I’ve written about this before, but recently I was once again exposed to the I’m-going-to-be-an-arrogant-asshole-because-I-think-it-makes-me-alpha personality that is all too prevalent in the PUA community.

I have to admit, as time has gone on, it’s far less common than it was maybe a couple years ago, but unfortunately it still exists, so I feel compelled to write about it… again.

A lot of guys think they’re being “alpha” when really they’re just overcompensating. Here are some traits to know if you’re overcompensating or not:

1. Do you regularly try to bend people to your will for no other reason than to see if you can do it? For instance, do you ALWAYS have to be the guy who gets his way? If your friends are discussing where to go on a Friday night, does it ALWAYS have to be your club because you know a guy, and “omg, these guys are so lame because they can’t get us past the door guys like I can?”
2. Do you look down on anybody who doesn’t exhibit the same “social value” as you do? Other male friends of female friends in particular. Do you label him as an “AFC” or “chode” and get a hard-on at how well you can dominate his frame?
3. Do you regularly refuse to supplicate to people even though there’s no reason not to? Let’s say your friends know of a live band they want to see on a Friday night and they insist that you come along. Do you feel compelled to ignore it and try to convince them to go elsewhere because you don’t want to “supplicate” to their will?
4. Do you feel the need to dominate every conversation and social interaction you’re involved in? Even if you don’t really care about the topic or the people you’re talking to?
5. Do you feel a desire to always be the center of attention? Do you always need to be the person who’s doing the craziest, loudest, most outlandish, most attention-getting activity at any given time?

If you answered yes to more than one of these questions, you are not “alpha.” You are overcompensating.

Like I said, this is pretty common in the PUA community. In fact, I’d argue that it’s even part of the process for a lot of guys. A lot of talented, charismatic, and smart guys get beaten down and walked over their entire lives, so when they find this stuff, they feel like they have to assert themselves OVER EVERYBODY.

Typically, you see this in guys who’ve just started getting success but still don’t have a ton of success. Guys in the 15-30 lays area. I’ve started calling this the “Overestimation zone” because guys have 15-30 lays tend to overestimate their awesomeness, and people around them tend to overestimate how awesome they are as well.

In Texas where I come from, there’s a saying, “The smallest dog barks the loudest.” I like to use the saying, “The richest man doesn’t have to tell people that he’s rich.”

Well, the most “alpha” guy doesn’t need people to know how alpha he is. If he’s alpha, it’ll be obvious. He won’t have to prove it by dominating conversations and coercing people to supplicate to him.

Real charisma and dominance can be conveyed by not saying anything. A real “alpha male” understands that sometimes the best thing to say is nothing at all. A real leader doesn’t lead through coercion and dominating others’ weakness, but by bringing out the best in those around him. He leaves people thinking, “I like how I feel, how I am around that guy.” Let’s go back through those points above one-by-one and look at how REAL dominant behavior would behave…

1. Why would you feel the need to bend people to your will if you’re already confident in yourself and what you want?
2. There’s no reason to look down on others if you find and appreciate what others have to offer.
3. To refuse to supplicate to someone for no reason is to put more emphasis on their perception on you rather than your own.
4. Sometimes your best role in a social situation will be a facilitator, a support person or even just an observer.
5. Attention only provides short-term validation.

Hopefully you guys are starting to get the picture.