Friend of mine found this T-Shirt for sale on Zazzle.com. I’m tempted to buy like 20 of the “women’s petites” and hand them out to girls the morning after. God knows I’ve had enough girls steal my fucking t-shirts anyway. This way I may as well get something out of it. Hahaha…

“Reddit Im meeting up with someone online for the first time. HELP!”

A guy by the name of TheUltimateDouche had the most upvoted comment in the thread with this amazing response:

I GOT YOU COVERED BRO. I PICK UP ONLINE BITCHES ALL THE TIME.

• WALK UP TO HER LIKE YOU OWN THE JOINT. CHEST OUT, LEANIN BACK. AND LIMP AS IF YOUR DICK’S SO GODDAMN BIG IT’S TOUGH TO LUG THAT GIANT SUMBITCH AROUND. I DON’T GOTTA FAKE THIS, YOU MIGHT.
• MAKE YOUR FIRST WORDS COUNT BY PUTTIN THE BITCH IN HER PLACE EARLY: “YOU DON’T LOOK LIKE YOUR PICTURE. YOU LOOK LIKE YOU ATE THE GIRL IN THAT PICTURE. I MEAN, FUCK. MY MATTRESS IS LESS LUMPY THAN YOU.”
• NOW THAT THE TONE IS SET, SIT DOWN TO CHAT. ACT DISINTERESTED AS FUCK IN EVERYTHING THAT COMES OUT HER MOUTH (SHOULDN’T BE HARD … SHE’S A GIRL). INTERRUPT HER IN THE MIDDLE OF SENTENCES. TELL HER THINGS SHE LIKES ARE STUPID. TRUST ME ON THIS.
• KEEP THIS UP TIL SHE GETS PISSED AND STORMS OFF. GRAB HER BY THE WRIST, IT’LL GET HER ADRENALINE PUMPIN. WHEN SHE TURNS TO LOOK AT YOU GET THE MOST SADDEST, PATHETIC PUPPY DOG EYES YOU CAN MUSTER ON YOUR FACE. IT’S LIKE ANGRY PUSSY KRYPTONITE, SHE’LL STOP AND JUST STARE IN YOUR EYES.
• AT THIS POINT GIVE HER A SINCERE APOLOGY FOR YOUR WORDS & ACTIONS. TELL HER HOW YOU HAVE A FEAR OF INTIMACY AND SEEING HOW BEAUTIFUL SHE WAS TRIGGERED THIS SELF-DEFENSE REACTION. TELL HER IT WAS INEXCUSABLE. TELL HER YOU’VE BEEN HURT IN THE PAST AND IT WAS UNFAIR OF YOU TO TAKE THAT OUT ON SUCH A BEAUTIFUL GIRL. PAUSE FOR AFFECT. THEN TELL HER IF SHE GIVES YOU A SECOND CHANCE (LOOK DOWN) EVEN THOUGH YOU DON’T DESERVE IT (LOOK BACK UP) YOU’LL BE A DIFFERENT … A BETTER PERSON. BITCHES EAT THAT SHIT UP LIKE ITS HAAGEN-DAZS DURING THEIR PERIOD.
• FUCK HER IN A DIRTY BATHROOM STALL AND NEVER CALL HER AGAIN. POST PICS

‘Nuff said.

I’ve had two scenarios that rival this one:

- One time a girl broke into my apartment by ripping off the screen to my window and crawling through. She then waited for me for hours to come home because I hadn’t returned her calls in two days. I had only been seeing her for about a month. Somehow, I ended up seeing her for another year. She was bonafide nuts, but all in all, her nutso behavior was usually good towards me after that. She was great in the sack, spoiled me rotten and let me sleep with other women. Shrug.

- Another time I was supposed to go ice-skating with another girl on a Sunday. She called me at 8AM excited and ready to go. She said she wanted to leave then so we could spend the whole day together. I had been up until 3AM partying the night before, and told her I felt like shit and that I’d call her when I woke up, hung up and went back to sleep without thinking much of it. When I woke up at about noon, I had three voicemails and two MySpace messages from her alternating between violently screaming at me for standing her up, and apologizing and telling me she loved me. I never called her again. She sent another half dozen MySpace messages over the next three days, again, alternating between angry hysterics and heartfelt apologies. The ice-skating date was supposed to be our third date. Looking back, I think she was probably bipolar.

Every guy has a “girl with the crazies” story. What are some of your worst ones?

This blog has the answers.

Leaving for Vegas tomorrow, will be back on Monday.

I recently stumbled upon something really interesting called, “The Coolidge Effect.” Tyler actually mentions it briefly in his Blueprint Decoded product (why I’m watching that, I’ll explain later). Anyway, the Coolidge Effect is basically that “a phenomenon – seen in nearly every species in which it has been tested – whereby males show continuously high sexual performance given the introduction of new receptive females.”

I don’t think I have to delve into my tome of sexual history to admit that I believe this is true for humans as well. But here’s the kicker. Taken from the Wikipedia article:

The term comes from an old joke, according to which President Calvin Coolidge and his wife allegedly visited a poultry farm. During the tour, Mrs. Coolidge inquired of the farmer how his farm managed to produce so many fertile eggs with such a small number of roosters. The farmer proudly explained that his roosters performed their duty dozens of times each day.

“Perhaps you could point that out to Mr. Coolidge,” pointedly replied the First Lady.

The President, overhearing the remark, asked the farmer, “Does each rooster service the same hen each time?”

“No,” replied the farmer, “there are many hens for each rooster.”

“Perhaps you could point that out to Mrs. Coolidge,” replied the President.

How fucking awesome is that? To go on even a further tangent, I remember reading a story about Calvin Coolidge. He was notorious for being both quiet and having a quick wit. One night at a White House dinner, a woman was asking Mrs. Coolidge why the President never spoke. They went back and forth and the woman said, “I bet you $100 that I can get him to say at least three words tonight.” The Firsty Lady agreed. The woman turned to the President and said, “What do you have to say about that Mr. President.” He looked at her and said, “You lose.”

OK, enough about Coolidge being a baller. I need a nap. If you haven’t checked the site in a few days, there’s a 50% off sale going on for my book Practical Pickup: The Fundamentals. It comes with four exclusive bonuses that won’t be available again. The sale will end tomorrow night at midnight.