But enough about that, I just wanted to pop in since I haven’t updated in a while. The European trip is coming together GREAT. It looks like I’m going to make stops in at least 4-5 different cities, do a lot of lair talks, and coach a handful of guys. I’m really looking forward to it.

So today, I just wanted to give a quick mailbag question I got recently about lifestyle and communicating your lifestyle.

I have purchased your ebook but i am just trying to understand how my passions would integrate into my identity and the way i dress.

Thanks.

I wouldn’t get too hung up worrying about boasting. I mean, a lot of women will be impressed by it, but a lot won’t care. I’ve worked with guys who were 4th degree blackbelts and shit and talking about it never did anything but help them.

Just keep in mind, what you actually love to do isn’t actually as important as why you do it. I mean, most women aren’t really going to care about martial arts at all. The question is, WHY are you passionate about it? WHY do you love it? WHY is it the one thing you really love to do? What does that say about yourself? That’s what women will care about.

Think more about working that into the conversation. What does your martial arts background say about you and how can you integrate that into your interactions more? The actual FACTS of your life are going to come up randomly any way, but what you want to focus on talking about is the personality that drives your lifestyle.

I’m starting to get some results and it’s fucking with my head. I’m starting to feel really guilty because I feel like these girls are like falling in love with me but I don’t feel the same way with them. Is this normal?

I think so. When guys first start to get some success it really messes with your head at first because your entire life you’ve programed yourself to appreciate women more than you’re appreciated, you’ve always been the guy who likes her more than she likes you and as a result you always get your heart broken. Well, when the tables flip all of the sudden, it’s a huge mindfuck and a lot of guys immediately feel guilty. They feel like they’re getting affection they don’t deserve and when they break things off they feel like they have no right to hurt someone.

It’s tough, yes, but it’s life. In the end you can never hold yourself responsible for other people’s emotions, only your own. If a girl falls head-over-heels for you and you don’t exactly feel the same way about her, you eventually learn to appreciate her and savor the feeling without feeling guilty or unworthy of it. A lot of guys get caught off-guard by this outpouring of emotion from women (especially lower self-esteem women which newer guys tend to attract) and it freaks them out, but once you get used to it you learn this is what’s so wonderful about women that draws us to them so strongly.

I was in a set the other night, all her girl friends and a few dudes are partyin’. I give her a direct opener at the bar by complimeting her style. Her friend says it’s her b-day and I should by her a drink. I ask her how old she is. She says she’s 23 and doesn’t want to talk about it. I tell her she’s not that old and you can’t complain until you’re my age then she asks how old I am. I make her guess and she says 25-26. I tell her I’m older and she follows up with “you’re trouble” then ejects on me. I didn’t have a verbal follow up and just smiled.

Second time this weekend a chick tells me I’m trouble. What would you guys say to a girl who says you’re trouble?

First of all, the “you’re trouble” comment is usually a good sign, especially if it’s happening later in an interaction (like a date or something). What it basically means is that she’s attracted to you and actually so attracted to you that it kind of worries her.

I always deflect the statement with one of two things: “I’m the worst kind of trouble,” (if I’m going for an SNL) or, “Yeah, but I’m the best kind of trouble,” if I’m going for a more long-term thing or I’m on a date. Either works. Both make her laugh.

The important thing is that I immediately segue into some comfort. For more info, check out the Night Game Model in the articles section.

Hey Mark hows it going,

I recently read your blog post about being well read and it has inspired me to get reading during my summer break from uni.  Mostly because while i was study for exams i notice that i was slow as fuck with my readings.  Anyways the part of the blog post that caught my attention the most was how reading all those philosophy books during your summer break helped you out with your grades, which i could use as well, so my question is what are some good philosophy and social science books you can recommend?

p.s. when do you think you will be releasing your college game program?

YES! Reading really dense non-fiction for an entire summer made college a snap after that. I actually have an “official” page for book recommendations up. But since you asked for some more serious philosophical and social science stuff, I’ll add a few more.

- Ken Wilber’s A Brief History of Everything and Integral Psychology. Think of Ken Wilber as Eckhart Tolle, except he explains spirituality through rigorous psychological understanding and philosophical research. He’s as rigorous as he is lucid. These books are “dense” in that they require a basic understanding of a LOT of concepts (anthropology, psychology, biology, philosophy, religion, etc.) but the writing is clear and wonderful. Wilber had a profound effect on my life.

- The Singularity Is Near by Ray Kurzweil. Kurzweil is an inventor, futurist and called by some “The Thomas Edison of our time.” His inventions span everything from the synthesizer to text-to-speech software. He’s also well-known for being on the cutting edge not only of technology, but understanding how technology will effect society, culture and every day life. This book looks out over the next 50 years with the rise of robotics, genetic medicine and nanotechnology, the conclusions he comes to are as controversial as they are profound. Really awesome shit here.

- For global politics and culture, check out stuff by Andrew Bacevich, Andrew Sullivan, Amy Chua and Fareed Zakaria. Avoid “pop” political books and stuff like “The Progress Paradox” and “Freakonomics.” They’re really simple concepts and entertaining stories disguised as “academic” (when they’re really just marketed to people in airports). Avoid Noam Chomsky at all costs.

- As for philosophy, I’ve read a lot of primary works of guys from Aristotle to Nietzsche to Hegel to Bertrand Russell. I honestly don’t think there’s any significant advantage to reading the primary works (which are sometimes impossible to decipher) rather than commentary on their work. A lot of the ancient philosophers’ ideas are considered pretty commonplace today anyway.

- On the other hand, when it comes to psychology, I did enjoy reading Carl Jung and some of Freud’s stuff.

That should be enough to get you started. As you start reading you’ll get turned onto new subjects. The more you read and learn the more you become curious about new things. Just keep following your curiosity and you can’t go wrong.

Hi Entropy,

Thanks,
Lore

Going direct on a girl in mixed sets will have one of two reactions, and it’s completely based on your non-verbals and first impression to the group. The guys will either get very defensive and engage you or they’ll back down and completely leave you alone. Unfortunately, a lot of this has to do with whether a) they want the girl or not and b) whether they think they could kick your ass if they had to or not.

I avoid the super-direct stuff for mixed sets. Mixed sets, I find engaging the guys first and then talking to the girls works the best. When you engage the girls first, the guys usually put their guard up and try to AMOG your or whatever (I hate that term). Indirect openers work well for mixed sets.

Hey Mark, I think the subjects says it all. I’ve been meeting girls that somehow hit on me and they are doable but their personallity is… how can I say it…. shallow?, not interesting, etc. Some of them are so dumb that I don’t want to interact too much with them but I’d like to fuck them, or at least try to. But How can I build comfort with somebody that I’m not really interested emotionally? Forget the moral part of the subject, please!

Unfortunately, a lot of women will fall into this category. I literally had a girl answer the question, “What’s your biggest passion in life? What do you love to do more than anything?” with, “Watch reality television.” She was serious too. To answer your question, just get her to talk about herself a lot. Even if you’re not interested, get her to go on and on about herself. Everyone’s favorite conversation topic is themselves, and the more you get her to talk about it, the more she’ll feel connected to you.

I have a question/problem about monogamy and having sex whenever and however I want. Maybe I’m looking at this the wrong way, but here’s how I see it. Whenever I’m dating more girl at a time, and one of them doesn’t want to have sex at some particular point in time, or doesn’t want to do whatever kinky thing I want right then, I’m totally fine with it. My attitude is like, “it’s not her responsibility to make me happy, my fate is in my hands, I can go fuck some other girl”, and it’s not like I’m mad at the girl at all. I still have totally positive emotions towards her.

It’s like I automatically become needy when I’m in a monogamous relationship.  Is there a way out of this trap, without simply becoming a committed polyamorist and refusing to enter a monogamous relationship?

This is a form of neediness in your relationships. For whatever reason, you’re attaching a lot of validation to how often your partner has sex with you. For whatever reason, you’re connecting “her wanting to have sex with me,” with “she loves me,” and this only becomes a big deal when you’re in a serious relationship.

I feel like in every long-term relationship there’s always one person who wants sex more than the other and this dynamic comes up a lot, where one person always feels like they have to bother the other one for sex and the other gets turned off by it. This may sound stupid, but do you still look at porn when you’re in a relationship? You may try that to relieve your excess sexual desire and not put pressure on your partner. As for not seeking the validation from her, that’s simply something you have to overcome by understanding she loves you despite whether she’s horny or not.

Mark,

Love the new layout of the site, sick…it looks very professional. This is kind of a two part question. Again, if you don’t have time to read/respond to this email, don’t sweat it.

What are some qualities or traits that a GF looks for in her BF?
And in your opinion, how much does great sex (assuming that is a quality she looks for in her man) account for the GF’s attractiveness to her BF, accounting for the other qualities that the GF feels attraction for said BF? I’m imagining a pie chart with all the qualities broken up and what chunk of that pie chart is great sex.

Not sure if it matters, but said GF is experienced when it comes to sex.

Thanks.
Hani

Well, the honest answer is: it depends. Just like different guys prefer different girls for girlfriends, different girls look for different traits in guys for boyfriends. For instance, a shallow, coke-blowing club whore will be more interested in how many muscles a guy has. A Ph.D student in Theology is going to be more concerned about your morals, intellect and spirituality.

That relationship drive really comes down to compatible personality and emotionall connection more than anything else.

As for sex, yes, sex plays a very important role in a relationship. On a pie chart? Again, it’ll differ from woman to woman, but I’d say sex makes up a sizeable portion (maybe 1/4 or even 1/3). I call sex, “The State of the Union” of the relationship, because it’s when youre intimacy comes together and expresses itself. So if you’re physically not able to express that intimacy with her, frustration will ensue.

As to the experience question, the more experienced a girl is (i.e., the better in bed other guys have been), the less patience and tolerance she’ll have for poor sex. If she’s inexperienced, she’ll have a much higher tolerance.

I recently met this girl who’s amazing. Hotter than any other girl I’ve been with. How do I make her my girlfriend?

- Don

I personally believe in slowing down the commitment process as much as possible. If you want a girlfriend, that’s great, but don’t rush into things. There are a few reasons for this:

1) It’s easy to get swept up in the “honeymoon” period when you first meet someone. Basically, the first 3-6 months you’re with someone, you get overwhelmed by hormones and passion and can often make stupid decisions.
2) I think it’s important to continue to date other women even if you really like one at first, it maintains an abundance mentality when you make your decision to commit.
3) Most guys underestimate the time/effort that comes with a full-time commitment and girlfriend. They’re often being needy as well.

With that said, I think it’s important to let her be the one to push for commitment. In most relationships that start out, one person wants to be with the other one more than the other. When this is the guy, women get turned off extremely easily, as you can come off as needy, or pushy. In my experience, when it’s the other way around, that’s when relationships make it out of that first year or so and equalize and become long-term and successful.

So I guess the short answer to “how do I make her my girlfriend,” is DON’T. Let it happen naturally, and let her push for it. My long answer and philosophy about going about getting a girlfriend can be read here: PUA’s Avoiding Relationships.

Hey Entropy,

I have a question that is less related to game and more to relationships. I just got out of a relationship that I was pretty invested in. The girl I was dating had a lot of things in her past to deal with and ended up deciding she needed to deal with them on her own. It was a shock because things were going great and she was frequently stating how much she liked me and making future plans. I followed the advice of Savoy from his relationship management DVDs so I think I did everything I could to keep the relationship fresh and exciting but I think in this case nothing could have prevented this.

Anyway, my question is do you have any recommendations for how to get over a break-up? Overall I feel pretty okay with it all but sometimes I feel like crap. Right now I don’t have much interest to go approach girls but I forced myself to do so anyway this weekend. Thanks a lot!

-Sal

Yes, use the emotions you feel as fuel to better yourself. Every time I get out of a break up and feel really down and depressed I harness those emotions to better myself, whether it be by working out a bunch, working on my business 16 hours a day or going out and trying new things. I frame it in my mind as,”Well, I’m going to become such a bad ass, she’ll regret doing this.” While I’m not ACTUALLY trying to get her back, it feels good to feel like you’re going to make her regret it.

If your hearts not that in approaching, I don’t know if I’d force it yet. Honestly, the best thing I found for break ups is exercise. Studies have actually shown that doing cardio speeds up emotional processing — for instance, if you feel depressed or guilty about something, running or biking will make you get over it faster than not. After a few weeks, you should start getting that “fire” again to go out and jump on every cute girl that walks by. So I wouldn’t worry about that too much. Focus on yourself for a few weeks, then focus on hitting on other girls.

I’m also doing a bunch of interviews right now. One is supposed to be for a local news station, but the broad keeps flaking on me (women…).

But anyway, this week’s mailbag deals with more theoretical stuff of why you should escalate, social circle game, and limiting beliefs.

Hey Mark, I’ve been analyzing my game lately and I think that the only thing that I don’t do is pushing the interaction, your famous ABC! I get telephone numbers easily, but I think anyone can do that. I’ve made out few times and when I do it I see the girl again. I’ve never had a SNL or sex in the bathroom. Why is it so hard to see the girl again if you don’t have a physical interaction with her? What does she think that she wants to see you again? What does she think that she doesn’t want to see you again when yo don’t have a physical interaction with her? What’s going on in their minds? Why do I have to have the physical interaction ASAP? What is the problem with dating?

Thanks, Leo.

There’s nothing “Wrong” with dating or taking things slow. The more physical you get with a woman, the more invested they become in the interaction. For instance, if you talk to a woman for two hours one night and get her number she may think three days later, “Oh, he was a nice guy,” but not make any effort to see you again. But if you talk for two hours and passionately make out then she’s much more likely to remember you, be more emotionally invested in you, and backward rationalize reasons why she liked you and wants to see you again.

I recommend guys get physical as soon as possible because it increases their chances of seeing women again, decreases flakes, and gives them more flexibility in establishing expectations for the relationship.

Entropy,
I’m 20, but I feel like I’m 60. I feel like I’ve been wasting my life. Everytime I try and improve my discipline, skills, whatever, a little voice inside me goes “Damn you, John. Why didn’t you do this years ago?” I need to get over my regrets.

Thanks,
John

Yeah, you do. Dude, you’re so young, it’s ridiculous. Just remind yourself every time you think this to go ahead and do now because if you don’t, five years from now you’ll back and say, “Damnit John, why didn’t you do this when you were 20.” This way, you can prevent those thoughts from even occurring in the future.

Hey Entropy, I think you are right on with your Personalizing Pickup ideas. To follow up on the question from anonomous, for us lucky guys who have physical advantages, would you suggest different openers since we are coming in with high value as it is? Direct or indirect, maybe low-investment or compliment openers, or even low value openers like Braddock’s “I’m not sure what to say to you, but I had to meet you. I’m Braddock.”

How about with qualification? Should we avoid the large and harsher hoops like “What do you have going for you other than your looks?” and stick with small/medium hoops? Or should we assume rapport and go straight into comfort after the opener?

Thanks.
F

Yes, the more physical advantages you have, the more going direct will take care of literally all the attraction game you need. Also, much lower investment openers work really well, such as, “Hi, I’m F.” because most of the time when you approach girls figure you approach women a lot and want to be hit on by you.

As for qualifying, you don’t want to be harsh, but definitely get as deep as possible with your hoops to build more comfort. Again, the disadvantage of being good-looking is that women are going to be slower to trust you and think that you say this shit to every girl. You’re much more likely to come off as a “player” and often they have to feel like they earned your affection. This is why the more natural (passive) attraction you have, the less you need to build (active attraction).

Hey Entropy! Sad news Doc is done but I’m actually glad for him. Simple question: how do you handle getting a reputation with being with a lot of women. For a while I felt like my dick was on the black list but recently I have been cleaning up, but certainly girls have heard about me. Any ideas?

Best,
Adam

I wrote about this last year. I call it “Attraction by Osmosis.” It’s an interesting effect once you infiltrate a social circle and start sleeping with the girls in it.

What happens is they naturally become more attracted to you (this is what I called “attraction by osmosis”). But because of their increased attraction for you, they become more skeptical of you and will test your congruence a LOT. I think they also do this for social reasons because they don’t want their other friends to think they’re trying to steal their man or whatever.

But basically these girls will ACT really bitchy towards you, but if you remain unaffected and get one of them alone, usually sleeping with them is very easy.

As always, ask me anything in the comments, or through email at entropy@practicalpickup.com.

Could you write about text message game sometime, Entropy? Like if a girl you’re into texts you a lot, whether its worth replying as much as she’s texting you, and when its a good idea to text or call after getting a number? I’d like to see your thoughts on it. Excellent blog, thanks for your thoughts!

- Tyler

Guys are usually disappointed when I tell them my text/phone game, as it’s painfully simple. For one, I hate phones, but also I really believe in just doing the bare minimum to get her out with you again.

First, to answer your questions: the general rule is you can reply up to as much as she’s texting you. If she’s texting you a lot, it’s always preferable for her to be texting more than you.

Secondly, I call the next day. If not, the day after. In conventional wisdom, there’s been a “three-day rule” which is complete and utter bullshit (if you haven’t heard of it, it’s the “rule” that you HAVE to wait three days to call a girl after you get her number.) I can’t tell you how many girls I’ve talked to who not only know that guys do this, but it drives them crazy. If you like her, call her. If she likes you, she’ll be wanting you to call her.

That said, most of my philosophy on phone/text game is that it’s really just to facilitate meeting up. If you gamed her well enough when you met her, almost anything you do should be fine as long as you’re direct and don’t play games. If she didn’t like you that much when she met you, she’s probably going to flake no matter what.

So, I guess here’s a crash course in how I run follow-up game:

- Text either later that day/night or the next day. Just say something cute followed with, “Nice meeting you.” This is nothing more than a ping for a response. If she responds, you know she’s interested. If she doesn’t, you know she’s probably a flake.
- If I REALLY like the girl, I’ll call her the next day. Most girls I call the day after, after I’ve texted back and forth with her some. Again, I really believe that guys lose a lot of girls to flakes because they sit around and wait to call them. You want to maintain communication with her and keep you fresh in her mind. Again, if she likes you, calling her so soon won’t matter, and if she doesn’t, it STILL won’t matter.
- Since I hate phone calls, I tend to do as much texting as possible first. If I can get her into some consistent text conversations, often I’ll just set up the date through text. If not, then I’ll call her within 48 hours.

I also schedule dates ASAP (another newbie mistake every guy makes). If I meet a girl on a Tuesday, I call on Thursday and set up a date for Saturday. If I meet a girl on Friday, I call on Sunday and set up a date for Monday. Etc.

This method — I guess you could call it the “no bullshit” method — doesn’t decrease flakes, what it does is get all the flakes out of the way as soon as possible. I used to waste way too much time texting and calling girls for 2-3 weeks and not be able to get a date with them. This way, I’m basically telling them to put up or shut up, I don’t have time to play phone tag, to play scheduling games, or to wait around and pretend I’m less interested than I am. If she doesn’t like me, I’d rather her flake ASAP to spare me the inconvenience.

If I’m going out regularly, I’ll be getting 5-10 phone numbers a week anyway, so losing half of them to flakes is no big deal.

As for flakes, I’ll try them 2-3 times and give up. Again, I see no point in trying to win over a girl who’s not interested when I can just go open another set. There are guys who will call and try for weeks or even a month or two, and yes, there are ways to revive dead numbers months later. But I never really cared enough to try.

Could you touch on how you perfected the art of teasing / cocky funny? This is something I have trouble pulling off, though I see it works really really well during night game.

Thanks man,
- TR

Teasing requires three things:

1. It’s funny.
2. It makes fun of her.
3. It’s playful.

If you’re not funny, then take a comedy class or two. If you’re not making fun of her (she’s not giving you an emotional response), try being more of a dick. If you’re not being playful, you need to lighten up and have more fun.

Teasing and bantering is a massive amount of trial and error. The best advice I can give you is to try and go overboard — i.e., be as shocking and ridiculous as possible. You’ll end up offending a lot of girls, but then you can slowly calibrate it back and find the sweet spot. 90% of guys are too nice and not playful enough with their teases. So I feel like if you overcompensate first, not only do you become aware of everything you can get away with, you’ll get a good feel for where you need to be.

Just don’t complain to me when you get a drink thrown on you.

I totally agree with you that being physically imposing can be a big drawback once it comes to kino’ing. Being 6′, 220 lbs. at only 5% bodyfat, I get lots of looks and compliments from girls, and well honestly, gay guys and bisexuals too, on how I dress or how I look, but I have trouble escalating on sets that I open myself (as opposed to the ones who come to me) for the reasons you described. Do you have any tips on how to escalate as someone whose advantages are always getting in his way?

- Anonymous

OK, everyone all together now, “Aww, you’re too good looking, YOU POOR MOTHERFUCKER!”

There, now that we got that out of the way. The answer to your question is easy, based on the rules of passive/active attraction (which I lay out in the “Personalizing Pickup” series).

You’re overvalued. You’re trying to build attraction and get sexual when your look is already attractive and sexual. Therefore you come across as if you’re compensating for something.

What I recommend is to run 90% comfort game. Compliment girls more. Tell them you find them sexy. They’re assuming that you hook up with girls constantly, so they need to feel special or unique before they fuck you (or at least most of them will).

Hey Entropy,

I’m having a problem attracting women that I don’t find attractive. I’m in my late 30’s, pretty good-looking for my age and very successful. The women I attract tend to also be in their thirty’s and honestly, they’ve kind of let themselves go. What should I do?

- Jason

Date younger women. If you don’t want a committed relationship and want women who are in great shape, why the hell are you dating women in their 30’s? My guess is you have some sort of limiting belief concerning your age. I have a friend who is 49 and dates women in their mid to late 20’s. It should be no problem for you if what you say is true.

Time to ditch the hotel bars and hit the night clubs.

Is 5 supposed to represent the median girl, or the average one? Because the ugliest girls are far ugly than the hottest ones are hot. So that would mean the median girl must be significantly hotter than the average.

- Aaron

This is what I never understood about the 1-10 scale. For the vast majority it breaks down like this: 10 = ungodly hot, 9 = really hot, 8 = I’d do her, 7 = I’d do her, but I wouldn’t be proud, 6 = only if I’m really drunk and desparate, 5 and below = ugly with varying degrees.

This never made sense to me. This is another reason I recommend guys raising their standards, to have 2/3 of the scale dedicated to girls you’re not interested in seems silly. What ends up happening is you get guys debating with themselves whether she’s an 8.5 or an 8.75.

Here’s my scale:
10 = doesn’t exist except for on magazine covers and in Photoshop.
9 = A model.
8 = Super hot, the hottest girl in a nice club on any given Friday night.
7 = Hot, hottest girl in a regular bar on any given Friday night.
6 = Attractive, but not going to cause any car accidents just by walking down the street. You’ll see maybe a dozen of these on any given Friday night out.
5 = Cute, but nothing you’d be too proud of.
4 = Have to be really drunk.
3 = Ugly-but-has-potential
2 = Ugly-but-no-potential
1 = Vomit-inducing

And a side-note for all the self-righteous “You shouldn’t rate girls” assholes. I don’t care if you have a binary scale, a 1-4 scale, or a 1-52 scale, it’s all arbitrary. Answer the following question: are some women more physically attractive than others? YES! Then whether we distinguish that with a 10-point scale or a 2-point scale is completely arbitrary and not even worth arguing.

And no, just because we rate women’s attractiveness (something that every man on the planet has been doing since adolescence) doesn’t mean we’re “de-valuing” her in some way. My girlfriend is a 6.5 on my scale (8.5 on most guys’ scales) but that doesn’t mean I treat her as a 6.5. Some of the hottest girls I’ve ever gotten with were shitty people. Were they still 9’s? Hell yeah, they were.

OK, end rant.

Hey Entropy,

Can you escalate too quickly if your goal is an LTR?

- Skulder

Great question! I teach in my relationship management seminars that you ideally want to have sex with a woman AS SOON AS POSSIBLE because it gives you the widest available options as far as where to take the relationship. So you would assume the answer is “no.”

Well, surprisingly, the answer is “yes,” but to escalate too quickly you have to escalate at lightning fucking speed.

If I had to estimate, having sex with a girl in under an hour of meeting her will nix you from her “long-term” potential. Anything under 30 minutes, no question. I don’t know what it is, but when you hook up with a girl exceedingly fast, it’s like she almost doesn’t even feel like you’re real. I noticed this last year when I was getting a bunch of 30-second make-outs, the kissing would end and then there’d just be this awkward moment where the girl felt like she was in a dream or something and we had nothing to say to each other. It’s the same for fast bathroom pulls… afterward is just a horribly awkward experience.

I suppose theoretically it’s possible, but in general, the slower you escalate, the more you sub-communicate LTR expectations, the faster you escalate the less you do. In my experience, the cut off would be around an 30-60 minutes.

Another Friday, another mailbag. Lots of Doc Holliday questions to get through this week along with some pickup ones. As always, feel free to post your questions (about pick up, life, the universe and everything) in the comments or email them to me at entropy@practicalpickup.com.

I understand it’s none of my business but I don’t give a shit. What happened to Doc? I know he wanted to work on his education and go to school but is that really what happened? His blog entry seems so depressing and I was just a little upset because I related to him a lot… and he really was a true source of inspiration in some aspects to my own personal development, so to me it is important.

- Anonymous

Doc asked me not to give too much personal information about him. But from working with the guy every day for over a year and experiencing a lot of the same things he did, here are the factors that I would guess inspired him to quit and leave:

1) He realized he hated traveling, especially when we slummed it in a few cities (sleeping on couches and whatnot).
2) He wasn’t comfortable with the financial realities of this job. This may sound ridiculous for those of you who assume all of us are making six-figures and raking in the dough. But the truth is, bootcamps can be hard to sell, travel expenses rack up. Sure we could make $2,000 in one night but then we’d go three weeks without earning a dime. This wears on me sometimes and I know it wore on him even moreso.
3) He’s in love with his girlfriend and doesn’t want to sarge anymore. Enough said.
4) He didn’t envision PUA as his long-term career and didn’t necessarily want to be remembered for it in 10, 20, 30 years or whatever. This is understandable.
5) Although he enjoyed coaching, he didn’t enjoy all of the bullshit that came along with it: guru politics, community drama and gossip, etc.

He’s going back to school and wants to pursue a career in either teaching or coaching. Having PUA Instructor on your resume would still be taboo in those fields I imagine, especially if he ended up teaching like high school girls or something, lol.

All in all, I think it just wore on him and he got really burnt out. If there had only been 2-3 of these factors, maybe he’d still be here (like I am), but unfortunately not.

Hey Entropy,

What is going to happen to the content on Doc’s blog. He had some really good daygame info on there and it would be a shame for it all to become vapor in cyberspace.

I heard at one point he was going to do a daygame product. I guess that’s not happening now.

- Eric

Doc signed over all of his content to me and I have it saved on my hard drive. All of his best stuff will appear on the re-launch of this blog in a few weeks.

As for the day game product, he and I were doing that together (and actually almost finished). We have no plans to release it anymore.

Is Practical Pickup really finished? I bet this is just some marketing gimmick.

- Like Eight Random People

Yes, it’s really finished. Doc even has a day job already. And actually, if he came to me and begged to come back, I don’t know if I’d say yes… I’ve already put two months of work into new things.

So, no this isn’t a gimmick. Although it’s definitely marketing. Speaking of which, there’s only one spot left for our final bootcamp in Boston.

How do you steal your friend’s little brother’s girlfriend? I know, its a dick move, but the kid is a total jerk and she needs somebody more sophisticated, like me.

-Zeo

LOL. Well, moral ambiguity aside, I’ll give you a short answer. Build attraction like normal, isolate her and then frame her boyfriend negatively over and over.

Asshole…

How do you know when to let go after you tried to get in touch with a girl?
How would you know when to stop pursuing her?

- Rockstar Dentist

Well, the real answer is you can stop calling a girl whenever you feel like it. But I suppose that’s not very useful.

It comes down to a few things: how much you like her, and how much effort you’re willing to put into winning her over.

These days I don’t call a girl a second time. But back when I was getting good, I’d call a girl 3-4 times over two weeks trying to get her to pick up. Some girls will pick up the third or fourth time, so it’s good practice.

Also, there are a minority of women who have retarded rules like they won’t pick up a guy’s first two calls. It’s basically a way for them to screen for guys who are really into them (or just really aggressive)

I’ve gone back and read the entire “Personalizing Pickup” series. I agree with most of what you’ve said. How about a series of articles on how to overcome these sticking points?

- Anonymous

Yeah, that’s what an eBook is for.

I’ve been getting some great questions. So keep them coming. Send them to: entropy@practicalpickup.com.

Do you think that in dealing with sexual anxiety that finding a good therapist to work with is the best method?

- Dan

Lots of talk of therapy going around lately. I’ll say this: therapy helped MY sexual anxiety and inner game in general more than about anything else. Now granted, I had a SHIT TON of baggage (previous relationship, parent issues, messed up adolescence, etc.) which was the root of my sexual anxiety and most of my inner game issues.

Would I recommend therapy to anybody who’s gotten out of an absolutely atrocious relationship? Yes. Absolutely. Would I recommend therapy to anyone who had a fucked up childhood or has horrible relations with their parents. YES! No question.

But don’t take therapy as a cure-all for inner game issues. There’s a lot of stuff that it won’t fix.

And I have to say this again, because it’s crucial. THERAPY WILL NOT WORK IF YOU DO NOT TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR CHANGING YOURSELF. I think most people tend to show up to therapy, plop down on the couch and expect the shrink to fix them. No, you are fixing yourself and the shrink is there to facilitate it.

I’ve been meeting new girls constantly from college. I don’t want to be a PUA. I just want to be, like you say, a normal guy. But a socially successful normal guy. A guy that has fun wherever, whenever. Dating science has been helping me tons with it. Is it worth it spending all that money going out and all that time spent? What if I already know what I want?

- Rodrigo

If you already know what you want, then just focus on that. Don’t focus on what ebooks, DVD courses and forums tell you to be. Focus on what YOU want to be. It sounds like you have a pretty solid lifestyle already. Use PUA to supplement it, not replace it.

You’re a guy I would tell not to pay for coaching. Read stuff. Get some advice. Try it out in your regular social life. That should suit your needs.

Could you touch on building attraction in bars / clubs / book stores in a future post? This area is a bit of a mystery to me, and I’m curious how you go about generating attraction prior to moving to comfort game.

- TR

I give the girl my patented “blue steel.” We make out within 30 seconds. Then if I decide I like her, we fuck in the bathroom. If she’s good in the bathroom, then I go into comfort game. If she’s cool and we fall in love before last call (2AM in Boston), then I’ll take her phone number. If not, I open another set.

Seriously though, what you just asked is the subject of like 5,000 pages and 60 hours of seminar. But how do I build attraction? Teasing and banter mostly.

Hey Entropy I know BradP learned a lot from naturals but what exactly do your naturals do differently than a mpua or is it something intangible that they have? I know a couple naturals in my school but I don’t necessarily think they are naturals they are just good looking guys is that the case here?

- Anonymous

Absolutely not. The word “natural” is one of the most misconstrued terms in the PUA community. That’s why I tend to call these two guys “supernaturals.” You have to have 300+ lays and have fucked a model from a major magazine to qualify as a supernatural. These guys both have (Maxim and Vogue-Italy respectively).

But to answer your question, “do they do things that mPUA’s don’t?” Yes and no. I would say they do FEWER things, because they only do what works and nothing else, although they’re not aware of it. Are the things they do similar to mPUA’s? Yeah. They just do them a lot better, so they don’t have to do as MUCH stuff.

I heard faking body language can be IMPOSSIBLE due to micro movements, lightining fast eyebrow raises, pupil dilation, etc…

What do you think?

- Love Potion

Interesting question. On a conscious level, yes, it’s totally fake-able. But those micro movements are only noticed sub-consciously — i.e., it’s those micro movements that tell us a “vibe” a person has. So you can be doing the right body language overtly, but your “vibe” will be off, and you’ll seem incongruent.

This is fine and a phase pretty much everybody goes through when they start out. The other thing about body language though is that you can actually train your mind by changing your body language. For instance, if you fix your body language, your mind will begin to reflect the postures you create.

So in time, the micro movements will catch up to the conscious movement.

If you have questions you want answered, pickup-related or otherwise, serious or humorous, personal or philosophical, anything, feel free to email them to me at: entropy@practicalpickup.com or leave it as a comment to this post.

Could you possibly tell us what you learned from those 2 naturals? Could you interview them?

- Anonymous

My first natural friend — the one who helped me get good exceedingly fast — had more dominance than anyone I’ve ever met. His frame and inner game was generally impenetrable. As a result, him going direct was just lethal. No matter how the girl reacted, he wouldn’t back down or be phased.

The second one I met about a year ago. Most of the deep comfort and connection stuff you read about from me was inspired by him. When I met him, the stuff he talked about I couldn’t even fathom before (getting girls to cry tears of joy while talking to him, etc.).

The first one I have lost touch with as he moved to Florida a year or two ago. The second one I still keep in periodic email contact with, although we don’t talk about pick up much anymore.

The first one I doubt I could ever interview. The second one, I have about 75-100 pages worth of email exchange on the subject of pickup with that I may do something with one day (he’s given me permission). These were all long emails (some as long as 20 pages) and very involved. It’s advanced content, but the content of those emails trumps most products I’ve ever seen. Many of the “new” ideas that I’ve had on this blog were inspired by him.

Is it healthy to take rejection and roll it off and laugh about it? Or to take it and work on yourself to get better ?

- Broken Dreams NYC

Ideally, the answer would be both. We all get rejected, so we all need to deal with it. I would say in the moment you get rejected, it’s never bad to laugh it off. Getting rejected sucks, and anything you can do to keep your spirits up in the moment is worthwhile.

I think down the road you need to analyze the situation and fix whatever caused the rejection. What I typically do and tell students is wait until the next day. For instance, if you go out Friday night, I wait until Saturday to think about all my sets and analyze everything or journal/write field reports. Sleeping on it detaches your emotions from it and gives you perspective. There are a lot of times that I would be upset about bombing with some girl and then I’d wake up the next day and not care anymore and actually be able to objectively figure out what I did wrong.

You wrote: “Some guys are simply horrible at instituting new behaviors. They don’t know how to change themselves. Other guys are horribly un-disciplined. A lot of guys don’t hold themselves to high standards, or have poor beliefs about themselves.”

Ok, that’s me. Is there an answer beyond “get some balls?”

- Pure Win

Yes. There is something fundamental, deep down, and probably emotional, that’s holding you back. Starting probing yourself for WHY you don’t want to improve, why you believe shitty stuff about yourself, why you don’t push yourself. I guarantee it’s a deep, underlying emotional issue that you haven’t resolved. Look into therapy if you have trouble.

How do you handle mixed sets? I have read various things on approaching mixed sets, and it appears some folks take the go directly to the girl vs. befriend everyone and then work the target angle. Personally, I prefer to approach the target and then work on the friends. And pointers for working mixed sets?

Keep up the killer posts!
- TR

Well, I don’t really know the “official” way to do mixed sets, but I’ll tell you how I do them.

- If there are more guys then girls, I approach and befriend the guys first and find out how they all know each other.
- If there are more girls than guys and the guys look like a bunch of pushovers — i.e., dorky work friends who have no chance at dating any of the girls — I approach the girls directly. I’ve noticed in these situations, when girls are with what you would call “beta” (I fucking hate that term) males, if you approach confidently and dominate the conversation, these guys will just kind of slink into the background. They don’t really need to be befriend other than for logistical reasons.
- If there are more girls than guys, but the guys don’t look like pussies — i.e., if he looks like he could actually be fucking at least one of the girls — I may approach the girls or him (depends on situation I guess), but I make a point to befriend him and figure out his logistical situation within the group. For instance, if he’s obviously gaming one girl, I’ll respect him by going for the other.

Mixed sets make a lot of guys nervous. The truth is, 90% of guys are harmless as long as you’re respectful to them. Often all it takes is a handshake and introduction to disarm an AMOG.

Guys who are shorter or smaller are going to always have a harder time with other guys. If you’re a bigger guy, you’ll just about never get AMOG’d, ever.