If you don’t see how it applies immediately, watch again with the following in mind: Money = Lays; Business = Lifestyle; Work = Sarging.

Although the advice is fairly generic, I believe it’s important. It’s one of those “this is water” things where it’s constantly under our nose (be passionate about what you do; have patience to reach your goals) that we often forget it.

It’s inspired some thoughts from me, as it particularly relates to some life changes I’ve been making and also a student I’ve been working with. I’ll be back in a day or two with a full post full of my ideas. But in the meantime, check it out and leave any comments if it inspires something in you.

But enough about that, I just wanted to pop in since I haven’t updated in a while. The European trip is coming together GREAT. It looks like I’m going to make stops in at least 4-5 different cities, do a lot of lair talks, and coach a handful of guys. I’m really looking forward to it.

So today, I just wanted to give a quick mailbag question I got recently about lifestyle and communicating your lifestyle.

I have purchased your ebook but i am just trying to understand how my passions would integrate into my identity and the way i dress.

Thanks.

I wouldn’t get too hung up worrying about boasting. I mean, a lot of women will be impressed by it, but a lot won’t care. I’ve worked with guys who were 4th degree blackbelts and shit and talking about it never did anything but help them.

Just keep in mind, what you actually love to do isn’t actually as important as why you do it. I mean, most women aren’t really going to care about martial arts at all. The question is, WHY are you passionate about it? WHY do you love it? WHY is it the one thing you really love to do? What does that say about yourself? That’s what women will care about.

Think more about working that into the conversation. What does your martial arts background say about you and how can you integrate that into your interactions more? The actual FACTS of your life are going to come up randomly any way, but what you want to focus on talking about is the personality that drives your lifestyle.

I’ve been going out with some of my old college social circles a lot the last few weeks. I’ve been doing it because I’ve felt like I severely lost touch with my old social circles (which used to be wide and prosperous) since I left school and since I started coaching full time.

As you’ve probably noticed from my recent posts about the Post-PUA life, I’ve recognized that a large portion of my identity for the last three years was based on my sexuality and the validation I received from fucking a lot of girls.

I had kind of a disconcerting experience tonight. I hung out with some female friends that I’ve known for a long time. And no matter what we talked about, we seemed to always end up back on topics of my sex life, my sexcapades, and in particalar, the threesomes that I’ve had recently.

This actually started to bug me because these are friends I haven’t hung out to any significant degree in about a year, and I felt like we should talk about something more substantial than the orifices in which I was sticking my cock. But I realized two things. First of all, I had little else to talk about from the last year than my PUA lifestyle (that and my failed attempt in joining the 9-5 work world) and also that my friendships with these girls had ALWAYS largely consisted of me sharing my sexscapades with them. I didn’t realize this until one point when I said, “OK, enough about my sex life, let’s talk about something more interesting.” One of my old friends replied, “But (Entropy), we ALWAYS talk about your sex life.”

I kind of had a realization that this chronic identification and obsession with my sex life, my love life, women and my success with them dates back years and years before I ever was ever conscious of it. This makes sense, as this kind of obsession is what drives us to find the community in the first place.

If there’s a point to this post, I suppose it’s to say to be aware of the identity you’re creating for yourself. I realize now that I’m a successful PUA coach, that my biggest mission is to create a satisfying and exciting lifestyle for myself that DOESN’T revolve 100% around women. I had adopted the identity of the guy who chased ass and hooked up with tons of girls. I thought I had become engulfed with it and began suffering the repercussions of it only recently. But tonight has shown me that it’s been chronic throughout my young adult life for years, that it was only in the last year that I finally noticed it.

So there’s your monthly downer of a post-PUA post. This community and these skills are extremely helpful in your life fellas, but be conscious of what’s driving you to do this stuff. Always remember that life demands balance, and that obsession and dissection of every male/female interaction, no matter how helpful in the short-term, can be unhealthy in the long-term.

- A poster asked: “Is it wrong to pursue a girl after your friend has tried and failed with her?”
- The overwhelming response is “no, it’s not wrong,” although a couple guys commented that they’ve had problems with non-community friends getting mad about this.
- I chimed in saying I had lost a friendship in this way before.
- I was asked the following question: “Do you think that this has to do with a scarcity/abundance mindset, or is there something else at play here?”
- Another poster noted: “I think one of the main reasons is just the possibility of a deflated ego were your friend to succeed. A guy is almost sure to draw comparisons, etc, and maybe put himself down.”

Here was my response:

Both are true. Although the former was the cause and the latter was the effect. Let me explain…

He was my best friend through most of college. When I found the PUA community I started getting results pretty quickly. So whereas for two years, he and I used to stand around college parties with our beers, talking about how hot certain girls were but never approaching them, suddenly within a few months I was getting make-outs and lays. This was awesome at first, and he was excited for me, and I even tried to help him… but it soon started to generate friction, as I continued to get hotter girls more often and more consistently.

It came to a head after about a year. We both met this girl at the same time and were both into her. She was beautiful, smart, sweet, and she was responding warmly to him — something he wasn’t used to from a girl of her caliber. He asked me not to go for her, so I obliged. He blew it.

We ran into her AGAIN a few weeks later and he gamed her AGAIN. This time he got her number. But he never worked up the nerve to call her.

Another few weeks go by and I run into her by myself out at a bar and talk to her. She was giving me IOI’s and was fucking hot as shit. So I said fuck it, he had two legitimate shots and over a month to make something happen and he didn’t. He had gone after girls that I messed up with and I never cared (and at times, girls who I laid as well… but still didn’t care). So what’s the big deal? So, in this respect, yes, it was a question of scarcity versus abundance mentality. But that’s just the surface… the reverberations of that problem ran deeper and ended up crumbling the entire relationship.

I didn’t tell him I fucked her even though she became my main MLTR pretty quickly. I probably should have told him. About a month later, I brought her to a friend’s party. I was sitting on the couch with my arm around her. Completely unannounced and unexpected my buddy shows up, sees us, turns around and leaves five minutes later and has still not talked to me to this day.

In the end, it wasn’t just the scarcity/abundance mentality. It was the fact that I succeeded where he failed… and not just failed at like golf or poker or something, but with women. Most guys have a TON of pride and base a lot of their self-value on their success with women. The fact that he would have to watch me enjoy and repeatedly fuck this girl that he wanted, tried and failed would be a constant reminder of this shortcoming. I guess his ego didn’t want to deal with it. And not only that, but he probably perceived that I was doing it to gratify MY own ego… to SHOW him that I could do it, even though to me it didn’t matter either way.

They tell you when you get into this that you will lose friends. YOU WILL. Looking back, it was for the better. Overall, he had become a negative influence on my life and I had become a negative influence on his. Once we weren’t able to be lame college kegger guys together, it exposed our friendship… or lack thereof.

In the end, whatever happens is for the better. If a guy is willing to cause drama and threaten the friendship over a random girl… then maybe you should question the value of the friendship.

1. I’ve got job offers. Finally! Any older reader will know how utterly demoralizing process of job hunting can be. In a lot of ways it reminded me of being a newbie and getting blown out of five sets a night, every night, over and over. It’s fucking rough, but things finally came down the pipeline, and there is no doubt that I will be employed by the middle of next month. I’ve also got my own bed and room, and should be fully moved in by the end of the week. No more futon!

2. We just finished another bootcamp at Practical Pickup. From a coaching standpoint, all three of us (myself, Saffron, and Doc Holliday) felt more comfortable teaching the material and in field. Our material has really come together and when we teach it now, it’s coming out very naturally. As a result, I think we got through to the students better this time and we saw some AMAZING transformations. We had a guy who had never approached a set in his life get four #’s by the end of the weekend. He was so giddy about it, he was giggling the entire second day. We had another guy immediately go out after the bootcamp and not only did he have two girls fighting over him, he pulled one of them. It’s so fulfilling to hear these experiences and see how we’re affecting students.

3. Our website should be launched this week along with an announcement for our April bootcamp. There’s a lot of behind-the-scenes stuff that has to be taken care of in the next month (mostly legal, financial and logistical processes), but we’re hoping to have it all in place by next month’s bootcamp. Also, Doc Holliday will be giving lair talks in Nashville, Memphis and Atlanta this week. Check out his blog for dates and times if you want to attend.

4. I will begin working on an eBook of my own material shortly. We’re hoping that it’ll be our spearheading product for Practical Pickup. It will be largely inner game based, along with a model that reorients the conventional wisdom of the community. I think a lot of community model and ideas are useful, but antiquated. There also seems to be a lack of integration of theory in the community. There are so many products out there that offer different ideas and techniques, many students are getting confused and paralyzed by it. My model will show that this vast array of ideas are actually different manifestations of the same handful of principles. Anyway, I don’t want to give away too much… yet.

5. I’m in the process of quiting smoking cold turkey. It’s been two weeks as of today since I’ve had a cigarette and my urges are dwindling. It’s been one of the hardest experiences, but in some ways, it’s been much easier than I anticipated. Once I hit the three week mark, I plan on writing up a post about it. I have some ideas and observations that should be useful for all the smokers out there.

1) No one may EVER use the excuse, “I would have tried to pull her, but my place was a mess,” or any variation thereof, around me. EVER. Dude. Seriously. I just lived on a couch for six months. It wasn’t even a nice couch. It was a broken futon that my roommates ate on every day. My belongings were all in boxes on the balcony or in a suitcase in the corner. Did I pull anyway? Yes. We called it the “AIDS Futon” for a reason. If I can live on a couch and bang five girls on it, I don’t care how small/ugly/messy/hot/cold/stingy your room is. No excuses. This may be the only thing I can be proud of from the this episode in my life.

2) If you don’t have your lifestyle and identity in check, your game will go to shit. I don’t care who you are or how good you are: if you’re broke, living in shit and not accomplishing shit, your results will screech to a halt. I know I just bragged up above about banging five girls on my couch, but five girls is WAAAAAYY below par for me over that amount of time. I saw a huge drop-off in my results because I became incongruent with the persona I was presenting to women. I was a deadbeat. Girls don’t want to fuck deadbeats. When you’re in college, you can behave like a deadbeat and it’s socially acceptable. Once out of college, a deadbeat is a deadbeat. It wasn’t until I stopped sarging in December and got my life in order that things started looking up again. I’ve been dwelling on these concepts of identity, social capital, and self value a lot lately. Expect some monster posts about them soon.

That’s about it. With this and a legitimate job offer in the Financial District, I finally feel this transitional phase of my life closing. Transitions suck, but they’re necessary evils. I have a much clearer concept now of who and what I want to be in the next six months, and I’m excited as I can see myself quickly embodying that person every day. I think later this week I’ll type of a medley LR called “The Futon Follies” documenting some of the crazy antics that happened on that thing — despite representing such an abysmal segment of my life, there ARE some hilarious memories.

The good news is I’m feeling better now. I should be going out a lot this week in preparation for the bootcamp this weekend, so stay tuned for some more updates.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the direct correlation between how successful a person is and how much they read. All across the board it seems that more books = more success. Now of course I’m generalizing and if you’ve read Freakonomics you’ll say that having more books doesn’t make you smarter, blah, blah, blah. I’m not getting into that debate.

The more books = more success equation also applies to pickup. It seems that most of guys who get really good are very well read, TD, Sinn, Future, Etc. Now I’m certainly not saying that if you stay home and read all day you’ll get better with women… because you won’t. However reading helps accomplish a very important part of pick up, life experience. Entropy talked about this yesterday in his lair talk and I will do my best to describe it to everyone who wasn’t present–

The basic idea of it is this: if you live in your parents basement and play World of Warcraft all day you have very little life experience. When you meet a girl who’s a grad student/stripper, lived in Spain for a year, and wrote a novel she has so much more life experience than you that you can’t connect with her on any level, you two aren’t on the same page– you two aren’t even in same fucking the book.

Because you can’t even begin to relate to her odds are she won’t find you attractive and you’ll put her on some pedestal because you think her value is so much higher than yours.

Now the best way to fix that life experience problem is to get out of the fucking basement, talk to more women, and live your life! My two favorite quotes for this are– “This is your life and it’s ending one minute at a time. Get busy living or get busy dying.” and Future’s super badass tattoo “What had I to fear, destined to die?”

Now you may not live in Spain for a year or write a novel but you’ll talk to enough people and do enough stuff that your life experience will equal or be greater than hers. Also you’re bound to meet interesting people along the way and her living in Spain won’t seem like a big deal anymore… although the stripper writing a novel might, but I digress.

The other way to gain life experience is through reading. This should be in addition to meeting women and living your life because obviously reading alone is not enough. Now I’m not saying that I know the first thing about being persecuted because I’ve read Native Son or that I know what it’s like to be raped because I’ve read Lucky. But reading does expose you to things you wouldn’t normally be exposed to.

Today I’m dying of plague and call out of work, but I have a hair appointment later in the day and don’t want to cancel because it’s a super bitch to make new one. I roll out of bed, don’t shower, don’t do my hair, put on a pair of jeans and a wrinkled tee from off my floor, and to top off this great look I put an over sized hoodie on. I looked like a super scrub. But what do I care right? I’m dying of plague and don’t want to open anyways… wrong.

I’m waiting for the train and I see her, physically she’s everything I look for in a girl; short(around 5′ nothing), tan, perfect ass, cute tits, awesome hair, a bunch of piercings in her ears, and a lip ring. She was a rock chick who didn’t lose any of her femininity.

And then there’s me looking like a complete chode.

We make eye contact and I smile. She gives me one look up and down, back turns me, and pulls out her phone and calls someone. Complete and total blow out. The one day I leave the house looking like shit I see a 10. I learned that lesson the hard way, hope you guys don’t have to.