — so there’s NEVER a reason to not give myself 100% to everyone.

I love being vulnerable with girls now. It’s my favorite part of the whole process. Because when I make myself vulnerable, she does the same and we experience an actual emotional connection — which is really the only aspect of game that I enjoy these days.

Embracing my vulnerability in sets has not only lead to a large drop off in any anxiety or reticence in set, but it engages girls so much quicker and deeper than straight-up banter and flirting does. So sarging is not only more fun now, but more fulfilling.

Now, a lot of guys associate vulnerability with weakness and not being “Alpha.” But if you think about it, what signifies inner strength more than a man who’s capable of sharing any part of himself to any one at any time?

2) Embracing the Outcomes – This kind of piggy-backs off of number one. I always felt like I was very good at being “outcome independent” — if I got blown out, I got over it pretty quick and would often joke about it, if I had an awesome lay, I’d enjoy it and then be over it a day later or so. But these days, it’s different. I don’t try to ignore the outcome as much as I embrace them, regardless of what they are. I’m discovering there’s some sort of sick pleasure in getting rejected. I still enjoy taking a girl home after an hour or a date. I enjoy having deep, beautiful conversations in the corner of the club and kissing passionately. In the end, all of these results are slowly blurring and becoming similar for me — they’re all unique and dynamic human interactions with their own stories, flavors and shapes, each one has some experience to add to my life and therefore none are “better” than another — they’re just different, some wider-reaching and some deeper.

3) Being Present and Centered – This is something I kind of started learning to do in the Spring, particularly with the Virgin LR, and describe somewhat in this post: simply being emotionally present with whichever girl I’m speaking to.

A lot is made in outer game about mirroring, rapport techniques, kino, but little is mentioned about matching a girl’s emotional state with yours and then leading her. It takes a lot of focus, but it’s so fucking awesome.

I recently went out with a big name coach from another company and he commented to me, “Dude, you don’t talk in set… like ever. I think every girl you opened ended up carrying 80% of the conversation. But you still made it work every time.”

It boggles my mind now that this is looked down on by some other companies and methods as poor form. If a woman is spending her Friday night confiding and sharing herself with me for hours at a time, what does that imply about my value to her? You throw in the fact that I’m both mentally and emotionally present with her — can it get better? That’s intimacy. And when you focus on the intimacy first and sex second, the sex just naturally happens as if it’s an after-thought, LMR ceases to exist, and you wake up the next day, week or month and can still smile about the experience.

A month or two ago, she and I had a threesome with one of her best friends. My girlfriend is pretty particular about the girls she’s comfortable doing it with, and insists on being “the decider” when it comes to actually initiating the indulgence and her best friend was our prime candidate for a long time.

Well, when we had one with her and my old FB got wind of it — the one who I had my first threesome with — she suddenly wanted to have another one. She didn’t say it overtly, but she suddenly started calling to hang out more, became extremely friendly with my girlfriend (they even hung out one night while I was out coaching). Well, last night, pieces fell into place and we ended up having another threesome together.

This one was nothing like the first one. It was goddamn EPIC. It lasted for more than three hours. We all had multiple orgasms (my girlfriend numbering in the dozens) and shit just kept going and going. When one of us would slow down, someone else was getting really turned on and would start everything all over again. We took fucking water breaks and everything. All in all, it was comfortable and playful.

(Sidenote: Getting a blowjob from two girls at once remains possibly the closest thing to a religious experience I’ve ever had. It never gets old.)

So as the three of us had a slut-a-thon until six in the morning, my girlfriend and I went back to her place this morning. I slept until two in the afternoon, but when I awoke my girlfriend had told her best friend who immediately showed insane jealousy. I mean, you could see it on her face, not only that we fucked another girl together, but that it was mindblowing three hours of sex and debauchery. She visibly changed her disposition towards me — flirting with me as if a light switch had just been turned on.

The thing is, my old FB already wants to do more threesomes with us. But if we have crazy, epic sexcapades with “the best friend” then it’s going to drive her even crazier to want to have another one. In short, we’re in essence playing two of our playmates against each other to get them both more eager for threesomes.

This just reinforces my beliefs that when it comes to courting threesomes, you and your primary girl basically act as a single entity. This is a classic jealousy plotline between two girls utilized to reap the benefits from both. Except, instead of the typical scenario of cool alpha male, we’re a couple who double team these bitches until dawn.

And I’m just going to throw the possibility of a foursome out there. As a couple, my girlfriend and I could realistically turn both of these girls into our FB’s for whenever we want threesomes. And just as I initially created threesomes by merging FB’s, it’s theoretically possible to create a foursome the same way.

And in all of this, I have a beloved partner-in-crime to help seduce and suck these sexy girls any way we so choose. Whoever said relationships weren’t awesome?

I’ve been going out with some of my old college social circles a lot the last few weeks. I’ve been doing it because I’ve felt like I severely lost touch with my old social circles (which used to be wide and prosperous) since I left school and since I started coaching full time.

As you’ve probably noticed from my recent posts about the Post-PUA life, I’ve recognized that a large portion of my identity for the last three years was based on my sexuality and the validation I received from fucking a lot of girls.

I had kind of a disconcerting experience tonight. I hung out with some female friends that I’ve known for a long time. And no matter what we talked about, we seemed to always end up back on topics of my sex life, my sexcapades, and in particalar, the threesomes that I’ve had recently.

This actually started to bug me because these are friends I haven’t hung out to any significant degree in about a year, and I felt like we should talk about something more substantial than the orifices in which I was sticking my cock. But I realized two things. First of all, I had little else to talk about from the last year than my PUA lifestyle (that and my failed attempt in joining the 9-5 work world) and also that my friendships with these girls had ALWAYS largely consisted of me sharing my sexscapades with them. I didn’t realize this until one point when I said, “OK, enough about my sex life, let’s talk about something more interesting.” One of my old friends replied, “But (Entropy), we ALWAYS talk about your sex life.”

I kind of had a realization that this chronic identification and obsession with my sex life, my love life, women and my success with them dates back years and years before I ever was ever conscious of it. This makes sense, as this kind of obsession is what drives us to find the community in the first place.

If there’s a point to this post, I suppose it’s to say to be aware of the identity you’re creating for yourself. I realize now that I’m a successful PUA coach, that my biggest mission is to create a satisfying and exciting lifestyle for myself that DOESN’T revolve 100% around women. I had adopted the identity of the guy who chased ass and hooked up with tons of girls. I thought I had become engulfed with it and began suffering the repercussions of it only recently. But tonight has shown me that it’s been chronic throughout my young adult life for years, that it was only in the last year that I finally noticed it.

So there’s your monthly downer of a post-PUA post. This community and these skills are extremely helpful in your life fellas, but be conscious of what’s driving you to do this stuff. Always remember that life demands balance, and that obsession and dissection of every male/female interaction, no matter how helpful in the short-term, can be unhealthy in the long-term.

- A poster asked: “Is it wrong to pursue a girl after your friend has tried and failed with her?”
- The overwhelming response is “no, it’s not wrong,” although a couple guys commented that they’ve had problems with non-community friends getting mad about this.
- I chimed in saying I had lost a friendship in this way before.
- I was asked the following question: “Do you think that this has to do with a scarcity/abundance mindset, or is there something else at play here?”
- Another poster noted: “I think one of the main reasons is just the possibility of a deflated ego were your friend to succeed. A guy is almost sure to draw comparisons, etc, and maybe put himself down.”

Here was my response:

Both are true. Although the former was the cause and the latter was the effect. Let me explain…

He was my best friend through most of college. When I found the PUA community I started getting results pretty quickly. So whereas for two years, he and I used to stand around college parties with our beers, talking about how hot certain girls were but never approaching them, suddenly within a few months I was getting make-outs and lays. This was awesome at first, and he was excited for me, and I even tried to help him… but it soon started to generate friction, as I continued to get hotter girls more often and more consistently.

It came to a head after about a year. We both met this girl at the same time and were both into her. She was beautiful, smart, sweet, and she was responding warmly to him — something he wasn’t used to from a girl of her caliber. He asked me not to go for her, so I obliged. He blew it.

We ran into her AGAIN a few weeks later and he gamed her AGAIN. This time he got her number. But he never worked up the nerve to call her.

Another few weeks go by and I run into her by myself out at a bar and talk to her. She was giving me IOI’s and was fucking hot as shit. So I said fuck it, he had two legitimate shots and over a month to make something happen and he didn’t. He had gone after girls that I messed up with and I never cared (and at times, girls who I laid as well… but still didn’t care). So what’s the big deal? So, in this respect, yes, it was a question of scarcity versus abundance mentality. But that’s just the surface… the reverberations of that problem ran deeper and ended up crumbling the entire relationship.

I didn’t tell him I fucked her even though she became my main MLTR pretty quickly. I probably should have told him. About a month later, I brought her to a friend’s party. I was sitting on the couch with my arm around her. Completely unannounced and unexpected my buddy shows up, sees us, turns around and leaves five minutes later and has still not talked to me to this day.

In the end, it wasn’t just the scarcity/abundance mentality. It was the fact that I succeeded where he failed… and not just failed at like golf or poker or something, but with women. Most guys have a TON of pride and base a lot of their self-value on their success with women. The fact that he would have to watch me enjoy and repeatedly fuck this girl that he wanted, tried and failed would be a constant reminder of this shortcoming. I guess his ego didn’t want to deal with it. And not only that, but he probably perceived that I was doing it to gratify MY own ego… to SHOW him that I could do it, even though to me it didn’t matter either way.

They tell you when you get into this that you will lose friends. YOU WILL. Looking back, it was for the better. Overall, he had become a negative influence on my life and I had become a negative influence on his. Once we weren’t able to be lame college kegger guys together, it exposed our friendship… or lack thereof.

In the end, whatever happens is for the better. If a guy is willing to cause drama and threaten the friendship over a random girl… then maybe you should question the value of the friendship.

Last night is a good example of this concept. Towards the end of the night, I somehow ended up winging for Mr. Awesome in this two set. These were both 30-something women, and my girl was an HB6 or so. I came in unenthused, but kept my game clicking as things seemed to be going well for Mr. Awesome. Generally, HB7’s and below, I just play “don’t fuck up” game, as I never have to demonstrate much value at all to gain attraction. This woman was no different.

The woman turned out to be fun, so maybe I got bored, but I amped up the sexual tension and kino to get her aroused. As we’re venue-changing, this girl is walking with her arms around me, hugging me on the sidewalk screaming, “OMG! I LOVE YOU!” and telling me how she likes to be spanked, have her hair pulled, etc. What would the old Entropy have done? I would have bitten the bullet, knocked back a few drinks and banged her. But honestly, I was not sexually attracted to her. HB6? Sorry, I’d just be padding my stats at this point.

We end up in a restaurant getting some appetizers. It turns out Awesome’s girl is happily MARRIED, so obvious a no go there. Meanwhile, my girl is insinuating that she’s going to take me home. She buys me a beer. I tell her she’s getting me drunk to take advantage of me. She slyly says “maybe,” and smiles. I told her to not get her hopes up, which looking back, was kind of a harsh way to let her down.

She became a bit incredulous saying, “What guy turns down sex? Especially at your age?” I make up some nonsense about how I’m high maintenence, need attention and affection, blah, blah, blah. Right then Mr. Awesome overhears us talking.

Mr. Awesome: “Wait, what did he turn down?”
HB: “He says he won’t have sex with me.”
Mr. Awesome: (not realizing that we were being serious; jokes) “Oh, I don’t blame him.”

She went from slightly incredulous to straight up offended. She pitched a fit and things got awkward. It appeared that we would be leaving soon on bad terms.

But fuck that. This was a very cool woman with a great sense of humor, and a whole pool of potential female friends. So I reinitiated conversation by feigning some interest in her work. For some reason 30-something single women will talk FOREVER about their jobs — it’s probably no accident that they’re still single. I re-oriented the interaction into a friendship frame: generating interest and intrigue while dropping all sexual tension. We went on to have an excellent and deep conversation about career paths, aspirations, youth, etc.

I ask her how often she comes into town to go out and she said every week or so. I asked her if she wanted to hang out again, and she enthusiastically said yes. The let down and sexual rejection from a mere 10 minutes ago seemed unreal, a mere aberration in the development of a more genuine interaction.

I was particularly happy with this night. I never used to do stuff like this. Like I said, I used to just go for the lay, etc. And if that didn’t work out, and she wasn’t hot, I’d ditch her on a dime and never think about her again. Not only is that a bit egotistical, but it’s inefficient. You put time into this set, even if you’re not going to hook up, reap the benefits of your time and effort: make her YOUR friend and then fuck HER friends.

But before I get into returning to PUA, and what I look to accomplish in the next few months, I have some thoughts about living in a Project.

It’s been about 10 weeks since I moved into Project Boston, and it’s affected my game and my development. The advantages are typical: advice is free-flowing, social networking opportunities, guys help motivate each other. But there have been some large drawbacks that I noticed in the past couple weeks.

1. Stress on results. This isn’t an overt thing, but it’s there, and it cannot be helped. Whenever a roommate has a day 2, or pulls a girl, or calls a girl and talks to her, every other roommate is dying to know, “What happened?” “How did it go?” “What’d she say; what’d you say?” This is natural, and although it doesn’t necessarily put pressure on a guy to produce more results, it unconsciously reinforces a results-oriented mentality. Unofficial tallies are kept within the house for weekends or lays since people have moved in. These are bad habits for an aspiring PUA.

2. Hot-girl worship. This one in particular has been driving me crazy. Every straight guy in the world will take a moment to appreciate a hot girl when he sees one — emphasis: A MOMENT. Obviously, to a PUA, spotting an HB9 is a slightly more significant event than the random Joe, although it’s still not seismic — or at least it shouldn’t be. But when you get 3-4 PUA’s together and hot girls are spot, time stops and the world ceases rotating while everyone is supposed to gawk at said HB9. The irony here is, if one looks, one will see a hot girl every 10-15 seconds, so you would think this wouldn’t be such a momentous occasion. But in actuality, it just produces a seismic (and obnoxious) event every 10-15 seconds.

Aside from annoying me, this IS a bad habit. It objectifies the girls — makes her something other than human, something MORE than human even. The more someone objectifies something (separates themselves from it), the less their unconscious is willing to believe they can attain it. In layman’s terms: when you stop to gawk at a hot girl on the sidewalk and show all your buddies and comment on how many ways you’d fuck her, etc., you’re unconsciously putting her — and every girl of her caliber — on a pedestal. So the next time you sarge a girl of that caliber… guess how you’ll instinctively treat her? Yeah…

That, and I’d like to not have my conversations interrupted eight times a day to look at boobs. HOT GIRLS ARE DIME A FUCKING DOZEN, THEY ARE NOT SPECIAL.

3. Burnout. Although I have not been going out more since moving into the project (about the same frequency), it FEELS like I’m going out twice as much, and I think that’s because when we do go out, there’s such a singular focus on sarging. A night is gauged by how many sets each guy opens and hooks, how many numbers we get, etc. The fun factor is slowly disappearing from weekends. I’ve noticed 1) I am often grumpy when going out now — which used to rarely happen, and 2) I’m often much more willing to get shit-faced drunk than I used to be. I think this is because of an unspoken pressure we’ve put on ourselves to perform.

The irony here, of course, is that the more you try to succeed with women, the less you are going to succeed. It’s having the state and frame that you don’t care what the girl thinks of you, and you don’t care what she says that ultimately gets her to fuck you.

Since I moved in, all four of us saw increased results within the first 2-3 weeks, there was immediate improvement it seemed, across the board. For the next 6-8 weeks, all four of us stalled. I went through one of the driest spells I’ve had in over a year during this period. The last week or two, a couple of us have taken a break. I haven’t sarged in over two weeks, and it’s been good. I first stopped consciously, because I felt myself caring too much (actually, I blew a set pretty hard for acting needy, a mistake I usually NEVER make), and decided I needed a week off. Then this whole thing with the HB10 came up, but that’s been good, I think, because I’m now assured in my decision to pass on her.

I plan on getting back into the field and dominating within the next week, a few things I want to focus on as I return to the field:
1. Having fun first. Not caring about my results for the night. Choosing where to go based on what I think will be most fun, rather than where the most vagina will be.
2. Not sarging when I don’t feel like sarging, and to never feel “obligated” to sarge just because my roommates are.
3. Do my part to reduce the results-oriented mentality in the apartment by showing more concern for the process, not the consequences. For example, if a roommate comes home from a day 2, I won’t ask, “How’d it go?” I’ll ask, “How do you feel you did?”

I think my roommates and I should also talk a bit soon about this to try and reverse the culture of desperation going on around here. I feel like PUA is focused on too much here, and as a result, we get laid less than we would if we lived alone. Sounds funny, but that’s the way it works.

Luck still plays a major role in the life of the PUA, and at times can be the determining factor for a short period of time. The last few days of the 30DC have been widely resultant of circumstance.

Thursday (Day 7): I opened two sets solo during day game. Both were “soft opens,” ie., situationally relevant and just kind of making small talk. One was a real cute girl in an elevator. She hooked and laughed, but as soon as we hit the bottom she walked in the other direction. The other was an older woman outside who from behind looked much more attractive. I just fluffed with her for about five minutes.

I came home exhausted and rejected going out in favor of just meeting my HB10 FB who I had made plans with. Well, amazingly, for the first time in probably 8-9 months, I had an FB flake on me. Awesome and Fish prodded me to go out, but I passed out at like 9:30 bitter and slightly dejected.

Friday (Day 8): More night game, so no pressure on the weekends. Night game comes as easily as walking a dog in the park now. As soon as we get to the venue, we spot a girl who I SNL’d about a year ago and hadn’t talked to since. She was looking HOT (our whole crew gave her solid 9.5-10 ratings), much hotter than I remember her honestly. I decided I had to reopen her and see if she remembered me. Of course, she did and I ended up spending a lot of the night with her. Unfortunately, her friend was disengaged (didn’t have time to find wings and bring them into set), and she pulled my target out. She was all over me though, texting me throughout the night and wanting to see me again.

With that taken care of, it was time to open some new sets. Literally, less than a minute later, I run into ANOTHER girl I fucked last year. This one I went out with 3-4 times but she just quit calling me back. It was an awkward encounter, but I spent the latter half of the night talking to her. She told me as I left, “if you ever want to hang out again, call me, I’m down any time.”

So not only was my entire night dedicated to reengaging these girls I closed a year ago, but between the two of them, they bought me four drinks (or as my drunk ass told Awesome, “I’m four drunks ahead of joo.”). The guys had decided to do Jager-Bombs earlier in the night, and throw in the pre-gaming and I was a good 10 drinks deep. I was PLASTERED. I barely made it home, where Big and Awesome laughed at me mercilessly. I called FB10, and tried to go over there, but she blew me off AGAIN. Made plans with her for Sunday night.

Saturday (Day 9): More night game. It’s amazing how vastly more comfortable I am in night game than in day game. I can barely muster the courage to approach in the day, and at night I go through sets without even noticing them. Big, Cross and I went out to Lir. Upon arrival, I see a girl I’ve sarged before and somewhat befriended near the door. I kind of know her friend. She takes me downstairs where I meet their entire crew of like six girls. I’ve met some of them before but none of them are really that cute so after a pleasant 15 minutes or so, I eject.

I find the guys upstairs and Cross throws Big into a two-set standing behind us. He opens, stalls, plows, comes out on top and then introduces us into the set. I’m kind of paired up with this asian girl with a lot of makeup — at least she’s laughing at my jokes more, so I guess I’ll go with her. Things are going well with her, and then she stands up. WOW! What a nice ass and legs. The man committee couldn’t find a consensus on her rating (everywhere from a 7 to a 10 between the three of us) but I considered her a solid 9 after get a nice gander at that body.

Anyway, she was actually kind of boring. The ADD-type of club girl who needs to be stimulated every 5 seconds or else she is texting someone on her phone. I upped my energy level and busted on her mercilessly. It was working. These two girls had what seemed like five guy friends who kept coming over and trying to cockblock, but the girls wanted us there, so their guy friends would eventually walk off.

The only notable thing about this set is the # close, which I’m very proud of. She had her phone out as usual, just fucking around with it, and I called her out on it, how she’s had it out almost the whole time since meeting me and I thought it was rude. She apologized and started to put it away. Then I said, “Well, if you’re going to keep your phone out in front of me, at least be putting my number into it.” She laughed and just looked at me and goes, “Wow… that was really good.” She opened it and asked for my number, and I said, “No, give me that.” I took the phone and said, “You don’t remember my name, do you?” She says no predictably. I tell her that until she figures out my name, I’ll put a placeholder in her phone. I punch in my number, call myself, then save the number as “Sex God.” I hand it back to her and it takes her about 10 seconds to process what I just did. “Wait, what’d you just save it as? Oh no…” She opens up her phones and looks and starts laughing. “Wow… that’s good. I wish I could be mad, but that’s just good. I might actually pick up when you call me for that one.” Later she tried to shit-test me about it, and I quickly corrected her telling her she liked it. The girl was intimidating in that she’s a high-value girl and expects a lot from guys, but personality-wise she was very straightforward and kind of dull. Either way, I haven’t fucked an Asian girl in over a year, so this will be a nice adventure. She kissed my cheek and grabbed my ass when I said goodbye, but knowing the type of girl she is, she’s probably a flake.

Sunday (Day 10): Woke up at my favorite FB’s place. We had amazing sex the night before — probably the best I’ve had in six months. We were doing the whole pillow talk thing and the talk of threesomes came up. Now, she’s bi and this topic has come up before. In fact, this topic has come up a lot with girls over the years but they’re almost never serious about it. This FB had talked about it in the past, but it had always just been just that, talk. Well, Sunday morning she was talking about it and she was getting noticeably horny. So I started doing dirty talk to her incorporating the threesome fantasy — saying stuff like, “Wouldn’t you love me eating you out while you watch me fuck her?” She was getting really turned on. Now, she has a friend who is bi and they’ve always kind have had a crush on each other and talked about doing a threesome. I finally made some headway into getting my FB to verbally agree to get the ball rolling on this. No more talk, let’s get the three of us out together with the same intention, put a few drinks in us, and hope for the best. I’m trying not to get my hopes up too high, but I believe this is becoming very, very likely. Guys who have sarged with me know that I’ve been trying to get a threesome for almost a year now and have come REALLY close twice. It’s my biggest goal in PU right now.

We did day-game but I was exhausted and complacent. I fucked FBFavorite in the morning and was meeting up with FB10 that night, so the idea of walking around the Pru and telling random girls they were cute just sounded pedantic. I didn’t open any sets.

To add the final circumstance, the Cougar from Miami called me and was sweating me big time to come down. We texted most of the afternoon as well. My goal with her is to just keep the fire going in her until I can take a winter trip down there, and so far — with days and calls like this — it has been going great.

There’s a weird paradox that I’ve talked about before and presented itself in the last few days of the challenge. I only interacted with like seven girls in the last four days, of which, I’ve slept with five of them. My roommates are always giving me hell about always being complacent from having so much sex and not wanting to go out and sarge more. Part of that is true, as I could definitely improve in day game. But I think something they don’t realize is that when you’re juggling all of these girls and relationships, a lot of effort AND skill is devoted to sexual maintenance. When I keep a SNL from Miami still interested in me over the phone, or make a SNL from a year ago want to fuck me again after five minutes, I’m still gaming them, even though it’s not a cold approach. The game doesn’t stop just because you’ve met the girl before. I can see how when you don’t have this large base of pussy on which to live, the cold approach takes so much more precedence — it did for me about a year ago. But as time goes on, and the more amazing and beautiful girls I’m with, I find it harder and harder to invest as much time or effort in cold approaches. Call it complacency or circumstance — it’s probably a little bit of both — but it’s been the defining theme for the last 4-6 months for me, and these last few days embody it perfectly.

Monday (Day 4): A slow day. Five of us went to the mall to do day game. The funny thing is, despite being in PUA for a year and a half, and getting laid left and right for the last year, I’ve never actually gone out and done straight day-game. It was nice to see some of these guys who do it often just go and do it. It’s hard to explain, but it’s always 10x easier once you see somebody else do this stuff in front of you. As the day got on and it became my turn towards the end, the place had largely cleared out. There was one set in the bookstore, but I chickened out of it. I ended up jokingly opening an UG4 on the street just to prove the point that just because you open a set, doesn’t mean you’re improving or pushing yourself. Regardless, I didn’t feel like the day was a failure.

Tuesday (Day 5): Intended to do solo day-game during work, but was slammed and didn’t have any time, so me, Awesome and Big went out to do night-game. I was on. It was a classic Entropy night. There were three promo girls there for Miller Chill, two HB7’s and an HB8. They came over and gave us free samples. I immediately started flirting hardcore with one of the girls. This has just become automatic for me at night. I was busting on her, kino’ing her, and making her laugh within two minutes. She had to move on but came back a couple minutes later. I flirted some more and then she said she’d be right back. She came back with a whole beer and just gave it to me. I said, “What’d I do to deserve this?” She said, “You’re too charming, I had to give it to you.” She gave me the eyes — she wanted it. I intended to get back to her later, but she ended up leaving early with the other promo girls.

A little later, I opened a two set, HB7 and HB8 with an opinion opener. Set blew wide open and within 2 minutes had both girls fighting for my attention. Suddenly, two more girls show up and I’m suddenly in a four set. I quickly force introductions and just up my energy-level even higher. I felt like I dominated this set. I have sets where it’s like Michael Jordan, I feel like I can just do anything, the girls are at my mercy. This was one of those. Awesome and Big came in to wing me and help me isolate the HB8, but I still had to take them 2v1. Eventually Awesome and Big ejected and I was still stuck in a multi-set. I realized after another five minutes or so that I wasn’t that into either girl, and it’d take a lot of work to isolate one from the other. So I said fuck it and ejected.

Suddenly, just as we were about to bounce, I ran into an old FB of mine. I hadn’t seen her (read: fucked her) since early in the summer and she greeted me with my favorite drink. As she handed it to me and hugged me, the message was clear. Big and Awesome wanted me to bounce with them, but who am I do deny this girl my cock? So Awesome and Big bounced and I worked the FB over verbally, emotionally and later physically. She bought me three more drinks throughout the night and I ended up getting tanked and fucking her silly.

I feel like these two days really represent a transformation in my mindset recently. I’ve moved away from a results-oriented mentality and am satisfied now on my performance. I didn’t score a new girl this night, but I DOMINATED every set I was in. I had HB7’s and HB8’s eating out of my hands and ran a four-set solo for a good 10 minutes. Number closes and make outs were definitely options, but in the end, HB7’s and HB8’s don’t do much for me. Especially when my HB8.5 FB is buying me drinks. Anyways, moving on…

Wednesday (Day 6): Did my first official day-game approach in a Starbucks. HB9 sitting and studying. I went direct on her and it was very nervous and awkward for both of us. She was kind of reluctant to let me sit down and talk to her. I gave false time-constraint and started fluffing and she relaxed a lot. After a few minutes I brought out going out and she got very nervous again. When I tried to number close, she mentioned the boyfriend and it seemed very genuine. All in all, it was nice to get my first day-game approach out of the way. I haven’t felt AA like that in over a year, and I haven’t felt so self-conscious and nervous like that in over a year. In night game, if a girl laughs nervously and is a bit insecure, my frame is like a rock. But here, I wasn’t confident and could feel my frame caving under insecurity. But either way, it’ll just get easier from here on out. I imagine my day game with improve by leaps and bounds considering my night game is so tight.

Upcoming plans:

Thursday (Day 7): Day game, solo during work and/or supermarket after work. Seeing HB10 FB at night.
Friday (Day 8): Night game.
Saturday (Day 9): Night game.