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News - Jun 11, 2010 10:03 - 6 Comments

Changes

A few months ago, I mentioned that there would be some major changes coming to this blog and my whole business structure this year, including a large shifting around and/or removal of content. Well, these changes are going to start happening probably in the next week or two. I wanted to give all the regular readers a heads-up so I don’t get 400 emails one day complaining or freaking out that the blog is gone. Here’s what to expect and in the relative order that things will happen: Continue…

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Other, PUA Skills, PUA Theory - Jul 21, 2010 16:14 - 21 Comments

Your Pick Up Techniques Don’t Matter

This summer, I’ve been giving a talk that focuses around what I call the “New Fundamentals” of pick up. In summary (and I’m summarizing like 2 hours here), 90% of the stuff we study and worry about accounts for maybe 10% of our success. So what accounts for the 90% of our success?

I argue two things: 1) Overcoming anxiety and 2) calibration.

If you focus on those two things, everything else will fall into place through time and experience. It will all take care of itself. Body language will begin to project strong, confident posture, guys will start to behave dominantly and aggressively, connections will become stronger. I could go on and on… these are all side effects to mastering the two skills above. This raised a discussion on the local Boston board after I gave the talk to the group there. Below is an abridged version of my responses to that discussion:

“If half the stuff doesn’t matter, and we don’t bother to address them, how can we improve ourselves? Like you said, you did a fair amount of “game bashing” at the seminar. But you’re at a level that all your skills learned flows out of you. I’m at a level where I’m thinking this, slipping here, fumbling there. If I adopted the “it doesn’t matter” mantra, I’d never improve, and thus never get laid.

What do you recommend, then, for guys who are starting out?”

I guess I didn’t explain myself well enough in the seminar because that’s not what I meant at all.

Of course you still need to learn things. That’s the calibration part. Learning to be calibrated with women is a huge part of it. But you’re still falling into the (erroneous) mindset that pick up is something that is studied and mastered… it’s not. It’s something that is DONE and PRACTICED. You will never master it. And you will never ever completely know the “right” way to do it. You will just learn what is “better” for you, and this will be learned through experience. Continue…

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Attraction, PUA Theory - Aug 30, 2010 13:37 - 4 Comments

Looks Do Matter

I’ve said this before (two years ago), and I said it again (year and a half ago) and then even again (month ago), but for some reason I STILL get guys coming to me and trying to start an argument about this as if it’s a huge epiphany… that being good-looking helps you with women.

Looks definitely matter. This is a myth in the community that’s always bugged me and I’ve been stating it for years now. I’ve gotten laid a number of times purely on my looks and I don’t even think I’m that great looking. And I always get a kick out of newer guys who get laid a lot because they’re good-looking, but they convince themselves that it was their expert usage of false disqualifiers and comfort transitions that got them laid.

It really is a testament to Style’s book and the marketing in this industry that “being good-looking helps” is still treated as an epiphany or a contentious topic. I mean, Neil probably didn’t even realize it at the time, but the fact that he was a writer for Rolling Stone and wrote best-selling books on Marilyn Manson and Motley Crue probably did more to get him laid than any of his negs or openers. Hell, he still may not even realize it.

But anyway… I digress.

Of course they matter. But in the long-run, they don’t matter that much. Sure, you’ll get more looks and your approaches will be better received, but if you still sound like an idiot or a weirdo when you open your mouth, that all goes out the window. I can’t tell you how many female friends I’ve heard utter the words, “He was so hot, until he started talking.” The fact remains that unlike men, most women won’t just hop into bed with a guy because he’s good-looking, they still need to be charmed and seduced. Looks just give a guy a bigger opportunity.

But really, I don’t think there’s a whole lot of reason to worry about looks that much. A lot of guys like to make a big deal about them and blame them for their failures. I think they’re just making excuses. I see no reason to get hung up on it. As long as you’re dressing well and taking care of yourself, there’s not a whole lot you can do. Like anything else in life, do the best you can with what you’ve got. I’ve seen short, ugly guys get ridiculously hot girls many times. I’ve seen guys who look like male models go home with slop or nothing many times. At the end of the day, it’s just another piece of a much larger puzzle, not the puzzle itself.

All looks are is an advantage. Just like dancing well is an advantage. Having money is an advantage. Living in Manhattan is an advantage. Being a club promoter is an advantage. Having a degree from a good school is an advantage. Playing in a rock band is an advantage. Speaking multiple languages is an advantage. Knowing the owner of a strip club is an advantage. Being a DJ is an advantage… yada yada yada. We could go on forever.

None of them guarantee that you get laid. All it guarantees is that you don’t have to work as hard as the next guy.

The reason I’m making such a big deal in a post about this is because guys tend to always over-estimate this. Over the last year, I dropped about 35 pounds, going from chubby, slightly overweight, and out of shape, to pretty thin and toned. Do I get more looks? Yeah. Do my approaches go better? I guess. But honestly, my results are only slightly better than they were before.

To be honest, the biggest advantage I’ve developed over the last year is language. I’m very good at speaking Spanish now and speak a little bit of Russian and a little Portuguese.

Since being back in the US, any Latina, Russian or Ukrainian I’ve met, I speak 3-4 sentences to them in their native language and it’s pretty much game over from there. MUCH bigger advantage than anything else I’ve found yet. So fuck looks, I’d rather be multilingual.

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